Page 31

Rio

“Miller, can I get you another?” Stevie asks, standing from the floor where she’s sitting next to me.

Miller holds up the same Corona she’s been nursing all night. “I’m one and done these days.”

“Says the woman who met her husband while literally double-fisting on a weekday morning.” Kennedy’s head falls back in laughter.

“Yeah, well, your girl has two kids and two businesses now. I can’t afford to wake up hungover.”

Stevie silently takes inventory of Kennedy’s and Indy’s empty drinks before turning to me. “Rio, another glass of wine?”

I check my glass to see how much is left, only to realize I’ve barely had any, regardless that I poured it over an hour ago.

“I think I’m going to be one and done tonight too.”

“Girls’ nights have certainly changed, haven’t they?” Stevie says, heading into Indy’s kitchen to grab another round for everyone but me and Miller.

I can feel Indy watching me from the couch. “Rio, are you all right?”

Nodding quickly, I tell her, “Of course I am.”

Her eyes narrow suspiciously, but thankfully her attention is pulled away when Stevie returns with a new drink for her.

I probably should’ve bailed on hanging out tonight, seeing as I’ve been feeling off for days. But it only happens once in a while that these girls can get together without their kids or the guys, and though I fall into the “guys” category and technically shouldn’t be included in girls’ night, it’s never stopped me from attending before.

After spending all day, every day with a bunch of dudes, I value my time and friendship with these four. Plus, I was hoping that seeing my friends would pull me out of my head.

It hasn’t.

I’ve played like absolute garbage in the two games since we got back from seeing Hallie’s dad. I can’t focus. I can’t stop beating myself up. I barely sleep, and though that’s nothing new, I wake up from the few hours I do get feeling like I got kicked in the stomach when reality sinks in again.

I’ve still seen Hallie almost every day, either at my house when she’s meeting with contractors or when I drive her home at night from the bar. But it feels different.

I’m making it feel different because I can’t look at her and not hate myself for letting her go. Honestly, I don’t know how she can even look at me . I can’t change the past now, but I don’t know how she’d ever be able to move on from what I’ve done and see a future together. And that is a terrifying realization that’s been constantly floating around in my head this week.

“Rio?”

Kennedy’s voice pulls me out of my head, and I snap out of it to find all four of them looking at me. “Huh?”

“I was saying that we’re all coming to your game against San Jose at the end of the month. It might be the last one that Isaiah and I can make it to for a while since we leave for spring training soon.”

“Oh.” I nod. “Cool.”

“Do you think Hallie would want to join us?” Miller asks.

“Yeah... um. I don’t know. Maybe.”

Indy nudges Miller’s shoulder. “Should we bring the kids, or do you think your hot dad would be up for babysitting?”

“Gross.” She grimaces. “You guys have got to stop calling him that.”

“We can’t,” Stevie chimes in. “Even my husband refers to Monty as Miller’s hot dad.”

Kennedy is trying to hold back her laughter. “Who started that?”

“Ryan,” Indy and Stevie say at the same time.

“I think the boys might be in love with him,” Indy continues. “Both of them always talk about hoping to look as good as him at that age. And ‘did you see how fucking jacked Miller’s hot dad is?’”

“And Zee is constantly drooling over Monty’s tattoos,” Stevie adds.

“Why?” Miller could not look more disgusted. “Zee is fully tatted up himself.”

“Yes, but they’re not Miller’s hot dad’s tattoos.”

Miller closes her eyes. “I hate this so much.”

Kennedy can’t stop laughing, but she doesn’t chime in on the conversation. Probably because Miller’s dad is not only her colleague, but also Isaiah’s coach, and that would just make things weird.

Stevie swats my leg. “How does that make you feel, to know that Ryan Shay has himself a man-crush, but it isn’t you?”

I shrug.

Everyone’s eyes narrow.

“I mean, yeah,” I amend. “Have you seen Monty?”

That doesn’t do anything to sway their suspicion. Probably because I’m mentally checked out and there’s no playfulness in my tone the way there is ninety-nine percent of the time.

“Rio,” Indy says softly. “Something is up. Is Hallie’s dad okay?”

