Page 12 of Road Trip

CHAPTER

TWELVE

MATT

558 miles to go

Grand Canyon, AZ

T here were some places on the planet that just took your breath away, and this was one of them. It was big. There weren’t really words for how big it was—it was like my first memory of looking up into the night sky and catching just the smallest glimpse of something infinite. I sat cross-legged on a rock, my sketchbook on my knee, wishing I had words for the vast array of colors the fading sunlight painted the canyon. Jacob stood at the fence, forearms resting on the rail, his eyes wide as he took it all in.

Below us, hawks wheeled.

A chill breeze ruffled Jacob’s hair, sending tendrils dancing across his cheek, and I was torn between watching him and watching the changing light as it flowed across the canyon, making the colors and striations in the rocks come alive. The sight was dazzling—both the canyon and Jacob. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were pink with the cold, which meant mine must have been red. I didn’t care. I could have sat here all night soaking in the sights and smells, even though I’d be a popsicle by morning.

I opened my sketchbook, but after a few seconds I closed it again. There were plenty of pictures of the canyon and none of them did it justice, so my pencil drawings sure as shit weren’t going to capture the majesty of the place. Why not be in the moment with Jacob instead?

He shivered as the breeze ruffled his hair again, and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He flashed me a grin. “Holy shit, it’s cold! My balls have crawled so far up into my body that I think they might be in my nasal cavity by now! It’s supposed to be summer !”

So much for the moment.

But he wasn’t wrong. My balls weren’t in my nasal cavity, but those bad boys were definitely tucked up tight somewhere around my rib cage. But still I didn’t move, unable to look away from the vastness in front of us. “Hey, does this count as our first date? Because if it does, we’re killing it as boyfriends.”

Jacob laughed, the sound echoing off the surrounding rocks. “Holy shit. It is. And we are.” He beamed at me and I grinned back.

I still couldn’t quite believe last night was real, but here we were. We’d fooled around, and it had been everything I’d ever dreamed about, and now Jacob was talking about flights and visits, and I knew if he said he wanted to be boyfriends, he meant it.

I just had to get through the next few days without fucking it all up.

The next gust of wind had more of a bite to it and the light was starting to fade, so I reluctantly levered myself to my feet, stuffing my hands into the pocket of my hoodie and shivering. Jacob threw an arm over my shoulders, and it warmed me in more ways than one.

We made our way down the path, and I knew Jacob would probably tease me for staying well back from the low stone wall that was all that was standing between me and plummeting to my death, but I didn't care. There was a book in the gift shop that listed all the ways people had died in the canyon, and I didn’t want to be the reason they released a new edition.

He kept his arm around me as we walked, and we didn’t rush. It felt like we both wanted to make the most of every moment together before we hit San Diego in two days and had to say goodbye. And even though we’d just said we were dating, the insecure part of me couldn’t help wondering what would happen when Jacob got his newly bisexual ass to college and found out he was hot. Like, I was pretty sure he already knew he was hot, but now he was going to be at a college full of other hot college guys who might feel the need to share that information with him.

“Hey,” Jacob said, pulling me closer. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I was just thinking. Do you think we can stay one more night at a hotel before we get to my dad’s?” I wasn’t sure how to say I didn’t want to let him go when we’d only just gotten together without sounding like a complete loser, but it turned out I didn’t need to because we were on the same page.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Jacob said, and he sounded almost…shy?

I tilted my head back to look up at him. His cheeks were flushed, and I didn't think it was from all the walking we’d done. “Why are you blushing?”

Jacob steered me over to a nearby bench seat and we sat down. “I mean, we’re camping tonight, so we can’t really fool around without everyone else hearing. But I was thinking tomorrow night in Yuma, if we got a room, I could try and last longer than ten seconds next time.”

That sounded pretty great to me too, but since it was me, I didn’t say that. Instead I said, “Bro, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say if you came in under ten seconds when you were with Layla, no wonder she dumped your ass.”

“Fuck you,” he said, his mouth twitching up in a smile. “We were gonna break up anyway. She just got in early. Anyhow, she didn’t dump me because of that .”

No, she’d dumped him because she’d seen the truth before either of us had figured it out. She’d dumped him because he was careless with her feelings when he never was with mine. Because he hung out with me without having to be asked. Because he let her calls go to voicemail but always took mine. She’d dumped him because she’d known she deserved better—a boyfriend who was as into her as she was into him. If I was a better person, I’d feel guilty about how I’d never stepped back and given them space to be a couple, but I didn’t because I wasn’t. Jacob had always been mine, even when I hadn’t been his.

