Page 29

TWENTY-NINE

cameron

Friday evening, after the team meeting, the guys are buzzing about the fact that we’ll have not one but three pro scouts in attendance for tomorrow’s game. Me? I feel like puking.

A year ago I would have been so jacked up I wouldn’t be able to see straight. Tonight, I don’t know what I feel. Maybe I wish it weren’t happening at all.

I’ve played with a scout in the stands before, but this feels bigger, like an opportunity I might not get again if I’m not perfect out there. I know how good I am on the field. I also know it might not be good enough and that senior year might be my last as a football player.

And I could probably handle that. Mom might need to check into a mental clinic for a couple weeks and then rearrange all the family photos and mementos in the house to disguise the fact she ever had big dreams for me, but she’d live.

The person I can’t disappoint is Lenni.

I thought telling her how I felt would help put all those doubts to rest, but it’s only ratcheted up my anxiety. It doesn’t make sense—I know that. She’s my rock. She’s the one who makes the rest of the world disappear with just a kiss. She’s the only person in my life who honestly doesn’t give a damn about football. But she’s so sure that I’m capable of doing it all, of being the perfect student and the best athlete. Of making life happen exactly the way I want.

I just want to be the man she thinks I am.

On the way out of the building, I listen to Cash and Reeve trade theories on who’s going to get what kind of attention from the scouts. We’re just passing by the trainer’s room when Mason appears with one of his minions, some backup punter who sports an obnoxious soul patch.

“Big day tomorrow,” Mason says in our direction. “For some of us, anyway.”

The three of us ignore him.

“Hey, Forrester,” he calls after me. “Let me save you the pain. You’re not making the cut.”

I can tell Cash just wants to walk on, but I don’t. And Reeve is always game for anything. I stop. “Funny, I hear a little boy talking, but no one’s here.” I feign confusion and glance around. Then I bring myself up to my full height and look down at Mason. “Oh, shit, there you are, little man.”

Mason sneers. “Yeah, if height mattered, you’d be king. Too bad your talent doesn’t measure up.”

“Hey, you know what’s gonna be hilarious?” Reeve says, not acknowledging Mason. “When the scouts get confused and start thinking some dumbass parents let their fifth grader loose on the field in a sea of men.”

We keep walking. Mason mutters ineffectively behind us, but I don’t get any satisfaction from his embarrassment. I should have ignored him. Acknowledging his bullshit means he’s getting in my head.

Reeve and I wait in the hall while Cash grabs something from the locker room. My phone rings and I silence it—Mom again. Some girls chat at the far end of the hall by the exit doors, and Reeve checks them out.

“There’s Sasha,” he says. “Be right back.”

As soon as he says her name, it hits me: the picture Mason showed me of Sasha James passed out in bed. I haven’t thought about it in weeks. But is that what Lenni was talking about the other night?

Shit.

I replay our conversation in my head. She never said anything about the football team being implicated. And the sad fact is, there are probably girls all over campus who’ve had their naked pics passed around without permission.

But still...I didn’t do anything about what I saw. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. Tell Coach? The athletic director? Then it becomes a team issue when it’s really about one stupid-ass worm of a kid whose name happens to be listed on our roster. I glance over at Sasha, feeling like a complete jerk. Does she know? Do I tell her Mason’s been showing her picture around?

The only thing I’m sure of right now is I’m going to kill Mason Connery before this season is over.

As Reeve’s walking back toward me, his phone rings, echoing loudly.

“Hey, Minnie,” he answers cheerfully.

God damn it. Now I’m trapped. If only I didn’t spend every waking minute with this neanderthal.

They banter for a minute, and even though I can only hear Reeve’s side of the conversation, I know what it amounts to. She muses about all the hearts he’s breaking and wonders whether he’s getting enough to eat, he reassures her his heart belongs to her and nothing compares to her home cooking. She’ll call him “Sunshine” at least once and he’ll pretend to be embarrassed but won’t be.

As I’m waiting for the inevitable phone handoff, Mason comes out of the locker room. Sasha’s a few feet away and I watch them pass by each other like complete strangers. Something’s off.

“Uh-huh,” Reeve says, walking up to me. “He’s right here.” He gives me a huge shit-eating grin and hands me his phone.