They’re all aware I missed the Boston game and, of course, I told Zee what was going on before I left for the airport, so I couldn’t exactly keep certain facts from my friends.

But they don’t know the details. Only that Hallie’s dad had a scare, and I wanted to be there.

I shake my head. “Yeah. It’s not that.”

Well, not entirely.

Indy watches me. “You know you can tell us anything, right? If you need to talk about something.”

My attention bounces around the room to each of them. I’ve seen every single one of their relationships form from the beginning to now. I was on the plane the day Stevie met Zee. Indy stayed at my house in the few days she wasn’t sure Ryan saw a future with her or not. I still remember the night when we all figured out that Miller was in love with Kai, even if she hadn’t realized it herself. And Kennedy... Well, I watched Isaiah obsess over her for years before she married him.

But I’ve never needed advice in the relationship department because for the last six years, I didn’t take anything past an introductory date.

Because no one else was the girl I had been in love with since I was twelve.

“Rio,” Kennedy says cautiously. “Do you want to talk about something?”

“I think I need some advice.”

Four way too excited smiles reflect back at me, like they’ve been waiting the entire duration of our friendship for this opportunity.

“But this stays here,” I continue. “There are two reasons why I never talked about Hallie before. One, is that when I left Boston, I tried my best to pretend that part of my life didn’t exist. And two, because I blamed Hallie for the reason I wanted to forget it all, and I didn’t want any of you to think less of her. But I’ve recently come to the realization that I was the one who fucked everything up, and I’m perfectly okay with you guys thinking less of me . I need to get this off my chest because I don’t know where to go from here.”

Miller leans forward, chin in her hands as she listens intently. “Tell us everything.”

And so, I do.

“It all started when I was twelve. I was outside playing hockey when our new neighbors pulled into their driveway for the first time.”

I continue to tell them everything. How we met. How we became friends. How we spent her thirteenth birthday and every one after that. I tell them how we fell in love. How I viewed my parents’ relationship and how I thought I had found the same thing. How Hallie was and still is the only woman I’ve ever loved.

I tell them why we kept it a secret from our families and how when we finally told them about our relationship, everyone but her brother had already figured it out.

I tell them about the summer I got drafted and about all the plans we made for our life here in Chicago. I tell them about my dad and what Hallie accidentally found out. I tell them about how angry I was that she didn’t tell me, and how broken my mom was afterward.

I tell them how fucked up my parents’ divorce made me. I tell them about the grudge I held for years over Hallie not telling me the truth. I tell them about how I essentially ran away, thinking I left everything behind, only to spend the next six years comparing every person I met to her.

Without giving details that aren’t mine to share, I tell them that her dad had been sick, and I only recently found out. I tell them the timeline of when she got the news and how it only added to the reason she didn’t tell me about my own dad, though I had already forgiven that detail before I knew anything else.

I tell them what she was left to deal with and how mad I am at myself for putting her in that position. And I tell them how I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how badly I fucked up and ruined the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.

But I don’t tell them the small things. The pieces that really make our story ours . The things that are special because only Hallie and I understand their significance.

“So yeah,” I finish. “That’s the whole story.”

The room is completely silent. Looking around, I find four gaping mouths unable to find any words to say.

And then there’s Indy...

“Indy.” I furrow my brows. “Are you crying?”

“Of course I am!” She wipes at her face. “I’m always crying, so I don’t know why you’re surprised. But that is the most beautiful story I’ve ever heard, and I just love love, okay?”

“Did you not hear the ending? I fucked it all up.”

The other three who aren’t crying, start laughing instead.

Stevie shakes her head, trying to contain her smile. “No, you lovable idiot. You didn’t.”

“Damn,” Miller exhales. “If Kai hadn’t already convinced me, that right there would’ve made me believe in love.”

“That story makes me want to go home and see Isaiah.” Kennedy leans her head on her sister-in-law’s shoulder. “Then ask him why he only pursued me for three years before we got married when he should’ve started thinking about me at the age of twelve.”

That finally makes me smile, which feels nice.

Indy keeps wiping at her face, cleaning herself up. “I always thought that the first time you brought someone around, we’d have to interrogate them or something. Figure out their intentions and decide if they were good enough for you. Like four overbearing and overprotective sisters, but...” She shakes her head. “I like this outcome so much more.”

