Page 32

THIRTY-TWO

lenni

“What did you do yesterday after the game?” I ask as soon as we’re upstairs in my apartment.

He looks taken aback, like this wasn’t the accusation he was expecting. “Um, grabbed food, said goodbye to my family, went to The Phantom with a couple guys from the team and went home.”

There’s an ugly silence.

“What? What’s wrong, Lenni?”

“I saw you at the park with a little boy. And a woman who had her hands all over you.” Cam would suck at poker because his face immediately reads guilt. “Who are they, Cameron?”

“That’s my brother. You knew he was visiting.”

Even though I told myself I’d dismissed the ridiculous love-child theory, relief floods me, nonetheless. But I have to steel myself for the next question. “And the blonde who couldn’t keep her hands to herself?”

He scrubs his face with his hands, heaves out a deep breath. My heart is pounding furiously, and I want to scream at him to hurry the fuck up and just break my heart already if that’s what’s coming, but I can’t seem to say anything.

“That’s Serena, Liam’s mom.”

I stare at him, trying to put these pieces together into a coherent story but failing.

“Serena was my dad’s mistress. One of them. We didn’t know until after he died that they had Liam together.”

And my heart does break a little, just not for the reason I expected.

Cam sinks down onto the couch, his shoulders sagging. My heart tells me to reach out and touch him, but the hurt and confusion haven’t quite left me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, I just never felt like talking about it. It’s so fucked up, Lenni.”

The pain twisted into the lines on his face is too much to bear. I sit close to him. “But you didn’t do it.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier. I’m embarrassed by what my dad did to us.”

His words send a chill of recognition up my spine. If I haven’t shared that sentiment about my own dad a million times in my life...

“You don’t have to be embarrassed with me. My dad was the clear winner of the shitty dads competition, remember?”

That earns me a small smile. “Actually, it was a draw. And that was before you knew about Liam.”

He’s right; that’s a kind of betrayal I can’t imagine. At least my father never pretended to be someone he wasn’t—namely, a halfway decent person. “But you love Liam, don’t you? You can’t really hold him against your dad.”

He nods. “I guess I do love him. It’d be easier if I didn’t, though. My mom’s so pissed I’ve been in contact with Serena.”

“Oh. Your mom. I didn’t even think about that.”

“It sucks. After Dad died and we found out what he’d been up to, Serena was enemy number one for both of us. It felt good to have someone still alive to be angry at. It’s only in the last year I’ve come around to talking to her and meeting up.”

“That’s really big of you, Cam.”

“You might not think that if you saw what it does to my mom. But what am I supposed to do? Fuck Liam over like my dad did?” He shakes his head.

“I wish I had the answer.”I feel my heart opening to him; to this side of him I never knew before. The depth of him overwhelms me.

He takes my hand and rests his forehead against it, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about yesterday. About all of it.”

“Family stuff is hard to talk about.” I slide closer until our bodies are touching. He opens his eyes but doesn’t let go of my hand.

“I would have told you eventually if you let me get to it. I’m not great about sharing personal shit.”

I nod, thinking of all the things he still doesn’t know about me.

“But Lenni, give me time. Please? We can’t keep ending up in this place where you assume the worst about me.”

I drop my gaze. “I know,” I say quickly. “I know I have some work to do.”

“So we both do.” He squeezes my fingers inside his palm. “Just understand where I was coming from. I wasn’t ready to bring the Forrester family ugliness into you and me. I’m happy when I’m with you. It felt like that other side of my life doesn’t belong anywhere near you.”

“But I don’t just want the happy side, I want all of it. All of you.” I force myself, for once, to say what I feel instead of hiding. “I want what’s real.”

“So do I.” He leans in and curls his finger under my chin. “No more hiding.”

I nod. “For either of us.”

He kisses me, his mouth warm and familiar, and I wait for a sense of ease, but it doesn’t come. I understand his reluctance to share his family’s ugly secrets. The man sitting next to me is even kinder and more loyal than I already knew, someone whose heart is too big to take sides. But fear is a hard lump in my throat that I can’t reason away. How many times will we have this conversation before we realize the selves we’re hiding behind our shiny exteriors just aren’t compatible? And what will I do if the truth is even uglier than it first appears?

I kiss him harder, wanting to fall into the haze of sex where I feel too good to think. But when I try to pull Cam down on top of me, he winces, exhaling painfully through his teeth.

“Are you all right? Did I hurt you?”

“It’s fine, honey. No worries. Just some of yesterday’s tackles catching up with me.”

“You want me to check the medicine cabinet?”

“I’m good.”

“What about a hot bath? I’ll give you a good soaping if you want,” I tease.

His eyebrows go up. “Will you be naked?”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?”

Ten minutes later, Cam sits squeezed into my little tub, hot water steaming around him. He looks ridiculous and sexy all at once.

“Do you really want me to soap you up?” I ask as I undress for him.

“No, I want you to get in here with me.”

I laugh. “Where? A rubber ducky wouldn’t fit in there.”

“Get in. We’ll find a way.”

We do. I lie against him, my back to his chest. The water doesn’t cover my front half, so he yanks a hand towel from beside the sink, soaks it in the hot water and drapes it over me. His arms encircle me, holding me close, and I relax for the first time all day.

“You’re a real Romeo,” I tell him, closing my eyes. “Five-star dinner dates, Sunday baths.”

“Oh, yeah,” he says sarcastically. “A date I was too horny to make it to and a bathtub so tiny a single rose petal wouldn’t fit.”

“It’s still more romantic than anything anyone has ever done for me.”

“Low expectations, huh? A guy could get used to that.” He kisses my shoulder. “But you shouldn’t. You deserve so much better.”

“Better than what? Cam...” I swallow, willing myself to find the courage to bring the words to my lips. “Cam, you’re everything I want.” Thank god I can stare at the ceiling instead of his face.

His arms wrap tighter around me. “I want to be everything you want,” he says quietly. “I really do, Lenni. I’ve had a lot of girlfriends before, but this feels different. I’m still figuring out how to do this.”

“How is it different?”

“Because we’re different. The rules were clear from the get-go with those girls; that’s why I picked them. With you, nothing was clear except how good it felt to be near you.”

I’m glowing. “You don’t have to try harder for me. You’re already there.”

I feel him exhale under me, and I hope it means he’s as happy as I am right now. Because this moment is perfect; I don’t need fancy dinners or grand gestures. I just need everything we have to last forever.