“Hey, Ma,” I say while giving Reeve the finger.

“Cameron, hon. I must have called you four times in the last day. I was growing worried.”

I move down the hallway away from Reeve. “I texted you that we’d catch up Sunday. You know how busy I am right before a game.”

“I know, I just wanted to wish you best luck tomorrow. I’ll be watching, on TV of course.”

I ignore the passive-aggressive jab. I told Mom a while ago Serena and Liam are coming to tomorrow’s game, and I’m just grateful she hasn’t thrown a fit over it. “Coach says to expect a few scouts at the game, so no bad vibes, Mom. I want you sipping mint juleps and grinning at the TV like some crazy lady.”

“Oh, Cameron,” she says affectionately. “Mint juleps are for horse races.”

“Okay, then get drunk and call me Secretariat if that’s what it takes.”

She chuckles. “You’re in a good mood. Are you still seeing that girl? The one you won’t let me meet?”

“The one I was seeing four days ago when you asked me the same question?”

“She must be a special one if you’re keeping her away.”

I never used to mind talking about my girlfriends with Mom, but something about discussing Lenni with her brings on a weird sense of anxiety. “I better get going, Reeve’s waiting on me.”

“Hold on, doll, one more thing.” Mom takes a dramatic pause. “Is she still attending the game tomorrow?”

Just when I thought I’d made it through this conversation without stepping on a landmine. “Uh-huh. She and Liam.”

“I see.” She sniffs. “You know, Cameron, I’ve thought endlessly on this, and I kept hoping that eventually it would all make sense, but it simply doesn’t.”

“What’s that? Me inviting my little brother to watch me play football for an afternoon?”

“You being on her side instead of mine!” she says sharply. “We were always a team, you and me. I just can’t stand that after all that happened between her and your father, now she’s taking my own son away from me.”

I take a few seconds to breathe before I open my mouth. My mom’s dramatics are fucking ridiculous sometimes. “I get that you’re hurt, but Serena’s not taking me away from you, Mom. I’ll always be on your side. It’s one lousy football game, and it’s not for her, it’s for Liam.”

“You know, it’s all over town now what happened to our family.”

“It’s been years, so I’d say it’s about time.”

“How can you be so cavalier, Cameron? You don’t care about our reputation?”

“No.”

She huffs. “From the day I became a mother, I devoted myself to raising you properly and creating a well-respected family. My life’s work, and he destroyed it! You know, I had to tell Mrs. Petersen the real reason I won’t be at your game tomorrow, and she was shocked. A foolish mistake that was. She’s probably already told her book club and half the people she passes at the grocery store.”

I don’t know who Mrs. Petersen is, but I can see Mom’s only getting herself more worked up the longer I argue. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “It sucks what Dad did to us, but I don’t want to dwell on it. Especially not tonight.”

She sniffs, sounding teary, though whether it’s genuine or not is anyone’s guess. “You’re right, hon. I shouldn’t be upsetting you before a game like this.”

“I’m fine. I’ll call you Sunday, okay?”

“Sure. Good luck tomorrow, doll.”

“Thanks. G’night, Ma.”

“Oh, Cameron?” Suddenly, her voice is crystal clear. “She’s not to attend another game ever again. Not as long as I’m paying your tuition.” The line goes dead.

Hard to believe there was ever a time when talking to my mom left me in a good mood. The shitty legacy Dad left us just won’t quit.

When I walk out of the building, Reeve’s chatting up a couple of girls leaning against a blue Jeep. Field hockey girls. I don’t want to talk to them, so I check my email and find a message from my ethics professor saying midterm essay grades will be posted by six a.m. tomorrow. My mouth feels dry. I’d give the world for a fast-forward button on life right now.

Reeve finally notices me and heads over.

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” I say.

“Don’t flatter yourself, stud. You have my phone, remember?” He holds his hand out expectantly.

“Like I wasn’t going to give it to you at home?”

“I’m waiting on a text from this cute sophomore who’s been on me. Great blow jobs, I hear.”

I hand him his phone, but I notice he doesn’t even check it before sliding it into his pocket.

“So why you dodging Minnie’s calls?”

“Next time, why don’t you just eavesdrop and save me the trouble of having to update your busybody ass.”

