Page 15

Rio

Age 17

“Since when are guys allowed at my little sister’s birthday parties?” Luke asks, eyes locked on his living room as we stand in the entry to the kitchen.

“She’s sixteen. Of course she’s going to have guys here. We’re here.”

“We don’t count. I’m her brother and you may as well be.”

That makes me visibly grimace. I’ll tell you one thing. Me and Hallie couldn’t be further from that , even though neither of our families know for certain what’s going on. Of course, my mom knows about my feelings for her, but she doesn’t know the rest.

They have no idea how often we meet on the roof, where she lays on my chest and I play with her hair while we simply talk. Or how I sleep in her room most nights—on the floor, but still. They have no idea that me saying I like her doesn’t exactly encompass how I actually feel about the girl.

“I don’t know why you’re being weird about it,” I say to Luke. “Our friend groups are completely intertwined at this point. Most of these people are your friends too.”

He shakes his head. “That’s my baby sister.”

“Dude, you were sixteen like a year and a half ago.”

“You don’t get it, but you’re lucky you don’t have to deal with figuring out if your friends are actually your friends or if they’re hanging around because they want to get with your sister.” That statement hangs in the air before there’s a loud crash somewhere down the hall. “What the hell?” he groans. “Everyone is sober. Why are they breaking stuff?”

He bolts in that direction, leaving me standing there and feeling like shit.

I want to tell him.

I’ve tried to tell him. I’ve started the conversation so many times this past year, but then I chicken out when he makes some remark about me being his best friend and knowing I’d never betray him by dating Hallie. I think our parents would be cool with it, but Luke... I don’t see a day Luke would ever be cool with knowing I have feelings for his sister.

Hallie hasn’t seemed too pressed about it, but she’s made a few comments here and there about wishing she could hold my hand while at school or rest her head on my shoulder during lunch. Things we only do in the privacy of my truck when I’m driving her home after my games, or when we’re alone on the roof.

But honestly, it’s not like we’ve gone much further than that. Part of me is wanting to wait, to attempt to put my feelings on hold. Luke will be off at college in just over a year and maybe he’d care a whole lot less by then. But that means I’ll be gone too, and there hasn’t been a day that’s passed that I haven’t at least thought about kissing her.

I move slowly, I guess. And though I’m a year older than her, I’m equally as inexperienced. Sometimes I wonder if she’s going to get over it. Over me. It’s not like she can tell people that she’s my girlfriend. Hell, I don’t even know if she is my girlfriend. Is she going to get tired of waiting for me to make a move and decide she’d rather be out in the open with someone else?

Fuck, I’ve been so in my head lately, but her sixteenth birthday party isn’t the place for me to be figuring it all out.

She looks so cute tonight, in her knit sweater and short skirt. Ten nails all painted in different colors. Long hair, sparkly hazel eyes, and a smile that lights me up whenever I see it.

Hallie is hugging her friend and saying thank you for a gift when she catches me staring at her from across the room.

She discreetly shoots me a little wink and though I know that’s all I’ll get of her today, I happily take it.

Though we always meet on the roof for her birthday, this year is going to be different. She’s going to be so busy being the center of attention at her sweet sixteen all night that we’re going to have to meet another time.

The living room is crowded with our friends, a mix of people from her sophomore class and my junior. It makes it easy stealing moments with her while at school because our friend group is big and we’re always together.

Luke comes back holding up a broken lamp. “At least it was from my room,” he says, throwing it in the trash and joining me to watch as Hallie opens all her presents. She gets a bunch of art supplies and some makeup. A few CDs which I know she’s stoked about because they’re becoming increasingly difficult to find.

She’s almost done opening all her gifts when the front door opens and a group of guys from the senior class walk in.

I recognize them immediately. They’re mostly football players—one is from the basketball team, and almost all of them are carrying a case or two of beer as they join the party.

The last person through the door is probably the most popular guy at our school—Grant Newcastle. He’s the captain of the football team, senior class president, and I fucking hate him.

He and Hallie are both in the student council, and ever since they planned the winter dance together, he’s been all over her.

“What the hell is he doing here?” I ask Luke, my tone sharp.

He looks at me suspiciously. “What happened to ‘why are you being weird’ and ‘we’re all friends?’”

“We’re not friends with that guy.”

Though, I do think Luke might give up a kidney if he could be.

“He asked Hallie to prom yesterday and she felt bad for saying no, so she invited him to her birthday party, I guess.”

I swear my eyes almost explode out of my head. “Excuse me, what?”

“Not sure why you’re yelling at me or what you’re confused about.”

I fully turn, facing him, but he’s still got his attention on the newcomers. “He asked your sister to prom?”

“Yeah.”

“And she said no?”

“Yep.”

“Because you told her to say no or because she didn’t want to go with him?”

Luke shrugs casually, and how he can be so casual about this, I have no fucking clue. “Probably because she assumed I wouldn’t be okay with it and said no before I could. I don’t know for sure.”

“But... are you saying you’d be okay with it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

What the actual fuck?

