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18

KAI

I stared at Mason, sure I’d misheard. Because what I thought he’d said was…

“You’re breaking up with me because you like me?”

“Yes. Because all I’m going to do is fuck up your life. I don’t want to hurt you, Kai, but if we don’t stop this—whatever it is—between us, I’ll only hurt you worse in the long run.”

I glared at him. He was way too close for it to have the proper effect. I was so damn aware of his body, taking up my space. For a guy who was supposedly ending things, he sure wasn’t putting much distance between us.

I was mad, though. If he’d said he didn’t feel the same way, I could’ve accepted it. It would’ve hurt—devastated me, honestly—but I would’ve made peace with it eventually. But this?

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s not. It’s just the truth. You don’t want me, Kai.”

Anger surged in my chest. Anger about the video, about someone hurting Mason, about the stalker trying to tear my life apart. But I couldn’t do anything about that right now. Mason, however, was right in front of me, and I could damn well do something about him.

“You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to tell me who or what I want.”

“Fine. Then it’s what I want.”

“But it’s not. You just said it’s not. Why are you so determined to ruin the one good part of my life right now?”

“I don’t know. Why are you so determined to be an idiot? When are you going to get it through your head that I’m a bad person?”

I stared at him, incredulous. “Never. I’m never going to do that, because it’s not true. You might be incredibly, infuriatingly dense sometimes, but you’re not bad. All that stuff from high school? Let it go. I have. Who you were then doesn’t define who you are now. And as today has shown, all of us have done stuff we regret when we were younger.”

“There’s a big difference between making a sex tape and having people’s blood on your hands.”

“You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. That.” I bit off each word, snapping on the final T. “You didn’t kill those kids.”

He took a step back and shook his head. “I might as well have. And if you can’t see that, you’re not as smart as I think.”

I stepped forward, closing the distance he’d just opened. A minute ago, I’d thought he was too close, but now, even a foot between us felt like too much.

“Or maybe you’re just being stubborn. Maybe you’re determined to be a martyr because you’ve got an overdeveloped savior complex.”

He backed up again—only to bump into my desk.

“Think what you want,” he growled. “It doesn’t change that things between us are over.”

“Oh, are they?”

His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean? Of course they are.”

“How so? You’re still living in my house. You’re still stuck to my side until we find this guy. You can’t break up with me if you still have to see me twenty-four hours a day. And as for the physical stuff…”

I stepped forward again and placed my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding through his shirt. I wondered if he was as worked up as I was. And as turned on.

He inhaled sharply, and I hooked a finger into the neck of his T-shirt, pulling it out—and pulling him towards me.

“Kai, please.” The words came out raw, torn from his throat. “I’m trying to help you. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because I’m trying to help you .”

“Why?”

“Jesus, are you going to make me say it? Because I—I care about you, you asshole.”

I caught myself just in time. The word ‘ love ’ had almost slipped out. Was that really what I felt? It might’ve been true, but now wasn’t the moment to examine it, not when I was this full of need.

“You coming back into my life is the best part of these past few weeks. Getting to know you—the man you really are—has only convinced me even more that you’re a good person. You’re kind, and responsible, and caring. You’re brave, and honest, and you do the right thing, even when it’s hard. What else do you want me to say? You’re a hell of a cook and you want to build me a fucking waterfall. You’re insane if you think I’m letting you go.”

With that, I fisted the fabric of his shirt and tugged him close, crushing my lips to his.

His good arm swept around my back, pulling me tighter as his mouth parted. His tongue slipped against mine, soft and hungry. My fingers tangled in his hair as I pressed against him, leaning into the desk. I could feel his hard cock against my thigh.

But slowly, his hand left my back. It moved to my chest and pushed me back half a step. His chest heaved like he’d just run a marathon. I wondered if he felt as dizzy as I did.

“Kai, we shouldn’t.”

I frowned. “Do you not want me?”

“Of course I do. But I can’t think straight around you. My thoughts don’t work right, and everything I’m sure of when I’m apart from you falls to pieces the moment I see your face.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“When I’m trying to remember why I’m not bending you over your desk and fucking you senseless? Yeah. It is.”

“You say that like it would be a bad thing.” I pouted, wondering how the hell I’d gotten to a place where I was practically begging Mason for sex—and he was saying no. I should’ve felt pathetic. But I was pretty sure he wanted me just as badly.

His gaze was pleading. “Kai, if you—if you care about me. Like you say you do. Could you please help me do what I actually want? Instead of making it so damn impossible?”

I searched his eyes for a sign that he didn’t mean it. That he wanted me to push him, to kiss him again, to ignore everything he’d just said. But all I saw was that bare, painful honesty I’d come to love in him.

There it was again. Love.

I sighed. “And what you want is for me to leave you alone? For me to let you break up with me? Even though we were never technically together in the first place, so it’s kind of ridiculous to use that word?”

I added the last part as a joke, trying to lighten the mood. But Mason didn’t laugh. He just nodded.

“Yes. Please.”

The words were a blade to the chest. Mason didn’t want me.

Well—he did. But not enough. Not enough to stay. Not enough to try.

And because I cared for him—because I loved him—I had to respect his wishes.

So I nodded too, and stepped back. I felt tears sting at the corners of my eyes. I turned away before he could see.

“Okay,” I said. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

“Kai, I didn’t mean to kick you out of—”

“It’s fine,” I said. “You clearly don’t want to be around me. I’ll try to stay out of your way.”

I walked out into the hall, closing the door behind me.