Page 25 of Rhaz’s Redemption (Shifters of Valo Prime #6)

Beatrice

I woke up feeling groggy but warm. The rocks I’d placed in my bed did a good job heating my bed throughout the night. But sleep itself illuded me for quiet some time.

Rhaz was such a hard person to read. I played the moment we’d first seen each other when Dameron attacked out home, over and over again in my mine. You are everything . Is what he told me, but did he mean that? We only had a few moments together and neither of us knew what Dameron was up to.

Were those words just the musings of a desperate man who thought he was about to die? I almost believed him until his father commanded us to make a baby and Rhaz was so quick to assure me, we’d never have to mate. That shouldn’t irk me as much as it did, but I couldn’t help but dwell on it.

Then last night he brought me some dried raka leaves which was a sweet gesture but only added to my confusion.

I sat outside in the morning sun with my writing stone hovering above my makeshift paper, but I have no idea what to write.

I’ve been chronicling my time here on Valo Prime for months now.

Many of the couples are having babies and I’m hoping we can teach them how to read and write.

Then many generations from now, they will have an accounting of how we came to be here and what our lives were like.

I want to pass on the importance of historical record keeping, and I couldn’t do that unless I showed them how to keep a record.

But what the hell am I supposed to write about this?

Crazy leader demands we mate to give him grandchild, and despite the fact that we are luminescence mates, Rhaz continues to maintain he will never lay with me in the furs …

I rested my head in my hands and let out a deep sigh.

“Are you well?” Rhaz asked. “I can try to find some tea leaves,” he offered. “There aren’t many plants suitable for tea that grow in the winter, but I can look for some.”

“I…” The look in his eyes was so earnest. He genuinely wanted to please me, but I couldn’t imagine why.

“Do you have any cups?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.

“Right,” he looked down at the ground as if he were embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of that himself. “I’ll look in the cabin to see if we have any.”

“Okay,” I gave him a weak smile. I wasn’t sure how to feel about this tentative friendship of ours but I would be happy for some warm tea.

Rhaz gave me a resolute nod as if finding me a tea cup was a mission critical task. The seriousness with which he strode into the cabin made me smile. He was such an intense person even when looking for a tea cup.

Eventually he did come back outside with a carved wooden cup in his hands.

“Found one! I’ll look around the ravine for some tea plants.

” He set the cup in my lap and then he was off again looking for tea plants as if his life depended on it.

I hid my smile behind my hand and found myself gazing at his firm behind a bit longer than I should.

When I realized what I was doing, I quickly averted my gaze back to my lap and my blank piece of leaf paper.

Day 2 in the ravine . I began my journal entry.

Rhaz is going to find me some tea .

I had to start somewhere. It might as well be here.

A few minutes later Rhaz came back with tea leaves in hand and a large bone bowl for boiling some water. He headed into the cabin and when he came out again, he held a mug of steaming water with some leaves swirling inside.

I happily welcomed the warm cup into my hands and took a sip.

“Mmm,” I sighed. “It tastes like jasmine.”

“And that’s good?” He asked, trying a failing to not look too eager while he awaited my response.

“Yes, it’s very good,” I nodded. “Jasmine tea was one of my favorites.”

“Good,” he nodded, looking pleased while he tied more reeds together to make rope. “I’ll make sure you have plenty of tea leaves while we’re here.”

Again I was struck with the desire to ask him why it was so important I have tea leaves, but I held my tongue. I didn’t know what brought on this change of heart, but I was willing to see where this was going.

“Uh, thank you,” I replied then got up and walked to the other end of the ravine. I hadn’t explored much yesterday, and I felt the need to distance myself from Rhaz and his confusing desire to please me.

I was a shy nerdy librarian back home. No one ever went out of their way to pursue me. So in a way when Rhaz rejected my affection it felt more normal than whatever this was now.

I let my thoughts wander as I made my way to the end of the ravine. It wasn’t a wide space, but thankfully it was long. We had plenty of room to walk back and forth if we needed to, and there were a surprising amount of fruit trees here.

I picked a pear-shaped fruit from the tree and took a bite. Sweet juices burst onto my tongue and I moaned as a peach-like flavor washed over me.

In the distance I heard Rhaz drop something. When I turned to see if he was okay, he was quickly picking up a bundle of sticks and looking very out of sorts.

When my gaze caught his he gave me a weak smile and waved which caused him to drop half the bundle of sticks again. He gave up on that half and strode inside the cabin with what he had left.

“How odd,” I said to myself. What would make him do all that?

I made my way back toward the cabin then kept walking to the other end of the ravine, just to get a sense of the space we would be living in for the next week.

We’d glow for each other again within that time frame, and I loathed the idea of suffering through that kind of longing alone.