“I mean, it’s Grant Newcastle,” he continues. “Who wouldn’t want to go to the senior prom with the guy? Hell, even I’d say yes if he asked me. I told her she should tell him she changed her mind, but she didn’t want to.”

Grant scans the room and when he spots my girl, he instantly starts in her direction, a cocky smile plastered on his lips. He taps on her shoulder, and when he gets her attention, she grins that gorgeous smile, but I can’t tell if that’s a typical Hallie smile because she’s nice to everyone or if that one is reserved specifically for him.

Then he wraps her in a hug and holds on for way longer than he needs to.

I feel like I could throw up. Grant fucking Newcastle. How the hell am I supposed to compete with him? And why wouldn’t she go for him? The guy is going to Boston College on a full ride next year to play football. He’s got a perfect GPA. She wouldn’t have to hide him from her brother, and he’s staying close to town. Fucking great.

“Where’s the hard stuff?” one of the seniors asks, the same one holding two cases of beer.

No one responds because there isn’t any.

“Hart,” Grant calls out to Luke.

Leaning on the wall next to me, Luke stands up straighter like a puppy who’s finally about to get some attention.

“Do your parents have a liquor cabinet?”

“Oh, we aren’t drinking,” Hallie tells him.

Grant’s smile turns mischievous. “Have a little fun, Hallie. It’s your birthday, after all. I need to take you to one of our senior parties soon. It’s a little more... lively than this.”

There’s a collective laugh among the crowd, and people are hanging on every word that comes out of this guy’s mouth like he’s a fucking god. But he’s not. He’s just a douchebag who’s genetically blessed.

Hallie eventually joins in and laughs too, but it’s fake and forced and her smile is flat on her lips. She’s embarrassed.

“We’re not drinking, Grant,” I say confidently. “We’re having a good time without it.”

“Or we could,” Luke pipes up at my side. “I know where my parents keep it.”

“Hell yeah, Hart!” Grant cheers, and for some reason his enthusiasm resounds around the entire room, and suddenly everyone is completely on board to start drinking.

I jog after Luke to stop him. “What are you doing?”

“Getting some alcohol. It’s not a big deal, Rio. Grant’s group is cool, and they want to kick it with us. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you’re being actively recruited, and I just signed my letter of intent to play for Michigan. If we get caught underage drinking, our scholarships are fucked.”

Luke rolls his eyes, grabbing two bottles of clear liquor out of the back of a cabinet. “We’re not going to get caught. We just need to keep quiet because our parents are right next door at your house.”

When I follow him back to the dining room, Solo cups are being set out on the table and beer is being poured into them.

“Hallie, you’re on my team,” Grant says.

“Oh, no. That’s okay. I’m not going to drink.”

“I’ll drink your share,” Luke offers.

“Perfect. Thanks, Hart.” Grant slings an arm over Hallie’s shoulders. “It’s settled then. You’re on my team, birthday girl.”

Her eyes dart to me for a moment, but it happens so quickly, I can’t tell if she wants to play and she’s apologizing to me, or if she wants an out. And soon enough the entire party migrates to the dining room to watch whatever drinking game is about to go down.

Someone turns on a speaker and the music starts bumping as the game begins. Hallie and Grant don’t have much to drink because, annoyingly enough, they make a good team. But whatever alcohol his sister is supposed to drink, Luke does it for her.

They keep playing round after round because they can’t lose. Luke stays close to Hallie, but that’s mostly because Grant is close to her and my buddy is clearly obsessed with the guy.

Which only makes me feel like shit. Luke would be cool with Hallie dating him, and I’m over here too scared to tell him about my feelings in fear he’d end our friendship over it.

But she’s genuinely having a good time, laughing and dancing to the music with all her friends, with the most popular guy in school giving her all his attention.

I’m glad she’s having fun. I am. I just wish that guy next to her was me.

Music is blasting through my headphones as I lie in my bed with my eyes closed, trying my hardest to find sleep. The headphones aren’t comfortable by any means, but I needed to drown out Hallie’s and my parents’ laughter filtering in my room from downstairs, and the music coming from her house.

I actively focus on shutting off my brain because that’s the only way I’m successful at falling asleep. That, or I work my body so hard at practice or the gym that I’m too tired to stay awake. Or alternatively, I crash in Hallie’s room.

With the last two options off the table for tonight, I concentrate on the first. But it feels hopeless knowing she’s next door with someone else.

A familiar song starts playing from my iPod that’s sitting on my nightstand, and I hope that’s enough to lull me to sleep, but then the beat is interrupted by an unfamiliar tap, tap, tap . It’s strange and off tempo, and it happens again, this time in a different part of the chorus.

Tap, tap, tap.

Tap, tap, tap.

Only then do I realize it’s not my music at all.

Opening my eyes, I see Hallie on the other side of my bedroom window, knocking on the glass.

What the hell?

I throw my headphones and blankets off with urgency, jogging to the window and cracking it open.

“What are you doing?”

Her lower lip is shivering from the cold and her nose is pink. “Are you not coming?”

