Page 11

11

MASON

M y dreams were a mess that night.

First, I was back in Afghanistan. Back in that stretch of desert where the air felt like sandpaper and every wrong decision came with a body count. I relived the failure, the loss. That awful knowledge that if I’d been quicker, stronger, better—those kids might still be alive. I woke up twice like that, heart hammering, skin damp with sweat, needing minutes to remember I wasn’t there anymore. That it was over. That there was nothing I could do to change it.

The third time I drifted off, my dreams changed. I was back in high school again. With Kai.

I was pressing him against that wall, and his eyes were wide with fear. They darted around, like he was looking for an exit or for help. For the first time, I could actually see where we were. The school library. Lunch time. No one else around.

And I remembered exactly what had set me off.

Kai had been at a computer two seats down. I was about to head to class when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and smirked as he typed. I don’t know what made me do it, but I craned my neck, curious to see what he was writing.

KAI

Be there soon xoxo

Assuming Mason doesn’t step on me. He’s in here too, stomping around like a gorilla

AVA

Omg, he’s such an asshole

I don’t know why he’s in here. I’m not even sure he can read.

Omg ?????? So true

I didn’t care what Kai thought of me. He was a smug, nerdy suck-up. But Ava? It mattered what she thought. And knowing she saw me the same way Kai did? That fucking killed me.

“I know how to fucking read,” I snapped.

Then I yanked him out of his chair and slammed him into the back wall.

“Were you looking at my phone?” he spat. “God, you’re a cretin.”

“And you’re a little bitch,” I hissed.

I curled my hand into a fist and punched him in the gut. He folded instantly, his mouth dropping open in pain, hands scrabbling weakly against my chest like he wanted to push me off. But I didn’t move.

When he opened his eyes again, I expected rage. Or more of that superior sneer. But it wasn’t there. All I saw was fear. Real fear.

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t fight. Just froze, like a rabbit caught in the jaws of a wolf.

My anger vanished. It disappeared, replaced by disgust with myself. What the hell was I doing? This wasn’t going to make Ava like me. This wasn’t going to fix anything. I let him go and stormed out.

The dream shifted again.

Now I was on the football field. It was early morning, the grass damp, the sky pale. There was a crowd of kids, laughing, taking pictures. I pushed my way through and saw what they were all staring at.

Kai. Naked. Duct-taped to the goalpost.

And when he saw me, his face went pale with terror.

I woke up with a gasp, chest clenching, breath coming in shallow bursts. My hand flew to my heart. Just a dream, I told myself. But it didn’t feel like just a dream. It felt real. Like another goddamn memory.

I sat up slowly on the couch in Kai’s living room, scanning the space. Something was wrong. But it wasn’t my dreams—or at least, not only them. I didn’t know what yet, but every instinct in my body screamed that something was off.

Everything looked normal. Quiet. Nothing out of place. No alarm system yet—that would arrive soon—but I’d have heard if someone had broken in, wouldn’t I? Surely Bella would have made some kind of noise.

Where was she, anyway?

“Bella?” I called. “You here, sweetheart?”

A rustling sound came from the kitchen. A second later, she padded into view with something sticky and white smeared across her snout. I stood and followed her back into the kitchen. She’d knocked the trash can over and was chewing on dinner napkins, soaked with last night’s risotto.

“Napkins aren’t food, missy,” I told her. “Even if they are covered in risotto.”

She looked up at me, wagging her tail, completely unrepentant. Some dogs had shame. Others had iron stomachs. I supposed this at least answered the question of what kind of coffee she would prefer—day old, with a dash of spinach.

We really needed cloth napkins. I’d bring it up later. Kai would resist because that was what he did, but it wasn’t safe for Bella to be rooting through trash.

Speaking of Kai—where the hell was he?

I didn’t hear the shower running upstairs, and it was past time for him to be up. A thread of worry wound through my chest.

“Kai?” I called. Nothing.

I’d gotten distracted by the damn dog, but that crawling unease was back in full force now.

“Kai?” I called again. “Where are you?”

No answer.

I jogged up the stairs clad in nothing but boxers, my heart pounding. I checked every room—bedroom, guest room, office, bathroom.

All empty.