Rhaz had made it very clear that we wouldn’t be helping each other through our monthly luminescence, though which soured my morning mood despite the sweet fruit I’d found.

By the time I circled back toward the cabin Rhaz was outside working on his corded rope again. I headed inside ready to pout about my plight when I saw something on the small table near Rhaz’s bed of furs.

I narrowed my eyes at the object and whispered to myself, “it can’t be.”

Then I approached the table slowly as if it were a sleeping beast that might wake and bite my hand. Lo and behold sitting on the table was the leaf star I’d given Rhaz almost a month ago.

What kind of sick and twisted joke was this? Did he keep the star as a cruel reminder of how much he’d hurt me?

I’d given this to him as a gift right before I asked if we could try to build a relationship, and he responded by informing me we’d never be mates, and that he’d never lay with me in the furs.

Why? Why keep this? Did he set it out in hopes that I’d find it? Was his goal to break my heart all over again?

That’s it. Enough with this weird new version of Rhaz. Enough with his fake niceness. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now.

I grabbed the star-shaped leaf and headed outside.

Rhaz was sitting on a fallen log as he worked on his homemade rope.

“What is this?” I demanded as I held up the star.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at what I was holding in my hand.

Rhaz furrowed his brows and answered, “It’s the leaf star you gave me.”

“Why do you have it?” I pressed again.

Rhaz cocked his head as he stared up at me as if he didn’t understand my question.

“You gave it to me,” he said slowly. “Should I have given it back?”

“No,” I sighed and ran a hand down my face in frustration.

“I just don’t understand why you kept it. Are you trying to hurt me again? Wasn’t one time enough?”

“Hurt you?” Rhaz let his project fall to the ground as he stood up and approached me.

“I’d never intentionally hurt you. I kept the leaf star because it was a gift from you. I know it’s meant to be burned, but I’d never get rid of something you gave me. It just…it didn’t feel right,” he confessed.

“Why?” I ground the word out through gritted teeth, and he took a step back.

“Why would you keep the star when you don’t want to be with me?” I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice by sounding angry, but I wasn’t sure I’d been very successful. Even I could hear the raw pain in my words.

“I do want to be with you,” Rhaz claimed with an expression of pain on his face.

“No you don’t!” I shouted, and despite my anger and my rage, Rhaz didn’t take a step back. Instead his expression grew stern and he took a step forward and lift my chin in his hand so my eyes met his gaze.

“I do want you,” he seethed. “I want you so badly it hurts.”

I slapped his hand away and remarked, “you didn’t want me before.”

“I was a fool before,” he shot back.

“Oh yeah? What changed? What makes you less of a fool now?”

“I thought I was cursed before,” he admitted. “It wasn’t until I confronted my sire that I realized I’m nothing like him.”

“I told you that you weren’t like him,” I hissed.

“I know,” he scowled. “And I should have listened.”

That made me pause. I hadn’t been expecting him to agree with me, but I wasn’t done arguing yet. Not by a long shot.

“Yes, you should have.”

The pained expression returned to Rhaz’s face and he confessed, “I’m so sorry, Beatrice. I said things I shouldn’t have, and I hurt you in ways that I never intended.”

He slowly lifted his hand to my face and I didn’t move away. I should move. I should hold onto my anger, but there was a part of me that longed to be touched, to be seen, so I didn’t move.

His hand gently cupped my cheek and he looked deep into my eyes. “You are everything to me. I made a mistake before, but I wish to make myself worthy of you now.”

I turned away from his touch. “You only feel that way because we luminesced. You don’t have to like me just because fate brought us together.”

“I liked you long before that, my bright light. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you. That first night we found you all huddled together in Orus’s den, I’ve wanted you.”

I swallowed hard. That was a powerful confession.

“You made it look so easy to deny me.”

“It wasn’t. I can assure you that. You told me I’d regret every word I said, and I do. You also said I’d beg for forgiveness and that’s what I’m doing now.”

Rhaz got onto his knees before me, and all the breath I had wooshed out of my lungs.

“Please let me try again,” Rhaz pleaded. “Let me make myself worthy of you, worthy of your light and your darkness, your beauty and your thorns. All of you, every bit.”

I was speechless. I was still so angry, but now I was also…I don’t know. It was like my heart was made of ice and even though Rhaz was a beautiful intense flame, my heart would not thaw. I wanted this. I knew I did. In my head this was a dream come true, but my emotions just weren't there yet.

I felt a chip of my icy heart begin to melt and I reached out to brush my finger lightly along his right horn. Rhaz shuddered and I melted a little bit more.

“I would like to try again,” I admitted. The words felt distant but true. I wanted to try. It might take me a while to process what I was feeling, but eventually we might meet in the middle. Rhaz’s intense flame and my cold heart might one day become one.