I set my still full glass of wine on the coffee table in front of me. “I know you all thought I had literally no game, and that’s why I had never been with anyone the whole time I’ve lived here. But the reality is, I just wasn’t interested. I wanted to be. I really wanted to prove myself right that Hallie wasn’t the one, but every person I met further confirmed that she was.”

“Stop.” Stevie falls back onto the floor next to me. “I love hearing you talk like this.”

Miller is laughing. “No one actually thought that, Rio.”

“You really think we believed you went on these first dates and not a single person was interested in a second?” Indy laughs. “First of all, have you looked in a mirror? And secondly, you’re you. Who wouldn’t be interested?”

“What the hell?” My voice rises. “I hit on every single one of you over the years. And none of you were interested.”

Kennedy rolls her eyes. “We don’t count.”

“I’m just saying,” Indy continues, “we knew you weren’t as hopeless as you led us to believe you were, but I wasn’t going to push you to tell me why you wanted us to think that.”

I huff a laugh. “I guess I thought it was easier to sell that story than have to explain why I wasn’t interested in anyone. I didn’t want you to know about Hallie because I know what you all would’ve said.”

Indy lifts a brow. “That you should go get her?”

“Exactly.”

Stevie sits up. “Well then, we’ll say it now. Rio, you should go get her.”

Miller holds up her nearly empty beer. “Take it from me. There’s no point in running away.”

“Again,” Kennedy tacks on.

I shake my head. “She’s not going to forgive me.”

“Honey,” Indy coos. “I saw the way she looked at you the night she helped watch the kids. She already has. It sounds like the only person who hasn’t forgiven you is you.”

“Yeah,” Miller agrees. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

I can’t help but laugh at the directness. “Well, damn.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not great at soft and sweet, but Rio, come on. You running away again is not only punishing you, but it’s also punishing her. You said it yourself, you’ve already fucked up once, so don’t go fucking it up again. Simple as that.”

“I’m not running away.”

“Does she know that?”

My attention flicks to Kennedy, Stevie, and Indy to confirm at least one of them is going to cut in and say something to the effect of “of course she knows.” But they’re all looking at me too, silently asking the same question.

“Yes,” I finally say. “Of course she knows I’m not. I put the ball in her court weeks ago. I told her that when she was ready to give us another chance, so was I.”

“Oh my God.” Kennedy falls back onto the couch. “Have we taught you nothing?”

“Rio,” Stevie scolds. “Come on.”

Miller is shaking her head. “Ind, do you want to take this one? You’re going to be nicer than me.”

Indy smiles at me weakly. “Rio, honey. My sweet angel of a best friend, you’re killing me here. I get that Hallie had time to forgive you because she had years to process this all, and that you needed time to forgive yourself, but the ball is in your court right now. If she understands you as well as it seems she does, I’d suspect she knows that you’re busy beating yourself up over all of this and she’s waiting for you to tell her when you’re ready to let that go.”

“No,” I argue. “No, I’m waiting for her.”

They all wait for me expectantly.

Hallie hasn’t seemed off since we got home from Minnesota or acted differently at all. She hasn’t given me the cold shoulder or actively avoided me. She still shoots me that same excited smile anytime I show up at her work to drive her home. She still texts me a thank-you message with about a thousand exclamation points each morning after she finds the latte I left for her on her doorstep.

Holy shit. I’m an idiot.

I shoot up from my seat. “Why didn’t you guys tell me?”

Kennedy cocks her head. “We just did.”

“ Fuck me . You would’ve thought I learned something in all the years I’ve been coming to these girls’ nights, but apparently not.” I race around the house, gathering my keys and jacket. “I’ve got to go. I have to tell her.”

“Hell yeah, you do!” Miller cheers.

“Good luck!” Kennedy chimes in.

Stevie holds a hand over her heart. “They grow up so fast.”

Lastly, I look to Indy, who is fucking crying... again .

“Ind, really?”

“I’m not crying! I’m fine. I’m just really happy that you’re happy.” She cleans up under her eyes. “You deserve to be happy, Rio. You both do.”

I offer her a coy smile before I’m out the door and racing to my truck.

Because she’s right. We both deserve to be happy.

