Page 6

Chapter six

Foxx

My phone vibrates in my hand as Finn’s last message flashes across the screen.

A picture of him. With his blond messy hair sticking up all over the place, he’s casually topless, showcasing a tan, lean and firm body that he clearly works hard for.

I’m so entranced, I barely read the message tagged with it.

Finn

So when are we meeting up? I’m way more of a hands-on guy.

I exhale, pressing my tongue against my molars, my grip tightening around my phone.

Hesitation ripples through my subconscious like a wave, taking over my mind.

I should probably let this go. Say I’m busy.

Make an excuse. It wouldn’t even have to be a good one; I could say I have work to do, or some vague, responsible adult-sounding obligation that would make this conversation disappear before it turns into something real.

But I realize something… I don’t want to.

There’s something keeping me here. I thought it was the thrill of doing something new, and possibly terrifying, but no, it’s him.

He’s funny and confident and…exactly what I might need in my immediate future.

I stare at the screen, at his picture, at that ridiculous level of charm radiating off a handful of texts and wonder if he’s always this way. It’s attractive, don’t get me wrong, and it speaks to something deep in my psyche that I haven’t let out in a long time.

The part of me that’s used to relationships almost wants to get to know him more, but that isn’t what this is.

We’re both on this app to scratch an itch.

If this goes anywhere, it’s a distraction.

A one-night thing. A decision that will end with nothing more than sore muscles, temporary relief, and an app message thread I’ll probably never use again.

I used to be the kind of person who said yes to things without thinking twice.

I was secure in my marriage, so I liked to take risks with the one person I felt safe with.

Now, as my very friendly neighbor pointed out, my entire personality has become math teacher and how I exercise intense control in my life.

Somewhere along the loneliness and the day-to-day routines, I’ve lost something about myself, and I want it back.

It’s been a long time since I felt like the old me.

Shifting in my seat, I run my tongue over my teeth.

The last time I let someone see me so intimately, it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t casual. It wasn’t a hookup app. It was the slow, steady kind of thing that started as friendship and became everything else before I even realized it had happened. Ryan was my world, and then he wasn’t.

We married young. Too young, probably. But when you’re eighteen and someone makes you feel like you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your own, you say yes. You believe in things like permanence.

And then, a few years later, when it falls apart because one of you made a decision to remove the fidelity part of your relationship, you tell yourself you won’t make that mistake again.

You tell yourself no more risks. No more things that can leave you stranded.

I created a barrier around myself that rarely meant coloring outside the lines; I see that now.

And yet…Finn feels like he’s never colored within the lines, and I like that.

I drag a hand down my face, my thumb tapping against the side of my phone.

Maybe because everything here is so temporary, that’s why I feel a pull to Finn. I don’t want permanence, and neither does he. I just want to feel something else, that fire that burns in my belly when desire strikes.

Before I can second guess myself, I type…

Foxx

Do you know Aurora Valley? There’s a bar there called The Den.

That’s all I give for now, because this gives him the opportunity to back out, to tell me he’s changed his mind.

Finn

Should I be worried you want to meet at a bar I’ve never been to in a place I’ve never heard of?

I laugh at that. Aurora Valley is right at the edge of my radius I set for the app. In fact, it’s probably a little outside of it, but it’s a quieter town, so I’m less likely to bump into students or faculty.

Foxx

Probably, but that depends how adventurous you’re feeling. Plus, it’s just a bar. There’s a website and everything if you need to vet it.

I’m goading him a little, because I don’t think he’d back down at all, and maybe I need to hear him say that.

Finn

You’ll have to look the other way when I use my fake ID to get in. Is that going to be a problem?

Shit. I’d briefly forgotten how much younger he is than me.

I slip out of our message thread and double check his profile.

Nine years isn’t an impossible gap, but it still makes me pause.

It’s not the number that gets me, exactly.

It’s what it implies. Twenty means he’s still figuring things out.

Twenty means he has time to make mistakes, to change paths, to be reckless without consequences.

But it’s also the perfect age to have fun, and that’s exactly what I need.

Finn

Don’t back out on me now. I’m twenty, not a minor.

My heart falls into my ass as I suddenly realize something I haven’t asked, and my fingers fly across my screen.

Foxx

Please tell me you’re not a student.

Because that’s the answer I need the most.

Finn

No, I’m not. I’ve traveled the last year so. I’m doing other things right now.

As I let out a slow breath, my shoulders relax just a fraction.

Foxx

Maybe we can talk about that when I see you at The Den on Friday at 9

The typing bubble pops up, then disappears. I tap my fingers against my thigh, waiting. I don’t think I’ve ever felt an instant connection with anyone like this before.

Finn

Knew you couldn’t resist me.

