Page 18

EIGHTEEN

lenni

“Lenni? Lenni! Fucking earth to Lenni!”

Jade leans across my field of vision, and I realize that while I’ve been reading and rereading the text message that just popped up on my phone, she’s been repeating my name.

“Who is it?” she asks over the music pumping from the dust-coated speakers at The Phantom, our local dive bar.

“No one.”

“It’s him. I knew it. Look at your smile!”

I ignore her and reread Cam’s message.

“I told you if you ignored him all day, he’d eventually come begging for your attention. You have to play games with guys like that.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Sam tells me from the other side of our high-top table. “I hate games.”

Jade kisses him on the cheek, leaving a faint neon-pink lip print. “You’re not a guy like that, baby,” she says gently.

“You just called me a loser, didn’t you?” Sam laughs.

“You’re not a loser,” she says. “You’re dating me.”

“I wouldn’t know how to play games if I wanted to,” I tell them. I’ve been itching to text Cam ever since the football game ended, but I was afraid he’d be busy, I don’t know, having a threesome with supermodels or whatever these guys do to celebrate a big win.

But no, it’s almost 11 p.m. and he’s at dinner with his mom and her friend. Could there be anything more endearing?

“So what did he say?” Sam asks. Sam is easily the sweetest guy in Jade’s long dating history.

“He’s wondering what I’m up to.”

“At 11 p.m.? Booty call!” Jade drunkenly declares.

Sam shakes his head. “If that guy wants a booty call, he’s not calling Lenni. No offense, Lenni.”

“Well, answer him,” Jade tells me. “I want to know what he wants.”

“All right, shut up for a minute and I will.”

Jade closes an invisible zipper over her lips and smiles at me. By now I’ve told her every thought and feeling I have about Cam, and while she pretends to hate him and everything he stands for, I think she’s actually dying for something to happen between us. The idea of it—something actually happening between me and Cam—feels both imminent and impossible. I can no longer blame my feelings for him on the magic of the night we met or even the way he rescued me, not after the time we’ve spent together and the undeniable spark that tethers us anytime we’re in the same room. But someone like Cam wanting someone like me doesn’t happen outside of cheesy movies. And isn’t he the one that used “friends” to describe us?

I start typing.

Lenni: Good game today (or so I’ve been told by people who understand football). How’s dinner?

Cam: Painful. Mom just got dumped by her latest dude and she’s on her fifth glass of chardonnay. You do the math.

Lenni: Your poor mom! How about listening to her?

Cam: I have been...we sat down to eat at seven! At this point I’ve listened to her cry about the guy for longer than they actually knew each other.

Lenni: Lol

Cam: What are you doing?

Lenni: Out with Jade and her boyfriend at The Phantom.

Cam: No man on your arm?

My stomach tightens. I love and hate where this conversation is going.

Lenni: No.

Cam: How many dudes have hit on you tonight?

Lenni: Gosh, so hard to keep count. I think zero?

Lenni: So what are your plans tonight?

Cam: Getting out of here ASAP. Can I come meet you guys?

I don’t know what to say. I only know two things: Cam is a bad idea. And I really, really want him.

“He wants to meet up,” I tell Jade and Sam.

Jade gives Sam a triumphant look. “Of course he does.”

“No, with all of us,” I say.

“Oh. Well, I guess if he has the balls to come out...” She trails off in favor of downing what remains of her vodka and soda.

Sam and I exchange a look. Jade hasn’t been this drunk in a while, and she’s teetering on the edge of belligerence. “Are we staying much longer?” I ask.

“Yes,” slurs Jade.

“No,” says Sam.

I look down at my phone and read his text again. The question feels heavy, like a hundred questions all in one. Is that ridiculous? I’m probably being dramatic and self-important. Cam doesn’t need me for company, he could have anyone. But then isn’t that what makes the question so significant?

Lenni: We’re not going to be here much longer. Jade’s drunk and needs to get home.

Cam: Disappointing. I need an excuse to bail. So much boyfriend talk.

Lenni: Some son you are!

“You told him no, didn’t you?” Jade is watching me through watery eyes. “That’s good. That’s the game.”

Which tells me I’ve made a mistake. I don’t like playing games. Jade might know what she’s doing, but when it comes to men, Jade and I have nothing in common. Regret flares inside me. “Are we out of here?” I ask.

“No, just one more round! Please?” She turns to Sam with a pleading face. As though he’s ever told her no.

“One more,” he concedes. “Plus a glass of water for you before we walk out of this joint.”

Cam’s name flashes on my screen once more.

Cam: Okay, my mom just started a sentence with “When we were physically intimate...” Help!

