Page 108 of Ruthless Touch

Joon volunteers to take her to a hotel in another part of the city, his usual joking demeanor replaced by surprising gentleness.

Outside the apartment building, I sink onto the front steps, numb and hollowed out as the breezy night ripples around me.

Gun comes out to announce Joon and Priscilla will be down in a few minutes. I can barely bring myself to make a throaty noise to acknowledge what he’s said. He asks if I’m okay, the question feeling almost laughable.

“No… I’m not. And I’m not sure I ever will be,” I answer, my tone flat and empty. I get up and start toward the car, my heart so heavy, I feel sick. “We need to hurry up before anyone from the Cheongryong turns up.”

We make it back to the dark loft, shadows stretching far and wide across the space. I’m moving on autopilot as I step through and don’t even bother with the lights. I kick off my shoes and head straight for the bedroom, each step feeling like I’m walking through quicksand that threatens to swallow me whole.

Gun follows me into the darkness, skipping on the light switches too. He’s more concerned with checking on me.

He comes up from behind, hands settling on my waist to turn me around. I react like I’ve been shocked by a jolt of electricity, stepping out of his grasp and stripping off the bloodstained clothes I’m wearing.

They smell rotten, like smoke. They’re dried with blood that won’t ever come out.

I never want to look at them again. I’m not sure I even want to look in the mirror right now.

“You can express yourself, Goyangi,” Gun says quietly. He steps closer. “You don’t need to shut down like this.”

But I ignore him, my pulse pounding in my ears. I’m jittery like I have too much energy and don’t know what to do with it. Emotions I don’t know how to process swell inside me, rising like a volcano that’ll erupt any second.

No matter how hard I try to keep it contained, it’s an inevitable. It’s going to explode out of me. Then I’ll fall apart in front of him; I’ll fall apart and not know how to put myself back together again.

Gun approaches me again. I push him away, palms flat against his chest. I can’t bear being close to him or anyone else when all I want to do is shut down.

I need to collect myself and can’t do that when he’s watching.

But his hands capture my wrists before I can retreat further into the protective shell I’m trying to build.

“Let me go right now,” I demand.

“No,” he says simply.

My eyes widen at how matter-of-fact he is about it. I stare at him through the moonlit darkness like I can’t believe what he’s just said.

“Yes!” I scream, trying to jerk out of his hold.

He doesn’t let me, his grip locked firmly on my wrists.

“Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just leave me alone?!”

“Because I know you’re hurting. And you don’t have to do it alone.”

“You don’t know shit,” I spit back. The tears watering my eyes contradict my claim. So does the broken sound of my voice.

“Yes, I do. I know all about you and how you always feel like you have to be alone. Like you always have to be strong and stand on your own. But you don’t need to when I’m around. Not always.”

The volcano really does erupt. It can’t be held back another second as I explode into a deep sob that rips through me like shrapnel.

Gun only pulls me closer, his arms coming around me. His hand cradles the back of my head as I bury my face into his chest.

The sobs are so powerful, my whole body shakes.

“You don’t always have to be strong, Goyangi-ne,” he murmurs into my braids, his presence a lifeline in the darkness. “I can be strong for both of us right now. That’s what I’m here for.”

I cry into his shirt until I’m completely wrung out and empty.

…until there are no more tears left to cry and I’m spent and exhausted.