Page 79 of Rising Out of the Darkness (Divine Guardians Duology #1)

Elena

T he queasy feeling that rumbled in my stomach every time I zephyred thankfully hadn’t appeared tonight, although the feeling of unease fluttered inside of me the moment I realized where Declan had taken me.

“Your room? Really?”

Shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, he walked over to the bookshelf holding a small bar and made us drinks with his back to me. “It’s the most secure room in the castle.”

Letting out an exasperated breath, I slumped onto the navy settee in front of the fireplace. “Of course it is,” I mumbled, loud enough for my ears only. However, I could tell by his smug smile as he handed me my glass that he had heard as well.

Declan lowered himself into the leather armchair next to me, resting his ankle over his knee.

My wandering eyes traced over the way his dress pants tightened against his muscled thighs.

They continued to explore up his chest, lingering over the spot of tanned flesh peeking through his tunic that teased me in the most agonizing way.

Declan’s gaze was focused intently on his fingers as they circled the rim of his glass.

There was no stopping the blaze that assaulted my cheeks as I imagined those fingers circling over parts of my body. The thoughts spiraling through my mind right now were enough to make even the gods blush.

A seductively slow smile curved on his lips. Instantly, my body was set aflame, my heart pulsing at the same pace as the apex between my clenched thighs. Declan chuckled, taking a long draw of his whiskey. Hells.

It was almost like the man could read my mind, and he was enjoying it entirely too much.

With all my strength, I broke free of his gaze, focusing on the ceiling instead, desperately trying to stop my traitorous body from doing anything before we spoke about what this was between us. What it could be.

After taking some much-needed deep breaths, I lowered my head to meet heated emerald eyes. My restraint was so thin now that I felt it begin to buckle under his gaze.

Pull yourself together, Elena, you can do this.

My lips parted to speak. Declan interrupted before I got the chance.

“Hurting you was unforgivable, but I want you to know how deeply sorry I am.” He slouched over his knees, elbows resting on his thighs as his hands fidgeted.

“Dec—”

“No, Lena, let me get this off my chest. Please.” His voice rasped, as if each word that left his lips was agonizing.

“I’ve always had a difficult time letting people in, especially after losing two of the most important pieces of my heart.

” His throat bobbed, holding back the sob threatening to escape.

I rubbed my chest to soothe the pressure I felt building.

Even with my ward up I could feel the agony within him.

“My mother…my brother”—he paused—“they were my torches in the darkness whenever I lost my way.”

I reached across and placed a hand over his knee. He placed his own on top of mine and intertwined our fingers.

“In the way they were my guiding lights, I became their fiercest protector. My life’s mission became to make sure no harm would ever pass their way.

When I found out they were taken away from me, stolen from this world”—his words were gritted between his teeth as a tear rolled across his face— “I lost hold of my light, and the torch within me dimmed.”

I ran my thumb against his fingers, silently comforting him as he spilled the darkest parts of his soul to me.

“Can you…can you come here?” he whispered, falling back deeper into the chair, patting his lap.

The air thickened around us as I tried to decide what to do.

This seemed too intimate of a position for us to be in, considering the heaviness of the conversation that we were having, but when I looked at his reddened eyes, I surrendered all worries.

The urge to comfort him was by far stronger than the hurt feelings I had been harboring.

Right now, we both needed this closeness.

Rising from the velvet settee, I placed my hand on his shoulder, preparing to perch on his knee and swing both of my legs to the side over his.

“No,” he breathed, “I want you right here, facing me, Wildfire.”

Oh.

Warm hands slid against the bare skin of my lower back as he tugged me forward.

His gaze stayed locked on me as his palms slowly lowered to my thighs.

Knuckles brushed a heated path along my sensitive skin, sending decadent shivers down my body.

He gathered my gown over my knees, allowing me room to straddle his thighs.

Once my trembling body was seated, Dec dropped the beaded fabric and pulled me impossibly closer.

We were so close now, that I know he could feel my hardened nipples as they rubbed against his chest. So close that I could feel every heated breath of his on my face.

There was nothing I could do to hide the muscles clenching in my thighs.

His breath hitched and his forehead fell onto mine.

