Page 47 of Ride Me Cowboy (Coyote Creek Ranch #1)

He makes a noise, maybe of understanding.

I don’t know. I drag a hand through my hair.

“It just happened. One thing led to another. I knew she’d been through a lot, but…

” I taper off, because the truth of her marriage is not mine to reveal, no matter how much I wanted to, down at the stables just now.

“You’ve both been through a lot,” Caleb says, with more consideration than I probably deserve. “But it’s not like you to get mixed up with someone who works on the ranch. Or someone who’s just buried their husband.”

Guilt tightens my chest, because he’s right.

“So, I guess you really like her, huh?”

My instinct is to deny that. To downplay it.

Because I’ve spent a lifetime keeping relationships casual and simple, easy to walk away from.

But I can’t lie to Caleb, and don’t want to lie about Beth.

The truth is, this thing grew way out of our hands a while ago.

I don’t know how we’ll wrestle it under control again.

But either way, she’s leaving when Reagan comes back.

“It’s temporary. We both know that.”

He lets out another whistle. “You sure?”

I glance at him sharply. “Yeah, I’m sure. We’ve said it enough times. Beth’s got no interest in sticking around here. Her whole life is in New York.”

The words come out calm enough, but inside, each one lands like a thud against my gut.

“Hmmm.” Caleb sounds irritatingly unconvinced.

“Leave it,” I warn.

Silence resumes, as we drink our beers. But it’s an irritating silence, rubbing over my skin like sandpaper, so I finish my beer and then look directly at him and say, “What?”

“You really wanna hear it?”

He’s my best friend, but sometimes, Caleb crosses over into being irritatingly cocky, reminding me a bit of Beau. Times like this.

“I think you like her more than you’re admitting to yourself. I think maybe you even love her.”

A sensation of being in freefall rushes through me. I stare at him as if from a long way away, shaking my head once as I dismiss the whole idea. “You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“You’re basing this on, what? The fact you saw us kissing for a few seconds, from a decent distance?”

“I’m basing it on how, now that I think of it, you two seem to be ‘round each other an awful lot. I don’t know how come I didn’t notice before this.”

“Because we didn’t want you to. We didn’t want anyone to notice. Beth’s been through a lot, and she wants privacy to deal with everything. She particularly doesn’t want us all looking at her feeling sorry for her.”

“Even when her husband’s just died?”

I grind my teeth, refusing to say what I’m thinking about that asshole, and the things he did to her.

“Even then.”

Caleb considers that. “I still don’t buy it, Cole.”

“You think I’m lyin’ to you?”

“I don’t think you know how to lie, except maybe to yourself.”

The sense of being in freefall comes back to me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Caleb’s sigh is heavy. “I know what losing him did to you.”

I narrow my gaze.

“You worshipped your old man. Hell, we all did. He’s left a huge hole in all our lives, but yours, I reckon, most of all.

You were never great at letting people in, but since him, you’ve been distant, like you’re just going through the motions.

And then, there was Beth. Now that I think about it, that’s when I noticed a change. ”

“What change?” I ask, gruff. I partly want to walk away from this conversation and partly want to hear it out—like watching a car crash.

“You just seem more content within yourself. More settled. Like a mustang that’s been broken in.”

I snort at that idea. “You’re imagining it.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

I collect our empty bottles and take them to the sink.

“Fine; I like Beth, okay? Who wouldn’t like her? She’s great. But neither of us wants anything serious out of this. She’s here for a few more weeks, and then I’ll probably never see her again.”

“And that’s okay with you?”

I hesitate for the briefest of seconds before saying, “Yeah, of course.” And it turns out, Caleb was wrong, because I know it in my gut that was a lie, right there. I’m going to miss Beth in a way I don’t think I can put into words, but that, it and of itself, scares the shit out of me.