Reeve shrugs. “It’s my family too.”

“You know why I’m dodging her. She’s pissed about this weekend, and I don’t know how to handle her when she’s pissed.”

Reeve snorts. “Yeah, you do. You yes, Mother it up. You’ve been doing it all your life.”

“Maybe I don’t feel like doing that anymore.”

He gives me a sidelong glance. “Now you know why she’s pissed.”

He’s right. For the first time I can remember, I’m not being the son she wants me to be. “She’s not getting her way.”

“Uh-huh. Glad I don’t live in that house anymore.” After a minute, Reeve adds, “I don’t get the whole thing about you and the kid, though.”

“Liam?”

“Yeah. You’re basically telling your mother to fuck off so you can spend time with her husband’s mistress.”

For a minute, I just seethe. Not because he’s wrong, but because I’m afraid he’s right. “He’s my brother,” I finally say through a clenched jaw.

“Because you share some genes? Big deal. Doesn’t make you brothers.”

“That’s literally what it makes us, you asshole.”

“You know what I’m saying. Family isn’t about blood.” He only meets my eye for a second, but it’s enough; he’s living proof of his words.We pass The Phantom, where the smell of cigarette smoke wafts from the groups of already-drunk students on the back patio.

“I’m just trying to give the kid what my dad didn’t,” I say.

“You’re not his father. And once that lady gets enough money out of you, she’ll probably up and disappear anyway. Minnie’s not going anywhere.”

“Damn, you’re as pissed at me as she is, aren’t you?”

He scowls. “No.”

I was kidding, but looking at him, I think maybe I’m right. “You are. Look at you.”

“I’m not pissed, I just think you’re being a bit of a shithead.”

“Oh, yeah? How?”

“It’s your mom, dude!” He turns and looks at me like he’s shocked by what a stupid asshole I’ve turned out to be. “You’re trying to make up for what your father did, but you’re only fucking her over even more. And with the same woman too! Shit, why don’t you just marry this Serena chick and give your mom the ultimate fuck-you grandchild?”

“Jesus, Reeve, chill out, I’m not fucking her over. Minnie’s mad at me because I’m making it harder for her to pretend the Forresters are the most perfect family that ever familied.”

“Yeah, okay, she is. But that’s not what’s really tearing her up. You’re the one she’s always relied on, and now you’re pushing her aside for Serena. Just like him.” He looks away and we start walking again.

Just like him.

Reeve has this thing about my dad. Mom was always Reeve’s favorite, but I think Dad was the kind of man Reeve wanted to be: successful, well-liked, beautiful wife, perfect family. Dad welcomed Reeve into the sort of family Reeve had always wished for. After the truth came out, I don’t think Reeve ever forgave him for shattering the illusion. For the second time in his life, Reeve lost his shot at having the family he always wanted. Or maybe I’ve just thought about this a lot because it’s easier than thinking about my own feelings for my dad.

“I’m not the only one Minnie relies on.” I sound defensive and lame. “She’s always got you to come to her rescue.”

Reeve stares straight ahead, his jaw set. “I’m not really her son.”

We walk in silence.

I wonder what I was thinking back when I decided that getting close to Liam was the right thing to do. What made me so sure? It doesn’t feel right anymore. It feels just as bad as turning my back on him and Serena in the name of loyalty to my mother.

I think I’m screwed.

“We need to stop for beer?” he asks when we pass a convenience store.

“Nah, we got plenty.”

He nods. “What time’s the basketball game start?”

“Eight, I think.”

“You seeing Lenni tonight?”

I shake my head. “You know my rule: no sex the night before a game.”

Reeve makes a noise like he doesn’t buy it. “Yeah, but you’re breaking a lot of your rules for Lenni.” But there’s no hostility in his voice. “Let’s grab sandwiches or something. Everything in the fridge is moldy. We need to get a few freshmen over to clean it out.”

“Yum. I can think of a certain sophomore we can feed the leftovers to.”

“Since when do you let Connery get to you?”

“I’m not. Just seems like he’s ready to fuck things up at any minute.”

“Big mistake to think that way. He’s a powerless little fuck and you’ve got it all: the game, the grades, the girl. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

But that’s what scares me. Having it all means having everything to lose.