I laugh, and Jade opens her mouth to no doubt offer more helpful tips, but Sam takes her hand. “Come on, babe. Let’s get that last round and leave Lenni to figure it out herself.”

With a few moments of solitude to work with, I scramble for some response that might get me what I want without getting me hurt. I wish I was brave enough to just come right out and ask what he wants. But I’m not, so I deflect instead.

Lenni: Why are you asking me? I bet there are a few dozen lingerie-clad blondes who’d love to be your excuse to leave.

Cam: I don’t want them to be my excuse. I want you.

I smile and let his words drip all over me. Cam could own the world if he told the right girl, I want you . Jade would tell me to wait, but too late, I’m already replying.

Lenni: If you don’t mind putting up with my obnoxiously drunk friend...

Cam: So should I meet you at The Phantom or at your place?

Something is actually happening. No, it’s already happened. He knew the minute he texted me that my saying yes was inevitable, and maybe I did too.

Lenni: The Phantom.

Cam: I’ll be there.

My chest feels all fluttery, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m excited or because I just made a huge mistake. Damn it , I think when I see Jade and Sam heading back with drinks in hand; it’s the latter. Because Jade is wasted. She’s going to be obnoxious to Cam. She wants to hate him, and without enough fuel for the hatred, she’ll go looking for it.

I force a quick, halfhearted cheers, hoping Sam will take Jade home before Cam even gets here. Half of Jade’s drink sloshes over the rim when we clink glasses. Good, good; less alcohol for her to throw back.

“Cam’s going to meet me here,” I announce, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just to say hi.”

Jade is surprisingly sedate at the news. “Nice. I’ll get to meet him—again.” She delivers the word “again” like she’s stabbing someone.

“I guess if you’re still here, sure.” I give Sam a meaningful look, which he meets with a subtle nod.

“Here, babe,” he says, sliding a glass of water toward Jade. “Get this down or you’ll be hurting tomorrow morning.”

Yes, good. I might actually have a chance of facing Cam without the burden of Jade’s hostility to deal with. Then, over Sam’s shoulder, I see him walk through the door.

If this were a movie, the music would stop, the crowds would part. There’d be a spotlight on him, maybe even a fog machine sending up curls of blue-tinged smoke that dance slowly around his stunning, chiseled features. In real life, of course, nothing visible changes. But inside me, everything shifts completely, because even though I’ve watched him walk through doorways before, he’s never done it looking for me.

He scans the crowded bar, and I stand up on weak legs to go to him. He looks goddamn delicious.

He’s wearing a crisp white collared shirt and a skinny black tie, but he’s loosened the tie and shirt collar, and opened a few buttons so a tiny but dangerous triangle of chest shows. His sleeves are pushed up, revealing strong, tanned forearms that make me ache with each step I take toward him. I’ve never been so unprepared for anything in my life.

His face relaxes into a smile when he sees me. I try to smile back, but I’m not sure I pull it off. My heart is pounding and I’m sick with nerves. I don’t want to feel this way about him; it’s too powerful, too far beyond my control.

“Hey,” he says.

Now I’m smiling for real. “You got here quickly.”

“We were just up the street at Salvatore’s.”

“Ah, so that’s why you look like you just stepped off the pages of GQ.” Salvatore’s is one of the most expensive restaurants in town, and even though it’s only two blocks off campus, I’ve never been within shouting distance of the place.

Cam doesn’t argue. “Thanks for meeting up.”

“You might not be thanking me in a minute. Jade’s drunk and she’s got a bit of a prejudice against football players.”

“Been there, done that.”

“She’s a really good person when she doesn’t have a dozen drinks in her, I promise.”

“Relax, Lenni. I get it, I have drunk friends too.”

I take a deep breath and turn to lead him back to our high-top. I can feel his eyes on my body, and I find myself wishing I’d worn something my size instead of a baggy T-shirt. For once, I don’t want to be invisible.

We’re interrupted twice on the fifteen-second walk by people congratulating Cam on the game, and when we get back to the table, Jade is just coming out of the ladies’ room. Despite her drunkenness, the double take she gives Cam is unmistakable. Ha! Even she can’t believe how good he looks tonight.

“Jade,” I say, “this is?—”

“Oh, I know who you are,” she tells Cam. We all wait for her to lay out for us her cutting assessment of him, but she leaves it at that.

“Right,” Cam says. “Well, nice to officially meet you, Jade.”

“Let’s all have a drink,” Jade suggests.

“We already had our last round,” says Sam.

“Cameron hasn’t,” she counters.

All eyes go to Cam, who looks trapped. But he’s been warned not to fuck with Jade, so he nods. “I’d do one drink.”

“Fine, but make yours a water,” I tell Jade.

