Page 40

Chapter thirty-six

Finn

“If you think I’m letting you watch any more of those cowboys without me tonight, you’re dead wrong,” I say as I press the phone closer to my ear. “We agreed it was a new obsession we were going to share .”

“I know.” He laughs on the other end. “I’ve gotta get to work, but if I can lure you to me with cowboys later, I’ll do it. I have zero shame.”

“Just cowboys?”

“And snacks,” he adds.

“And you?”

There’s a pause, but I almost hear him smile. “Yeah, and me, baby.”

“Then giddy-up, partner.”

Now I definitely hear him smile. “Please never say that again.”

“Do you really want to rob me of that joy?” I ask, mocking him. I walk to Hudson and Daphne’s door and dig around my pocket for my key. “Anyway, I’ve gotta go I’m just about to go get Rosie.”

“Make sure you give my favorite girl a kiss from me.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know Rosie loves you.” I roll my eyes, sliding the key in. “Oh, and Foxx?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you again for this weekend.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. “No need to thank me. You did all the hard work. I’m cooking tonight, so don’t be late.”

We hang up, and I push the door open once it’s unlocked.

“Honey, I’m hoooooome,” I call out, swinging the door open with the kind of dramatic flair that only comes from a good night’s sleep and borderline inappropriate amounts of sex-induced serotonin.

I’m early. Daph and Hudson both have late starts today, and after crashing at Foxx’s place last night, I figured I’d come over and grab Rosie before they left for class.

Be helpful. Responsible. Brother of the year.

The apartment is notably quieter than usual, though. Maybe they went out.

My brow furrows as I step farther inside, letting the door swing shut behind me. But then I hear something that pricks my ears up. A low sound. A male sound.

I pause mid-step, one foot hovering in the air like I’ve walked into a haunted house. It happens again, a breath, definitely not one of exertion from, say, exercising or moving furniture. No, this one is...suggestive. Guttural.

Another sound follows, this time a sharp, breathy laugh. Maybe they’re watching something with a spicy scene…like, uhhhh, 50 Shades or some shit. Or maybe I’m fucking delusional.

“Please no,” I whisper to myself, now tiptoeing toward the kitchen, with only my keys clutched in my palm, eyes half closed in fear.

The hallway bends, giving me the perfect angle to the open-plan kitchen. I inch forward, praying to every god I can think of that they’re just doing something normal in there. Baking. Wrestling. Playing tag.

But then I turn the corner, and I wish I hadn’t.

Daphne is perched on the kitchen counter. Hudson is standing between her legs. One of his hands disappears somewhere I have absolutely no intention of ever mentally locating again. There’s a shirt on the floor. Someone moans. I will never be the same.

“Oh my god !” I shout, yanking my hoodie over my eyes, covering my vision in pale yellow, like that might undo what I’ve just seen. “No! You animals! It’s nine in the morning!”

There’s a loud clatter, followed by swearing and a very unhelpful, “Princess, did you lock the door?”

“I have a fucking key, remember,” I mutter again, shaking the metal clutched in my hand. I am not opening my eyes until one of them confirms they’re decent. “This is a family kitchen.”

“What are you doing here?” Daphne demands, breathless and 100% not in a position to be indignant.

“I work here!” I gesture wildly behind me, eyes still closed but lower my voice slightly. “As your nanny, remember?!”

More chaos. A thump. A muffled curse. Something falls. I absolutely can’t open my eyes ever again. Then Rosie starts crying from the bedroom.

“Look what you did,” I shout. “You woke the baby!”

Hudson’s voice is strangled. “ You woke the baby!”

“I did not!”

“You walked in screaming!”

“Because I saw things a brother should never see.”

Daphne finally cracks up, and Hudson starts laughing too. I stand in the hallway, hoodie still over my eyes, heart pounding, dignity in tatters, as the two lovebirds giggle about the emotional damage they’ve just inflicted on me.

Rosie’s cries ramp up again, and I point vaguely toward the sound. “I’m going to get my niece. You two need to clean everything. I mean everything . I want bleach. Fire. An exorcist. Call a goddamned priest.”

As I stomp toward the bedroom, I hear Hudson mumble, “At least we weren’t on the couch this time.”

“I fucking sit on that couch, Hudson!”

***

I rock Rosie in my arms, her soft breath ghosting across my collarbone, refusing to look at Daphne. Hudson has already left, but I’m still reeling.