“Your face is doing that thing again,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes.

“There it is again.”

I elbowed him and we both laughed.

“This place is amazing,” he said, gaze drifting to the canyon again. “I’m really glad we came here.”

“Me too.”

He reached out and took my hand and laced our fingers together. We both looked down at our hands.

“Does that feel weird?” he asked.

I snorted. “A bit.”

Which was stupid, because Jacob and I hadn’t had a single boundary in our lives. Personal space? I didn’t know her. But now it was different because every touch might mean something, might lead somewhere. Now it was different because he hadn’t just grabbed me by the hand to drag me somewhere, or away from somewhere before my mouth could get me in trouble; now he was holding my hand because that was what boyfriends did.

“It feels a bit weird because it’s new,” I said. “I like it, though.”

He squeezed my hand and smiled. “Me too.”

We sat together and watched the sunset for a while longer.

I t was freezing in the tent, but it was okay because now when Jacob spooned me I didn’t have to lie there tense and unmoving, praying he wouldn’t find out I had a boner. Now I could relax and let myself enjoy the heat of Jacob’s body against mine as we huddled together under our sleeping bags. One night at a hotel had turned me soft, though, because I didn’t remember the tent being this uncomfortable before. Still, this was the last night we’d be sleeping rough.

I wondered if Jacob would use the tent on the way back, and my heart ached a little when I thought of him sitting alone around a campfire for one. I pushed the thought away. He’d probably stay at hotels rather than camping solo.

Either that or he’d make friends at every campsite he stopped at because everyone loved Jacob. I couldn’t even be mad about it. He was like a cute dog or something.

“Are you cold?” he murmured, nuzzling behind my ear.

I was, and that brought me out in goose bumps all over. “Don’t start shit we can’t finish in a sleeping bag, asshole.”

“I wasn’t starting anything!”

“Well, good,” I said. “I’m trying to sleep.”

I liked it, though. I liked that he was being this physical, and I wondered if he’d been like this with Layla too. I wasn’t enough of an idiot to ask that question, though. But I couldn’t remember them being close like that. I’d thought at the time they were keeping it respectable for Jacob’s parents—Layla’s too probably, since they were kind of churchy—but my ego liked the idea that he was different now because he was with me .

“You’re so cranky.” He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my track pants. “And I’m the only person who knows it’s all a lie.”

“No, you’re just the only idiot who can’t take a hint.” I liked the way his silent laughter shook both of us.

I was going to miss him when I was living in California.

We fell asleep like that and didn’t move until morning, when the sounds of the other campers waking up for the day filtered through the thin walls of the tent, way earlier than I would have liked.

We packed the car in silence—I was always a zombie in the mornings and Jacob got that—then grabbed sandwiches and coffee from the market and went back to the Rim Trail. I slowly blinked awake in the sunlight sitting beside Jacob as we ate our breakfast.

We watched the light paint the canyon a hundred different shifting colors.

I thought about last night and how much I’d miss Jacob when I was living in California. For just a second, I wondered if I could go back to Cape Charles after all, but then I thought of what that would look like and my next swallow of coffee went down sour.

Living in the double-wide with Mom and Zeke.

Community college in Melfa.

Seeing the exact same faces everywhere I went—except the one I wanted to see.

I’d been desperate to get out of Cape Charles for years now, and it wasn’t like Jacob would be there most of the time anyhow. I’d barely see him when college started, once he had classes and new friends and a job, so why not barely see him when I wasn’t also being a loser in Cape Charles?

I’d miss him, but that was true whether I was in Cape Charles or San Diego.

Jacob had said we could do the long-distance thing, so I just had to believe him, right? He was usually right about stuff, even though I’d never admit it out loud.

He scrunched up his sandwich bag and shoved it in his pocket. “Ocean or mountain?”

“What?”

“You know those online quiz questions. Personality tests or whatever, where you pick your ideal vacation place or place to buy a house or whatever. Would you pick ocean or mountain?”

“Ocean,” I said.

“Even now?” he asked, nodding at the canyon .

“It’s a stupid question,” I said. “It’s not really mountains, is it?”