We order one more round. Sam, angel that he is, carries most of the conversation. Jade, in a shocking turn, sips her water and sits in silent judgment, watching Cam the whole time. Meanwhile, I just want this weird little social circle to break up and call it a night.

I don’t know how to be around Cam with my best friend and her boyfriend watching. I hardly know how to be around him when we’re alone; having Sam and Jade there feels like standing with one foot on earth and the other on the moon.

Cam graciously tolerates the near-constant stream of students interrupting to high-five him or congratulate him on some play. I try not to notice how pretty the girls who approach him are, or how even the ones that aren’t that pretty have an air of sex appeal I couldn’t capture on my best day. But somehow, every time he flicks that sizzling gaze at me, it’s as though I’m the only person in the room. How does he do that?

With everyone’s glasses finally empty, we head outside. Jade and Sam give us a little space when I turn to Cam.

“Thanks for coming out.” I lower my voice. “Sorry if it was weird.”

“What, you mean the unblinking stare down Jade gave me for a solid twenty?” He waves it off. “I barely noticed.”

I laugh. “Next time she’ll be normal, I promise.” I fiddle with my necklace, unsure what to say next, and Cam’s gaze follows my hand, settling at the base of my throat. “So where are you headed? Big party plans?”

He watches me. “No plans.” A faint smile plays at his lips.

Oh. Suddenly I can’t meet his eyes. “Come on. You can’t tell me the MVP of the game isn’t wanted at every party on and off campus tonight.”

“I don’t know where he’s wanted, but I’m not partying tonight.”

I hazard a glance at him, knowing that what happens next is entirely up to me. I’m so tired of this feeling of knowing that what I want to do when I’m near him is the opposite of what I should do.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, at least let him walk home with us,” Jade yells from behind me.

My cheeks go hot. I hate my best friend sometimes.

Cam’s eyes dance. “I wouldn’t mess with her if I were you.”

The four of us set off toward the apartment. I glance over at Cam, taking in the slope of his thick shoulders tight against his shirt and the light stubble on his neck. What would it feel like to unbutton that shirt and run my fingers over those shoulders? To lie down naked and reach up to touch that smooth, muscled body?I feel like I’m melting.

Sam is talking his ear off, but Cam turns, catches me looking and winks, and it’s basically the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced. Somebody help me.

“I didn’t know you two had so much in common,” Jade says to the guys, and I realize I haven’t followed a single word of the conversation. Sex fantasies will do that to you.

“Yeah, I don’t know all that much about cars, but my dad was a car guy,” Cam says.

Cars? What? I try to picture Cam racing a muscle car down the street, but in the image he’s shirtless because why not, and then the car fades away and my brain is off and running with the picture of a shirtless Cam. I suddenly understand what people mean when they say they need to get laid.

“Are you visiting the car show next month?” Sam asks.

Cam nods. “I’m taking my little brother.”

“We should all go together,” Jade suggests, and honestly, I’d take the combative, bitchy Jade over this one any day. First, she hates Cam, now she’s setting up double dates for us, and it couldn’t feel more awkward.“Oh my god.” Jade makes a disgusted face. “Cam and Sam. Yuck.”

Cam looks at Sam and shrugs. “Must be fate.”

“Ugh, it’s too cutesy,” she says. “I hate it.”

“We’re not the couple here, babe, so no worries,” Sam says.

“Excuse me, we’re not the couple, either,” I can’t help pointing out.

Jade ignores me. “I was wrong; the four of us will never work out. Every time I heard Cam and Sam, I’d puke.”

I link arms with Jade, trying to steer her away from the guys. “The four of us aren’t a thing,” I whisper through gritted teeth. “Stop already.”

“Oh, whatever. You know you love him.”

“Shhh!” I hiss. I glance over my shoulder at Cam, who is mercifully several feet behind us and locked in conversation with Sam. “Just shut up about him, please? Things were better when you thought he was an asshole.”

“Who said he’s not?”

“Then stop shipping us like we’re Draco and Harry.”

“No, you guys are cute. He’s barely stopped looking at you all night, and those puppy-love eyes you shoot him are too adorable. I’ve never seen you like this.” Even through her alcohol haze, she sees what’s happening.

At our building, Jade and Sam climb the front steps together. She gives me a sly look over her shoulder. “Come on, guys.”

Cam and I stand on the street, watching them disappear inside.

“Quite the Cupid, isn’t she?” Cam says.

I smile. “Feel free to ignore her. If you want to go?—”

“I don’t.”

He’s probably done this a thousand times: used that voice, those eyes, that body to convince a girl she’s beautiful and special so he can have what he wants. But that’s exactly how I feel when he looks at me like that. “All right.” It takes everything I have to look him in the eye. “Then let’s go inside.”