Page 130 of Ruthless Touch

She glances up at me but otherwise says nothing. Not giving an inch.

It’s more than deserved. I’ve iced her out from the moment I moved in.

But it was never about Priscilla. It was my own deep-rooted issues that caused me to push everybody in my life away.

“I kept my walls up too long,” I admit, sighing. “I pushed you away every time you tried to get close. I acted like I didn’t need anyone, like caring about people made me weak. And nobody could really be trusted. But you stayed anyway. You patched me up, over and over. You were there when I needed you, even when I pretended I didn’t.”

“Eli…” she murmurs.

“So thank you,” I say, and I mean it. “For being my friend even when I didn’t deserve one.”

She’s quiet for a long moment, fingers tracing the rim of her mug. When she finally speaks, her tone is pensive. “You were never an easy person to care about, Eli. But I cared anyway.”

“Let me return the favor. Let me be your friend and patch you up sometimes.”

“I’m not sure anybody can. Losing KD… it’s just… it’s part of reality now. There’s no going back.”

“I miss him,” I admit somberly. “KD. I still hear his laugh sometimes, or the way he used to tease me before a mission. That stupid grin when he knew he was getting under my skin.”

Priscilla’s dark eyes glisten before she quickly looks away, blinking hard. “Yeah,” she whispers, voice strained. “Yeah, me too.”

“I’m sorry. For what happened. For?—”

“Don’t. It wasn’t your fault,” she interrupts, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. A tear escapes anyway, trailing down her cheek. She lets out a shaky laugh. “God, I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry today.”

I wait, giving her space.

“I fell in love with him. He was just… he was a really great guy. He made me laugh and was always so attentive. He really made me feel special.” She pauses long enough to sniffle and reach for a napkin to dab at her face. “But I know he was really in love with you, Eli. You were the girl of his dreams.”

“What? Cilla, I?—”

“I know,” she goes on with a bittersweet smile. “You didn’t feel the same about him. It’s just how things were. But I still love him anyway. He died a hero. He chose to protect you. And it’s wrong for me to blame you for that.”

“You can blame me if you need to…” I mumble, the guilt so thick inside me I can barely meet her eyes.

She shakes her head. “No. He made his choice. And I have to live with it.” She takes a shaky breath, composing herself. “I’m moving closer to campus. Already found a place.”

The news shouldn’t surprise me, but it does anyway. My brows jump, a tremor of surprise flickering through me as if I haven’t already made my own new living arrangements.

“When?”

“Next month. I need space. Time to heal. Some distance from all this.”

I nod, understanding even as it hurts. “Just don’t disappear on me.”

“I won’t,” she says. “But I’m finally going to do what’s best for me. Not what everyone else needs. Plus, I’ll be closer to SNU for my classes.”

“I like that you’re putting yourself first, Cilla.”

“You should try it sometime.”

“I’m working on it,” I say with a light laugh.

“Good.” She pulls back, taking another sip of her coffee. “Now tell me about this beach vacation with your sexy gangster boyfriend. And don’t leave out the juicy details.”

Just like that, the tension eases. It’s not gone completely—grief doesn’t work that way. But things become lighter between us. Almost like old times.

We talk for another hour, skirting around the heavy topics and finding our way back to what feels closer to normal. When we finally part ways on the sidewalk outside, Priscilla pulls me into a quick hug.