Page 50 of Ride Me Cowboy (Coyote Creek Ranch #1)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Cole

“ W HAT DO YOU MEAN, she’s gone?” Mackenzie asks, staring at me with obvious accusation. “What the hell’d you do to her?”

“Nothing. And frankly, I’m not in the mood to be interrogated by you. Or anyone,” I add, looking around the kitchen, where Austin, Caleb, Nash and Cassidy are all looking at me like they’ve never seen me before.

“Was this her choice, or yours?” Caleb asks, ignoring me, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It was the right thing.”

“You say that like you’re putting a lame horse out of its misery,” Cassidy mutters. “This is a woman’s life. Did you seriously just ask her to leave?”

I straighten my spine, looking at my siblings, at Mack and Caleb who are as good as, and grind my teeth. “It’s none of your damn business.”

“You’re not the only one who liked her,” Mack contradicts. “She was one of us, and you’ve just thrown her out?”

I open my mouth to fire back some acerbic remark but Mack—who usually looks like she could go head-to-head with the maddest bull there is—seems as though she might be about to cry.

I set my jaw. “I said that if she wanted to go, she could,” I mutter, ignoring the huge hole in my gut.

“I didn’t want her to feel obligated to stay. ”

“You think seeing her sister-in-law again made her want to leave?” Cassidy asks, frowning a little. “Was she homesick?”

What if I realized that the place I ran away to, thinking it might just be somewhere safe to lick my wounds, actually turned out to be the missing piece of me?

I close my eyes quickly to blot out Beth’s voice, and the ache her words bring me. The swirling sense of regret and resentment, of fear that I’ve done something really fucking stupid. Even when I know it was the right thing, for both of us.

“Is that it?” Mack asks, frowning though, like she doesn’t buy it. “Because she seemed pretty happy to me. At least, she did until that woman arrived.”

“It’s complicated, like I said.”

“What’s complicated?” Cassidy pushes. “You’ve been dating, right? You like her, she likes you.”

“It’s private.”

“Nothin’ round here’s private, for long,” Nash says, as Austin reaches for a bottle of wine and starts to pour some glasses. The smell of dinner fills the kitchen but none of us makes a move to pull it from the oven.

“Shows what you know,” I mutter, then wish I hadn’t, because I don’t want to talk about the ranch, and the mess dad left us in.

“Keeping secrets, big brother?” Cassidy asks, reaching for one of the glasses of wine and taking a sip.

“How ‘bout we eat.”

“How ‘bout we have this out,” Caleb contradicts. “Mack’s right. You’re not the only one who got used to having her around.”

“It was a three-month contract. We all knew that going in.”

“And she should still be here a few more weeks,” Caleb says.

“And you don’t know that Reagan will definitely want to come back,” Cassidy points out. “I know she did after the first kid, but this one might be different.”

Tension locks my jaw in place. “Beth’s long gone. Any discussion is pointless.”

“But why did she go?” Mack pushes. “You made her leave, didn’t you?”

“I told her she should go,” I repeat. “But she could have stayed.”

“We’re missing something,” Mackenzie insists. “Did the sister-in-law upset her?”

“They fought,” I say. “But no, that’s not why she left.”

“Then why? And where’s she gone?”

Realizing I have no idea where Beth is at this moment makes my gut roll and I take a step backwards with the sheer force of that.

She’s out there somewhere, hurting and alone, and I don’t even know where.

It’s like a massive emptiness inside me, spreading from fingertip to fingertip, taking over my soul.

“I don’t know.” My voice sounds raw, thickened by emotion.

“New York?” Cassidy suggests.

“Maybe,” I grunt. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t know if she was ready to go back there. I don’t know if that’s what she wanted.

Actually, yes, I do. I know she wanted to stay here with me. With us. Not just for another month, but forever. That’s why I had to let her go, because there’s no such thing as forever, and hoping for it is stupid.

“She liked you,” Mack says, shaking her head. “And she liked us. She was a part of all this; we need her.”

I shake my head, instantly rejecting that. “No, we don’t.” I don’t need anyone, but I don’t particularly feel like reminding them of that.

Mack looks around the room, waiting for back up, then sighs. “Okay, whatever. I’m going to be…somewhere else. You’re making me crazy, Cole Donovan.” She leaves the room without a backwards glance, clearly pissed.

She’s not the only one. Except the only person I can blame for this is me.

“So, who’s going to do the books ‘til Reagan gets back?” Austin asks, swirling his wine around in his glass. I watch the rich, red color move like waves against the sides, leaving sticky legs running from top to bottom.