Parking in my driveway, I jog across the lawn and up the steps to Hallie’s front door, knocking frantically and praying that she’s home.

I pace the front porch, impatiently waiting for someone to open the door while reviewing everything I rehearsed on my drive home. There’s no answer, so I knock one more time, just to be sure, before I get back in my car and try to figure out where else she might be.

Finally, the porch light flips on and the door cracks open.

“Rio?” Hallie peeks outside. “Is everything okay?”

And suddenly, everything I had prepared to say flies out the window.

God, she’s beautiful. Has she always been this beautiful?

The easy answer is yes. I’ve known almost every iteration of this woman and have loved each version. She has been my favorite person since I was twelve, and fifteen years later, that hasn’t changed.

“I didn’t tell you something the other night,” I finally blurt out.

She lifts a brow in interest.

“Well, I didn’t tell you a lot of things, but the biggest one is that even though I am mad at myself, I am so proud of you.”

She opens the door fully, leaning on the doorframe to listen.

“I am so proud of you for taking care of everything you did these last handful of years. I fucked up. We both know that now, and I am so sorry. I’ll never be able to say that enough. I’d offer to start over with you, but I’m afraid if we do that, you’d end up introducing yourself again and I feel like twice in a lifetime is plenty.”

Her head falls back with a laugh, and the sound is so fucking lovely. It’s all the encouragement I need to keep going.

“And honestly, Hallie, I don’t want to start over with you. I want to accept that we went through some shit, you more than me. We hurt each other, and I made mistakes.”

“I did too,” she cuts in.

“And those mistakes changed us in certain ways, but in others, we’ve remained the exact same. It wouldn’t be our story if we ignored all the bad parts, so I’m not going to. I’m not going to run away because where could I go? Hallie, you’re in here.” I tap my chest. “Regardless of the years we spent apart, you’re still in here.”

She’s trying to hold back her smile, which seems like a good sign. “Are you sure that’s not just a first-love thing?”

“No, baby. It’s a last-love thing.”

I take a step closer, into the doorway, bracing my hands on either side of it and subsequently her. But I don’t go any farther because I have one more thing to say and I won’t be able to if I get my hands on her.

“The other night when I said I hoped that one day you’d let me fall in love with you again, what I meant to say was that I hope to earn the chance to fall in love with you again. And that’s not going to happen if I’m too busy regretting the past. So, yes. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and it’s probably going to take some time to fully forgive myself for it, but I don’t want to waste that time without you.” With both hands, I cup her jaw, sliding my fingers into her hair. “It’s always been you, Hallie, and I think we both know it.”

She’s just standing there, smirking up at me.

“So, yeah...” I stumble. “That’s my big speech.”

“Are you done?”

“I’m done.”

“Then you should probably kiss me now. We already lost six years. I don’t feel like wasting any more time.”

I quickly agree. “I probably should.”

Smiling, I lean down and press my mouth to hers and it feels like the biggest sigh of relief, the way our bodies melt into one another. She wraps her arms around my neck, parting her lips and letting me kiss her deeper, harder, more urgently.

“That was adorable, you two!” Wren shouts from somewhere inside. “But if you’re going to finally fuck, can you do it at Rio’s house? I need to study.”

Hallie pulls her lips away from mine when we both start laughing, dropping her head to my chest.

But I think it’s the feeling of lightness between us that has us acting all giddy. It finally feels like it should. There’s no heaviness hanging over us. There’s no animosity.

She tilts her head back, chin on my chest, as she looks up at me, and I take my time searching her face for the answer. Because we both know what it means if we go there. We’re doing this again. We’re fully in it. Me and her.

I tuck her hair behind her ear. “What do you say, Hal?”

She nods. “I think you should take me to your house.”

I can’t hold back my smile. “Did I ever tell you how much I love the convenience of us being neighbors?”

Reaching down, I cup her ass with both hands, lifting her to wrap those pretty legs around my waist. She crosses her arms around my shoulders and lets out a little squeal when I quickly take off to my place across the yard.

I’ve got my house key in the lock when she runs her fingers through my hair and says something that stops me in my tracks.

“Rio.” Her eyes bounce between mine. “You should know. It’s always been you too.”