“You can look at me, you know. Do you remember how many times you got into trouble like that in high school?”

“That was high school. This is now.”

Daphne chuckles. “I’m sorry,” she says, sounding anything but remorseful.

“Tell me about your weekend. My first class was canceled, so maybe we can talk? Things have been so busy with school and Rosie.” She turns to me as we settle on the couch, Rosie between us.

I glance down at her tiny hand curled around my finger.

“Did you figure out anything more about physical therapy classes? And you and Foxx? I need to know everything. I’ve got time, and you know I’m the best listener.

” The urge to tell Daphne everything—every-fucking-thing I’ve been holding on to—is so strong, I can feel it tightening in my chest like a vise.

We always used to tell each other everything.

Before Jared. Before I started thinking silence meant protection.

“I’m sorry,” I say, voice rough. “I know we haven’t talked as much lately, despite me being around more.

I never meant to shut you out. I just…knew if you saw me struggling, you’d take it on.

And you already had so much. Your whole life flipped last year, and you handled it like a goddamn superhero. I didn’t want to weigh you down.”

Daphne’s smile fades, her eyes glossy. “Finn…”

“Let me just say this,” I say quickly, and she nods.

“When I lost Jared, something inside me splintered. I don’t even think I realized it at first. But I tried to get back in the water after it happened, and my breath wouldn’t come.

My chest locked up. And I had a panic attack right there in the middle of a beach full of people.

The ocean that used to feel like home suddenly felt like it wanted to drown me too. I lost it.”

My voice catches, but I push through it and let a tear fall down my cheek, because letting it go, and being here with my sister is exactly where I need to be right now.

“I didn’t come back just because I had nowhere else to go…” I continue. “I came back because you and Rosie…I knew you’d be my way through it. Somehow.”

Daphne wipes a tear from her cheek, looking down at her daughter with a watery smile, and Rosie coos up at her.

“In a weird way, you guys and Hudson, the three of you saved me,” I say.

“You gave me a reason to get out of bed when I couldn’t think about the gaping hole I had in my life.

You gave me space when I couldn’t explain why I was unraveling.

You let me find something to hold on to again.

And you never pushed me to explain everything. ”

I breathe a little easier with every word, like saying it is stitching something closed inside of me. My chest eases pressure, and I know she feels it too.

“And now?” she asks quietly.

I pause. My thumb brushes over Rosie’s onesie. “And now…I think I’ve found something in someone else too.”

“Foxx?” she asks, lifting her eyebrows.

I nod. “He’s been…more than I expected. It started as a distraction. But now…I don’t know. He sees me. Like, really sees me. And it’s terrifying. But also, kind of everything I didn’t know I needed.” We were supposed to be temporary, but nothing about how I feel understands that sentiment.

She’s looking at me with that genuine face that I’ve known my whole life, and I already know what she’s going to say. “You fell, didn’t you?”

My heart flip-flops. “Hard.”

Daphne smiles, wide and real. “Good. You deserve someone who sees all of you. The messy parts, the dark ones. The bright ones too.”

Rosie sighs as she leans into my side, and I realize she’s falling asleep. I swallow nerves, preparing to admit something out loud for the first time.

“I want to keep him, Daph, and I’m scared I’ll be too much for him.

” I have no basis to that thought, but it needed to come out of my head.

Even if she tells me I’m being ridiculous, or that, yeah, I’m a lot.

At least I’m not hiding from anyone anymore.

There was once a version of me that believed I had to keep moving, keep chasing the wins and the highs, but now all I want is to be still and present with him.

She chuckles quietly. “You’ve always been intense about the things you love. Why would this be any different? It sounds like he sees you and accepts you. So let him.”

I exhale, even though my lungs feel as though they’re full of sawdust, emotion pressing up against my ribs. Rosie sighs in her sleep, and I glance down at her, my heart twisting in the best and worst ways.

There’s something about being vulnerable in front of someone who already knows every version of me, that makes everything feel just a little less heavy.

Knowing that my sister will never leave my side. That Foxx might want me anyway. That Rosie loves me just because I exist…it doesn’t fix everything, but it reminds me I’m not alone in it.

And maybe that’s what healing really is. Letting the love in, even when you’re still a little broken. Letting it hold you together while you figure out how to hold yourself up.