My chest tightened. I bolted back downstairs, cutting through the dining room, throwing open the sliding door to the backyard. Nothing but that sterile square of grass. I ran the path to the back gate, yanked it open, looked into the alley.

No Kai.

Bella came trotting out behind me, wagging, amused by my panic. Was that a good sign? She didn’t look worried. But then again, maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she loved death and destruction and that was why she was so calm all the damn time. If she ever grew opposable thumbs, we were screwed.

I ran to the side gate, checked the path between houses. Still nothing.

Back inside. I rushed to the front door and yanked it open, scanning the sidewalk. No one. Not a soul.

Where the hell was he?

He’d been angry last night. Maybe he’d stormed off, decided to go somewhere on his own. Probably being a stubborn asshole.

But I couldn’t even be mad about it. Not when I didn’t know if he was safe.

I grabbed my phone and called him. Straight to voicemail.

I texted instead, thumbs flying.

CALL ME

WHERE ARE YOU

WHAT THE FUCK KAI???

Cursing didn’t make me feel any better. I tossed my phone on the couch and went back upstairs, ducking into Kai’s room. His bed was made, so either he’d never slept in it, or he’d made it before he left. I looked around on his nightstand, checked his closet, pulled out all the drawers of his dresser, looking for some clue of where he might be. All I found were a handful of condoms and lube in his sock drawer.

What a lovely fucking morning I was having. Panic, sweat, and the casual reminder that the guy I had accidentally hooked up with might be getting railed by someone else before sunrise.

My chest tightened. Could Kai have gone out to meet someone? Some guy from an app? Maybe he was doing it to spite me. A hot, jittery feeling filled my chest.

But that was stupid. I didn’t care if Kai was hooking up with someone in general. It was his safety I was worried about. That was all.

I flushed, remembering that night on the couch two days ago. I’d been doing my best not to think about it. To chalk it up as an aberration, an overflowing of frustration and nothing more.

There was only one thing I knew for certain, which was that it was a really bad idea to make things between us more complicated. I needed a clear head when it came to Kai.

But this morning, as fear pumped through me, I remembered how mad I’d been that night—and how hungry. When Kai kissed me, he’d lit a flame inside me, a burning need that I couldn’t extinguish except with his body.

I’d needed him. His body pressed to mine. His hand on my cock . My stomach turned another somersault as I remembered how good it felt. His confidence was intoxicating. I was used to being in control, but he made me lose control in so many ways. I’d meant it when I said it was a mistake—but I couldn’t shake the memory of coming in his hand.

But it was seven in the damn morning. Who the hell hooked up that early? Kai wasn’t out fucking someone. Probably. Almost definitely. Probably. Unless that was a thing gay guys did? I wouldn’t know. Even if—no. I shoved that thought away.

Kai wasn’t hooking up with anyone. But he was still gone.

I left his bedroom and headed into his office. Bella padded along behind me, totally unbothered by the fact that I was clearly losing my mind. Or secretly reveling in it, twisting an evil doggy mustache in her mind. Hard to say.

I searched the room for anything that might tell me where Kai had gone. Nothing—except his phone, lying next to the keyboard on his desk. My stomach sank. Had he forgotten it? Or had he left it on purpose so I couldn’t track him?

I hadn’t installed a tracker on his phone, but maybe I should have.

I sat on the edge of his desk and tried to calm my breathing, to do the exercises they taught us for high-stress scenarios. Breathe in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. It wasn’t working.

I hadn’t felt like this since I was overseas, when one of my guys went missing on patrol and no one knew if he’d been captured or killed. This was worse in some ways. At least then I had a comms unit and a chain of command. Right now, I had nothing but a dog and a dozen half-remembered arguments with the man who’d disappeared.

I ran back downstairs, throwing on my jeans and a T-shirt. I stuffed my phone and wallet in my pocket and headed for the door. As I grabbed the handle, I looked down at Bella.

“Tell him he’s a fucking idiot if he comes back.”

I opened the door—and froze.

Kai was there. Standing on the front step, key in hand, drenched in sweat. He was wearing his running clothes like it was just another normal goddamn day.

Relief hit me so hard I almost dropped to my knees. But under that relief was fury—hot and white and blinding. He looked completely unconcerned. Didn’t even blink.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” I growled, my voice rough with everything I couldn’t say. “Do you have any sense of self-preservation? Were you trying to get killed, or just give me a fucking heart attack?”