For a moment, the only sounds were the rapid rise and falls of our breaths.

“I lost myself for a long time, Lena. I blame myself for what happened that day. I didn’t protect them. After everything that they had done for me, I left them alone. I’m responsible for their deaths. It was all my fault…I couldn’t save them…” His words faded to a murmur.

“I vowed that day that no one I cared for would ever be left alone, unprotected.” His strained breaths were all too familiar to me.

I began to rock with him, trying my best to calm his intrusive thoughts.

“Then Alastor—and all those people I—” He choked down a sob, and my arms squeezed tighter.

“I hurt them—what if I hurt our friends?

“It killed me to see the hurt in your face these past few days.” He sucked his lips between his teeth. “To know that I was the one to cause you distress ripped every one of my heartstrings to shreds. Hells, Lena, what if—what if my hands were the ones that took you away from this world?”

Drawing back from his forehead, I met his gaze. My chest heaved at the blast of emotions that must have slipped past his cracked ward. A chill ran through me, full of despair. Tiny needle pricks attacked my skin from the fear and guilt that was written all over his face.

“The only reason I pushed you away was because I thought that I needed to protect you from myself.” He paused as his lashes flickered down. “Lena, I could never live in a world that’s not illuminated by your light.”

Tears began to fall freely now from my own eyes. Gently, I wiped away the ones escaping from Declan’s as I cupped his face with both hands. Reaching deep into my dynamis, I pulled forward the happiest moments I had and lowered my ward to pass them through to Declan.

All the muscles in his jaw began to relax, and the lines in his forehead became less prominent.

“Do you remember what I said in your mother’s garden when you first brought me here?” I whispered, tipping my forehead to rest against his again. “I told you once that maybe we were meant to be.”

He nodded against my forehead. “The perfect balance of light and dark.”

“Since day one, the pull of attraction between our souls has always been strong. No matter how much we pushed away from each other, life seems to find a way to bring us back. We’ve both trapped ourselves in the darkness for too long, Declan.

I believe were meant to be each other’s torches.

We were meant to guide each other back into the light. ”

His fingers tightened their hold around my body. I leaned into it willingly, because I knew my next words were going to be difficult.

“I understand your fears, and the weight of the world you carry on your shoulders. I’ve carried the same guilt with me for a long time as well.” I spoke softly.

“Lena, I told you before, you don’t ever have to feel ashamed for feeling so deeply,” he said, pulling back to hold my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.

My lashes fluttered closed, because I couldn’t look him in the eye when I admitted it. Just as I couldn’t when I had told Clara. “I do, Declan. I have a right to feel ashamed.” I sniffled. “My feelings were the reason I couldn’t save my own mother.”

Slowly opening my eyes, I met his own. He stared at me with his dark eyes, so deep a shade of green, it was like I was gazing straight into the lush pine forests of Ehora. There was no judgment waiting inside them, just concern.

“I could have saved her the night she died, Declan,” my voice shook.

“Lena—”

“I was there,” I interrupted. “I froze, Declan, my physical body paralyzed by the invisible darkness that haunts my mind every day. I let fear consume me, instead of saving my mother. I had a choice, but I wasn’t strong enough to take it.

” He cupped my cheek as my body trembled with guilt.

“Enough…I wasn’t enough , Declan. I never was, and honestly, I probably will never be.

“I pushed you away because I didn’t feel like I could ever be enough for you. Sooner or later, you would see that I had been pretending to be shining with light, but in truth I’m just full of darkness.”

No longer able to hold the weight of my shame and guilt, I collapsed into him, my head tucked between his neck and shoulder. Tears cascaded out of me as he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

We sat there in silence for a while. The crackle of the fire and the sniffles between the two of us were the only sounds to break it. Everything felt right in his arms as I felt the tug of the invisible string that connected us together.

“You have always been enough for me.” His hushed words warmed my neck. “Perhaps even too much, Wildfire.”

I shoved his shoulder, and both of us let out a few breathy laughs.

Declan pushed a few strands of hair around my ear, and I hummed as his fingers brushed down my neck and back up over my jaw.

Everywhere he touched my body, ignited a tingling sensation against my skin.

Pinching my chin between his fingers, he raised my head to meet his stare.