Page 82 of Ruthless Touch

“I wanted no endorsement because of who was my father. Not that he would’ve given it anyway.”

“I just don’t get how he treats you the way he does. You’re the son who followed in his footsteps. Shouldn’t that count for something?”

“Not when you’re the bastard son.”

“But you weren’t. You said your mother and he?—”

“By Korean standards, it’s still uncouth. It’s considered bad form,” he interrupts. “A prostitute does not make a proper wife or mother, and my father considered it one of the worst mistakes of his life.”

“He should probably be grateful to have a son that still talks to him after all the bad treatment.”

“I’ve wondered why I do. I guess some things are hard to let go of. No matter how many times he denies me, a part of me will always want his approval,” he explains. His knee nudges mine under the table. “And what about you, Goyangi-ne? Do I get to know about your family?”

“I’ve told you the most important part,” I answer cryptically. Then a small voice in the back of my head reminds me there’s so much more I could share. That Gun has opened up to me about things, and maybe… for once I should too. I set my chopsticks down and tell him what first comes to mind. “It’s hard to talk about my parents because I lost both very young.”

“Your father…”

I nod so that he trails off and doesn’t finish his sentence. “And my mother left when I was young. Kind of like yours. She and my father had been having issues for a while—or that’s what Uncle Jerald has said.”

“His lifestyle?”

“My father was in the military. He went from that to… to some kind of armament dealing with crime gangs.”

“Like the Cheongryong.”

“My uncle was around when it all went down. He said my mother gave him an ultimatum. You can guess what he picked.”

“But she left you?” he asks. “That’s unlike most mothers. Most mothers would take their children with them even when they leave like that.”

“Trust me. I’ve spent my whole life wondering why my mom abandoned me. Why she thought it was okay to leave her daughter in a situation she herself didn’t want to be in.” I sigh glumly, an ache I’ve long ignored deepening. “The best I can come up with is that… she wanted to start fresh. Without the baggage of a husband and kid to weigh her down.

“She got to leave us in South Korea and go somewhere else where she could start a new life and pretend we never existed. Uncle Jerald raised me along with my grandma on my dad’s side. She’s never bothered to reach out again.”

“Have you looked for her?”

“Out of curiosity. Me and Unc did years ago. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted out of it—if I wanted to tell her off or maybe form a relationship. But I never went through with reaching out. She lives in Virginia now. Married, two kids.”

Gun shakes his head, his expression a solemn reflection of what I feel on the inside. “You’re probably better off without a woman like that for a mother.”

“I’d like to think so too. But it doesn’t make it…” I drift off, my urge to shut down returning. I fight through it, reminding myself it’s just me and Gun. That he’s experienced the same as I have. It’ssafeto continue. “It, um… it doesn’t make it hurt any less… you know?”

“Yes, Goyangi. I do. I know exactly what you mean.”

We spend the rest of our evenings either being lazy on the couch or being over productive, doing more planning and strategizing.

There’s little in between. If we’re not binge-watching a new TV show or having a movie marathon, we’re in the trenches of our plotting against the Cheongryong.

Every so often, I question if Gun is serious. If he’s really ready to go against his own syndicate. I can’t wrap my head around how he could possibly do it when he’s risking so much. I wonder if I can truly trust him.

But then his eyes connect with mine, and I get a shiver down my spine. I see the sincerity for myself and hear the conviction in his voice.

Feel his kiss and his touch.

And then I’m left confused how someone could be lying if things feel soreal…

It seems like the only way I’ll know for sure is to find out in time. A thought that terrifies me to my core. I’ve never trusted someone as explicitly as I’m trusting Gun.

I can only hope it’s not the worst mistake of my life.