“Okay, ocean or canyon?”

It was a harder question this time but not by much. I shoved the rest of my sandwich in my mouth, chewed on it for a bit, and said, “Still ocean.”

Some of my earliest memories were of beaches. This trip was the farthest I’d ever been away from the coast. The air didn’t taste like salt here.

“Yeah, same.” He gave me a smile. “I bet the beaches in California are incredible.”

“Yeah, I bet.” My stomach twisted.

“What are you going to do there?” he asked me. “Like, have you looked into college or anything?”

“I’m going to get a job,” I said. “Save some money for a year, then figure out what I’m going to do.”

“You’ll do great,” he said. “I’ll come visit and I’ll be jealous of how great you’re doing.”

If anyone else had said that, I would have thought they were being sarcastic, but this was Jacob. I fiddled with my sandwich wrapper. “Yeah.”

And it would be great. I’d get to spend time with my dad and his family, and I’d find a job, and I’d be out and proud. And being Matt from the East Coast would automatically make me edgy and interesting, right? Wouldn’t it be cooler to be Jacob’s long-distance boyfriend from California instead of his loser boyfriend back home who’d never even made it out of town?

When I looked up, Jacob was staring down into the canyon. “Look at that,” he said, his voice hushed. He was closer to the edge than I was comfortable with, but I fought the urge to grab the back of his hoodie and drag him to safety and instead inched forward to join him and see what had him so impressed. When I glanced down, I saw what he was looking at. Below us, the Colorado River was nothing more than a tiny ribbon of blue, dwarfed by the vastness of its surroundings as it snaked through the landscape of vivid red rocks. It was an incredible sight—but no more incredible than the fact that somehow, against all odds, me and Jacob were a thing.

I reached out and grabbed Jacob’s hand and squeezed it.

“I’m glad we did this,” I said, and I wasn’t just talking about the canyon. The warm smile he gave me in return told me he’d heard what I wasn't saying.

We walked along the trail for a while, taking our time. As we came up on a flat rocky outcrop, the people in front of us slowed to a stop and a small crowd formed. I craned my neck to see what was going on. There was a guy on one knee, and the girl he was with had her hands clasped in front of her face. Even from here I could see her eyes shining as he pulled a ring box out of his back pocket.

“Aww,” Jacob said, resting one hand on my shoulder. “That’s so sweet!”

The girl in question let out a squeal and clapped her hands together, and everyone watching applauded as the guy slid the ring onto her finger while another guy took a video, and it was objectively romantic as fuck—but it wasn’t my thing. “Ten out of ten to that guy for effort,” I said, “but if anyone ever proposed to me in public on the edge of a cliff, that would be like, a thousand red flags.”

“I know. You don’t like heights, and you don’t like being the center of attention,” Jacob said with a grin. “But she obviously loved it.”

The bride-to-be was beaming as a bunch of strangers congratulated her, so Jacob was probably right. We joined in, shaking the guy’s hand, and the way he looked at his new fiancée—like he couldn’t believe his luck—made my insides melt because I was pretty sure I’d seen the same expression on Jacob's face when he looked at me.

Like he really did think I was all that.

The whole thing put a smile on my face for the rest of the morning .

We hung around the park for a while longer. Jacob took some pics of me feeding a squirrel, and I did a sketch of him sitting on a low rock wall with a bunch of lines depicting the layers of the canyon in the background. The sun’s rays bounced off his blond hair, highlights dancing, and he grinned widely as he leaned back on his hands with his legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles, posing. And since I didn’t have to hide my attraction anymore I took my time, making sure to capture the planes of his face, the golden hair dusting his forearms, and his gorgeous smile.

When Jacob came over and checked the finished product, he let out a low whistle. “This is really good.”

I hummed doubtfully. “I didn’t get your nose quite right.”

He bumped his shoulder against mine. “Just take the compliment, asshole.”

“Fine. Thanks.”

He laughed. “Wow, that sounded like it was actually painful.”

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t about to tell him that no matter how good the artist, a portrait could never capture the light in his eyes or the way he made me feel, because even to me that sounded super fucking sappy—and I was the one thinking it. “We should get going,” I said, rolling up my sketchbook and shoving it in my pocket.

After one last long look at the canyon—because seriously, when were we ever going to be here again?—we left the park and drove toward I-8, toward Yuma and whatever our last night together held.