I push the window open fully, reach out, and wrap my arms around her middle to pull her into my room. She’s absolutely freezing. I’m not wearing a shirt, only a pair of sweatpants, so I can feel how cold her skin is against mine.

“How long have you been out there, Hal?” Setting her on her feet, I grab a blanket from my bed to wrap it around her.

“Maybe twenty minutes.” Her hazel eyes are so fucking sad. “Did you forget?”

“Of course not.” I push her hair away from her face. “I’d never forget, but you were busy. Shouldn’t you still be at your birthday party?”

“I left because you left, and I wanted to see you. I thought you were headed to the roof. That’s my favorite part of today.”

God, I suck.

I left because I was too busy to enjoy her birthday, occupied instead with having myself a pity party.

Picking her up, still wrapped in that blanket, I carry her to my bed and set her on my lap while I sit on my mattress.

“It’s my favorite part too, Hallie. I’m sorry. I didn’t think you were planning to meet me out there tonight with your party still happening.”

“But we always meet. It’s like our unspoken thing.”

My forehead falls to her shoulder. “We could go out there now, if you’d like.”

She shakes her head, slipping her arms out from under the blanket to touch my bare stomach. Her fingers feel like icicles, but her body starts to relax, and the shivering begins to subside when my body heat begins to warm her up.

She looks up at me, keeping herself close. Her mouth is right there. Her eyes fall to my lips, but because I’m such a fucking coward, I still don’t lean in and kiss her.

Hallie sighs but tries to cover it by saying, “I have something for you.” She grabs the CD case that’s resting on her lap. “Year sixteen.”

“I do love getting presents on your birthday.”

She laughs to herself when she hands it over.

Another to add to my collection. Over the clear plastic case, I run my thumb over the “H,” the heart, and the number sixteen. Then I use my index finger to cover the tail she always adds to her hand-drawn hearts.

Her head falls to my shoulder as I hold her.

“Are we going to listen to it together?” I ask quietly.

“Of course we are.”

“Good.” I place a soft kiss on her forehead. “Happy birthday, Hal.”

We sit there for a while, her warming up and me holding her on my lap. She plays with the old friendship bracelet on my wrist while I work up the courage to say, “I didn’t know Grant asked you to go to senior prom.”

“It just happened yesterday, and there wasn’t much to tell you about. Obviously, I said no.”

“You didn’t want to go?”

She bursts a laugh. “Rio, I’m your girlfriend. Why would I go to prom with someone else?”

Wait... what?

When I don’t say anything, she lifts her head to look at me.

“Oh my God,” she breathes, jumping off my lap, letting the blanket fall to the floor as she does. “Oh my God! Am I not? I thought it was another one of those unspoken things.”

Both her hands fly to her mouth to cover it, but I can see the panic so clearly in her eyes.

“Hallie,” I soothe, circling her forearms to pull her hands away. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be, but yeah. Yes. Please. I want you to be my girlfriend. You have no idea how badly I want you to be my girlfriend.”

She closes her eyes. “Why did I do that? I should’ve let you ask me instead of assuming that’s what we were.”

I pull her to stand between my open legs as I sit on my bed. “Well, we both know I move slow and sometimes need a little push, so this is a good thing.”

She chuckles, a little defeated as her hands play with the hair at my temples. “You’re perfect the way you are. I don’t mind moving slow with you.”

I want to kiss her. God, do I want to kiss her. I’ve never wanted anything more, but what if I’m bad at it? What if I fuck up and hit her teeth or something? What if I ruin her first kiss? She’d never be able to get a do-over.

While I’m reeling and nervous and entirely in my head, Hallie leans forward and presses her lips to mine.

Well, sort of. She kind of misses and barely connects with the corner of my mouth, but it’s enough to tell me she wants this too.

Standing straight again, she swallows hard. “Just in case you need a little push with that too. This sixteen and never been kissed thing is feeling a little cliché.”

My heart is racing. My skin is on fire. But also, I couldn’t be more relieved.

Fuck it. I can do this.

“Put a song on,” I tell her, nodding to my nightstand where both my boombox and iPod sit. I wait for her to do so, running the palms of my hands along the backs of her thighs, keeping her standing between my legs.

If I’m not listening to Hallie’s yearly playlists, I typically use my iPod and headphones to listen to music. But Hallie doesn’t reach for that. Instead, she flips through my old CD case quickly before picking one and skipping to the track she wants.

“Why do I need to pick a song?” she asks.

It starts playing through the boombox speakers and I can’t help but laugh at the lack of subtlety in her song choice.

“Because I’m going to kiss you and when we listen to next year’s playlist, I want this song to be on there so we can rewind it back however many times we want to and remember this.”

Her smile blooms, and her arms wrap around my neck. “I was hoping you were going to say that.”

I slip my hand into her long hair, pull her down to meet me, and press my own smiling lips to hers.

It’s messy and mistimed, and yeah, I think I hit her teeth at one point, but it’s also so fucking perfect. And eventually, with a little practice, we figure it out together.