“I will,” I mutter. Like I have time for it. Still, it’s better than getting anyone else in, and having to show them what to do. Sitting at Beth’s desk, where she should be. The ache spreads, almost paralysing me.

“I still don’t understand,” Cassidy says. “Beth didn’t seem like she wanted to leave this morning. It seemed like the furthest thing from her mind.”

“Cass—,”

“No, hear me out,” she says, holding up a hand.

“Mack’s right. She obviously loves this place.

Look at all the stuff she’s done with the social media.

Look at how Mack’s opened up to her, for God’s sake.

So, either something happened with the sister-in-law, or something else did, because there’s no way that girl was just going to up and walk out of here. ”

I square my shoulders.

“She didn’t even say goodbye,” Austin points out. “That’s not like Beth.”

About an hour after walking out of the kitchen, I’d heard her car start up. I’d moved to the window, so saw her drive away. No goodbye. Then again, I guess I did that for both of us.

“It was time for her to leave.”

“You keep saying that like this doesn’t affect all of us,” Cassidy says.

“You’ve known her about three seconds,” I snap.

“Yes, but I liked her. And I liked what she did for you. Do you not even see how different you are around her? Because of her?”

I glance up as Mackenzie walks into the room, holding a piece of paper.

“What’s that?” I ask, glad to be able to change the subject.

“A letter.” Her eyes land on mine, still laced with accusation, but something else, too—moisture. And that is so completely unlike Mack, I do a double take.

“It’s from Beth. Who wants to hear it?”

My gut rolls, and I say, “No,” but I’m in the minority, so Mack perches herself on the kitchen stool beside Nash’s and begins to read:

Dear Mack,

I’m so sorry to leave without saying goodbye. I just didn’t have time to wait. Actually, that’s a lie. I think if I’d had to say goodbye to you, I wouldn’t have been able to leave, and it really is right for me to move on.

I came to Coyote Creek because I needed a fresh start, a space to find myself again, and I did.

But I also found you—and that’s meant the world to me.

You are such an incredible young woman, with so much to give; I hope we can still be friends, even though I’m not just down the hallway anymore.

When you’re a famous Country superstar, touring the world, remember, you’ll always have a place to stay with me.

I also wanted to tell you how brave I think you are.

I know you don’t find it easy to let people in, so the fact you did with me, shows me how much courage is in your heart.

I hope that as you get older, and meet more people like the Donovans, who love and accept you, and want only the best for you, you’ll learn that you can trust without consequence, you can love without fear.

I’m so glad you let your guard down with me.

Look after our baby—I know the social media accounts are in good hands with you.

Love, Beth. x

I listen to Mack reading, but I hear Beth’s voice.

I hear her sweetness and kindness, I hear her own fears about letting people close, I hear her talking to herself, to Mack, and also to me, and suddenly my throat feels like it’s closing in a bit.

I turn around and grab an oven mitt, pulling the roast out and placing it on the stove, just to keep myself busy.

When I turn around again, everyone’s staring at me, Mack with a look of accusation.

Well, not quite everyone, ‘cause Cass has slipped from the room. I look at Austin and Caleb, then Nash and Mack, and shrug. “What? It’s a nice letter, okay?”

“I got one, too,” Cass returns, holding a piece of paper in the air.

I smother a curse. “Can we not do another fucking story time?”

“You don’t have to stay,” she snaps right back, reaching for her wine and taking a sip as she begins:

Dear Cass,

I wish I’d gotten to know you better, because I really liked our time together. I especially love seeing the way you are with Mack. She’s so strong, but being strong doesn’t mean you don’t need someone in your corner. Everyone does, sometimes, and knowing she has you makes my heart warm.

I loved being here, and spending time with your family. I’d say ‘look after each other’, but I know you all will. That’s what family does, and I’ve never known a family quite as good at it as yours.

If you’re ever in New York, look me up. We can go shopping together.

Love, Beth. x

So, she’s in New York, then. Or at least, she’s planning to go back there eventually. It’s like rattlers have wrapped around my chest, squeezing the breath out of me.

“What did you do?” Cass asks again, rounding on me, waving the letter in my face. Like if she keeps saying that, I’ll crack, and tell her I shoved Beth out of lives rather than let her all the way in. Because how could I have her, then lose her?

“She left. It’s done.”

She waves the paper in my face. “This is not the letter a woman writes when she’s happily going on her way.”

“Yeah, well, what can I tell you?”