I know what it’s like to love and to lose, and all I can think is that I’m glad she’s going when she is, because if Beth were to stay on the Ranch a day longer than we’ve agreed, I don’t know if I’d have much say in whether I loved her or not, and the fear of losing her would probably be the end of me.

I turn to go but catch a glimpse of something moving beyond the kitchen window, and on the drive, see Elsie storming toward the house, her face looking grim.

Beth

“Elsie, wait!” I shout, running after her. It’s a hot afternoon, but she’s striding ahead of me anyhow, stalking toward the house like her life depends on it. I see a glint of red and presume it’s her rental.

“What for?” she calls over her shoulder, without slowing down.

Oh, for god’s sake. I start to run, even though it’s hotter than the surface of the sun and I’m not wearing the best shoes for it, but that doesn’t matter. I don’t want her to leave like this.

“Would you just give me a damn second? You came all this way, just at least hear me out.”

“I came all this way to check in on you,” she says, finally stopping and turning to face me.

She squints into the brightness of the sun, but holds her ground.

“Because I thought you were probably all alone out here, nursing a broken heart. Stupid me, to think you were still upset over something so minor as your husband being in a fatal accident.”

I flinch at her intentionally hurtful tone. I made a conscious decision to spare her the pain of ever knowing the truth about Christopher, but I can still be more honest with her than this.

“He was my husband, Els, and at one time, I loved him. But it’s been a long time since I felt that for Christopher.”

Her skin pales and she stares at me, her mouth gaping, moving, in an awful, silent way, then she lifts shaking fingers and presses them to her lips. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “But that’s the truth. We weren’t in love anymore.”

“I know he loved you,” Elsie denies, tears streaming down her cheeks, so I instantly regret what I’ve done. “He was obsessed with you. If you and I went out for an event or whatever, he’d spend half the time texting me, asking me if you were having fun, telling me to send photos. He loved you.”

Ice seems to be trickling down my spine anew.

His control over me was so extensive, and so overt.

“That’s not love,” I say, my insides roiling.

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to say this about Christopher.

Why put it on Elsie? But why keep lying?

Why keep protecting him? I’m so conflicted, I could scream, but in the end, the words just tumble out of me, like they’ve decided to make a bolt for freedom and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.

“Does that really sound like love to you, Els? Or does it sound like control?”

She stares at me, hard.

“Don’t you think it seems odd that you were the only person I ever did stuff with?”

“You went places, you saw people.”

“With Christopher or you. That’s it. Other than that, I was at home, more often than not, under lock and key.”

She’s shaking. I move to her to put an arm around her waist, but she jerks away from me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Maybe he did love me, in his own way, but the only way he knew how to show that was by running my entire life. And if I did anything he didn’t like, if I upset him, or even if he’d just had a bad day…” I stare at Elsie, and suddenly, the words stop coming.

“He’d what?” she asks, voice wooden.

“He hurt me, okay?” I sob as the admission flies out of me. “Your brother hit me. He was cold, angry, easily offended. I spent the last few years of my life terrified that he’d kill me.”

“I don’t believe this. You would have told me if you felt that way. Hell, you’d have gone to the police.”

“I was too scared for that,” I say, shaking my head. I know how easy it is to say that, from the outside, but for where my head was at, back then, both of those were impossible to contemplate. “Your family’s rich, Els. Powerful. I thought I’d never be safe. He made me feel that way.”

“So, you’re glad he’s dead? Is that what you’re saying?”

I shake my head. Even though it’s how I feel, I can’t admit it to Elsie. “I’m glad I’m free,” I say softly, instead. “I’m sorry for you that your brother died, but…”

“Don’t.” She pulls away from me further. “You are such a piece of shit. I can’t believe I ever thought of you as a sister. Please, don’t ruin my brother’s name by telling anyone else these disgusting lies.”

She stalks the rest of the way to her car, leaving me trembling on the drive, arms wrapped around my torso, feeling like now everything out here is touched with the sadness and pain of my old life—something I’d really wanted to avoid.