He shoved past me without hesitation. “Oh, save it. I’m not a child, and I’m not an idiot.”

“Are you sure?” I slammed the door and stalked after him. “Because you’re definitely acting like one.”

“I already have a mother,” he shot back, heading for the stairs. “I don’t need another one.”

I followed. “I’m not mothering you. I’m trying to keep you safe. What are you even paying me for if you’re not going to listen?”

“I don’t know!” he snapped, whirling around. “What am I paying for? I didn’t sign up for you to be my prison guard. I hate feeling like this.”

“You think I like it?” I barked. “You think this is fun for me?”

We were close now. Too close. His chest rose and fell fast, his jaw tight. I could feel the heat radiating off him, could smell sweat and city air and something distinctly Kai.

Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. Back up. Get space.

Instead, I grabbed his face and kissed him.

His lips met mine hard, but he shoved me off almost instantly. For a second, I was back in that dream—Kai pinned, terrified, trembling. I braced for the same look in his eyes.

But there was no fear this time. Just fury.

And then he lunged at me.

We collided like two opposing storms, and suddenly I was the one slammed against the wall. His mouth crashed into mine, tongue pressing past my lips, and I let him in without hesitation.

Bad idea , my brain repeated on a loop. Bad idea, bad idea.

But I didn’t want to stop. Didn’t care. All I wanted right now was him.

My hands moved to the bottom of his shirt, tugging it off over his head. His fingers scrabbled at the T-shirt I’d thrown on, and I helped him pull it off. His hand trailed down my chest and stomach, and mine went to the small of his back. He was so lithe, and I was rock hard.

I spun so Kai was pressed against the wall, and my hands went to the waistband of his running shorts. They were flimsy little things, exposing most of his thighs, and it was clear through the fabric that he was as turned on as I was. But I needed more.

I shoved his shorts down, and he stepped out of them. I stared at his cock. How had I not realized before how gorgeous he was? How had I not realized I was into men? Or was I only into Kai?

In the face of my silent staring, Kai said, “Nevermind. We don’t have to do this.”

“Shut up and let me suck your cock.”

I fell to my knees, looking up at him. His shocked expression faded into one of pleasure as I grabbed the base of his cock. He moaned softly, and that was all the signal I needed. I leaned in and brought my lips to the head of his cock.

He was still all sweaty from his run, his skin salty and sweet at the same time. A little tang burst in my mouth as I licked the precum from his cock. I slid my lips over the head hungrily, then swirled my tongue around it.

His hands dropped, resting on my head. He didn’t push, but I wasn’t planning on waiting anyway. I leaned forward and slid more of him inside.

His cock filled my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. I pulled back, coughing and drooling, but still turned on. I lapped at his balls instead, loving the moans and curses falling from his lips.

I wasn’t exactly experienced at this, but the noises he was making as I returned to his cock were excellent guidance. His hips jerked, and his hand tangled in my hair. He pulled me forward, and I liked it. His arrogance in most situations was infuriating, but here? Now? I hummed in pleasure as his fingers tightened in my hair. I didn’t mind being used like this.

“Mason, fuck, I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come.”

His hand slid free of my hair, as if to let me go, but I didn’t move. I kept working his cock, getting it as wet and sloppy as I could, using my lips and tongue to keep him going until suddenly, he was coming down my throat.

Despite the warning, I was still surprised when my mouth filled. I swallowed reflexively and realized I didn’t mind the taste. My tongue teased the head of his cock, not stopping until he groaned again and pushed me back, too sensitive to keep going.

Kai looked down at me, chest heaving. His dark eyes shone. “That was amazing.”

I opened my mouth to agree, but was too dumbstruck to say it. I shook my head. How was I so blind to my desire for him until a few days ago? How was I unaware of this part of myself?

Was it new, or old? Had meeting Kai again created it? Or was it something I’d buried long ago?

I thought about my dreams again. The way I treated him in high school. I frowned, staring up at him. I didn’t deserve him. He could do way better, and he should do better. I was about to tell him that when his face clouded.

“It changes nothing though,” he said. “This is just physical.”

His voice was cold. He was probably remembering all the reasons why he disliked me. And that was fair. It hurt, but it was fair.

“Right,” I agreed. “It changes nothing.”