I shake my head, but the smile creeping onto my face feels genuine.

Foxx

Don’t get ahead of yourself.

Finn

Oh, I plan on getting ahead. Of you, under you, on top of you…

Jesus Christ.

My pulse kicks up in my neck as I stare at the message.

Foxx

That was subtle.

Finn

I don’t believe in subtle.

Of course he doesn’t. And I like that about him. I might not need him to take the lead when we do this, but initiating it wouldn’t hurt.

My phone screen is still open, Finn’s last message glowing back at me.

The room is dim, quiet, surrounding me with the kind of stillness that makes it too easy to hear my own thoughts.

I feel like someone who has spent the past few years existing instead of living.

For the first time in a long time, I want something.

So, I let it happen.

Foxx

See you Friday.

***

Walking across campus toward my office for afternoon office hours, I slip my phone into my pocket, determined to ignore the fact that I’ve checked it an embarrassing number of times today.

Finn isn’t obligated to text me, but he has a couple of times.

Sometimes he’s flirty, sometimes he’s curious but doesn’t ask too pressing questions, more like “what’s your hot sauce level,” which is wholly random, and always mild.

Maybe that’s what makes the buzz of my phone in my pocket feel more satisfying than it should, hoping it’s him again. I don’t have to check it right away, but I do.

Finn

So I hear you’ve got a hot date tomorrow night?

I huff a quiet laugh, pushing open my office door.

Foxx

With some random guy I’ve never met before.

Finn

Random hot guy you’ve never met.

I drop my bag on the desk, still smiling as I sink into my chair. The grin’s doing something traitorous to my face, and I don’t even try to stop it.

Foxx

Of course, can’t forget the hotness. Or the modesty.

Finn

I’ve heard he’s great in bed and has decent grammar, most of the time.

I laugh into the quiet of my office at his boldness, then something ignites beneath my skin, a buzz that he brought on the first night we talked, and it’s back at the idea of spending a night with him.

Before I can type something back, another text rolls in.

This time, it’s a picture. A café with warm lighting, plants in the background.

I recognize it as Mug Life on campus. Shit, he’s close right now; I could easily find him.

Walk across campus and see if he’s still there, accelerate this whole process…

but that’s not what we agreed. I focus on his hand in the frame, wrapped around a black coffee.

The silver ring on his thumb catches the light.

Finn

I know we haven’t talked about where we live, but if you happen to know where I am, you can come find me and blow off your date tomorrow night.

I settle into my chair in my office and type my reply.

It would be far too easy to go get him now, but I also like to exercise control for myself.

So, instead, I move some of my CLU headed paper away from my desk, then send a picture of my hand hovering over the mouse pad on my laptop with a caption.

Foxx

Tempting offer. But unfortunately, I have a very full day. Looks like I’ll have to stick with the date as planned. Fortunately, he’s pretty easy on the eyes.

The reply comes before I even put my phone down.

Finn

Yeah, that picture isn’t working for me.

I frown, unsure what he means.

Foxx

It’s not?

Finn

No. I don’t like thinking about you sitting trapped behind that desk for the next half a day.

Foxx

Strange hang-up.

Finn

Not when I’m thinking about you bending me over it instead.

My body immediately responds, bypassing the shock and going straight to my blood pumping hotter, and I can’t help but grin. His confidence is one of the things I find I want to exploit the most, and I know I’ll have fun doing that.

Foxx

That so?

Finn

Yeah. Probably not the most professional thing to say, but I’m not really a professional kind of guy.

Foxx

I’ve noticed.

Finn

So, is it sturdy?

Foxx

What do you think?

A pause.

Finn

I think we should rearrange our date to start at your office tomorrow. You might’ve given me a thing for hot office guys.

I stare at the message for a second longer than necessary, waiting for the moment he asks where I work. My pulse rushes in my ears. But that message doesn’t come.

Foxx

That’s definitely one way to get me distracted at work.

Finn

That’s not a no.

Foxx

It’s not a yes, either.

As much as I’m considering it. No, that would be a very bad idea…

Finn

You’re playing hard to get. I respect it.

With a smirk, I shift in my chair, heat simmering low in my stomach. I like the fact he tests the boundaries between us. It’s going to make tomorrow night even more fun.

Foxx

I doubt respect is what you’re feeling right now.

There’s a pause, then—

Finn

Nope. Pretty sure it’s something else entirely.

Want a hint?

I already know where this is going. And I shouldn’t encourage him. But I do.

Foxx

Enlighten me.

The image comes in a second later. His hand on his thigh, fingers relaxed, the hint of denim stretched just a little too tight.

I inhale sharply.

Finn

Technically not a dick pic. See you tomorrow, Foxx.