Page 26

Rio

The rideshare drops me and Zanders off in front of my family home.

My mom’s home.

The house I grew up in. Fuck, I don’t even know what to call it anymore.

Regardless, as soon as the car drives away, my attention immediately drifts to the house next door. Hallie’s house. Hallie’s bedroom window. The roof where we spent years falling in love with each other.

Zee zips his coat for the short walk up to the front walkway. “Hallie lived there?” He nods towards the house next to mine.

“Yeah, she moved in when she was eleven and I was twelve.”

“Is her family still there?”

“No, they moved out of the area sometime during my rookie year in the league.”

Zee is quiet for a moment and stops before we reach the front door, clearly understanding that the Hallie talk needs to be put on hold as soon as we go inside.

“Why didn’t you ever tell us about her? We’ve been friends for so long now, and this whole time, we all thought you had never been in a relationship before.”

I groan. “It’s complex, and kind of messy. And well, the entire time I’ve known you, I’ve tried my hardest to forget Hallie existed, so there’s that.”

A cheeky smile spreads across his lips. “I always wondered what you’d be like in a relationship. I thought you’d be a fucking idiot, not knowing which way was up. Like a too excitable puppy, but you seem... grounded.”

I laugh at his analogy. “Well, my mind doesn’t like to shut the fuck up most of the time, so yeah. I’ve got a lot of energy, but I don’t know. It’s always been quiet around Hal. But also, for clarification, I’m not in a relationship. She’s not interested in going there right now.”

He waves me off. “Give it time.”

“Yeah, it’s a little more complicated than that.”

The front door swings open, ending our conversation. “There’s my boy!” my mom bellows, arms open wide and charging to wrap them around... Zanders.

I’m left with a gaping mouth, watching her give all her attention to my teammate and not her only child. “Wow. Okay.”

“I’m giving you shit.” She lets go of him and hugs me instead. “I’m happy you’re home.”

“Me too, Ma.” I hug her tight. “I missed you.”

She’s a small woman, but you wouldn’t know it by her big personality or her boisterous voice. She’s strong and resilient, and though she feels fragile in my hold, she’s not. Which is why the only time in my whole life that I did see her fragile and broken is ingrained in my memory like a bad dream. And I know I’d do anything to keep her from feeling that way again.

“Come on, you two.” She gestures us into the house. “I made an early lunch.”

My phone vibrates in my coat pocket, and I stay back on the front step to pull it out while Zee follows my mom into the house.

I discreetly check it to find my dad’s name scrolling across the top of the screen. It’s the second time he’s called today and the fourth time he’s called this week. I haven’t answered a single one, and I had planned to keep ignoring them forever.

I’ve been upset with him for a long time, but I don’t think it settled in just how angry I’ve been until recently. Until I realized everything I gave up after his fucked-up choices.

I don’t want to talk to him, but I also don’t want him to keep calling while I’m with my mom either.

“I’ll be right in,” I tell them. “I got to take this call quickly.”

My mom checks on me over her shoulder but doesn’t push. “Okay. Lunch is warm, so try to make it quick.”

“It will be.”

I wait until the door is closed before I answer the phone.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, son. How are you?”

I walk away from the house, trying to create distance so no one else will be able to overhear. “I’m fine. What’s up?”

He chuckles. “I’m good too. Thank you for asking.”

I roll my eyes.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all week. I was hoping to see you while you’re in town.”

No chance of that happening.

My dad still lives in Boston, though he no longer lives in this house. But his side of the family has lived in the area for generations. He met my mom at twelve years old because they were in the same class in school, and I hate the idea that she could casually run into him around town at any given moment.

“I can’t,” I say with finality. “I’m only here for the day and I’m visiting with my mom.”

“All right. That’s no problem. I’m coming to your game tonight, so I’m hoping to see you after.”

Wait... what?

“Don’t piss me off right now, Dad. My mom is coming to the game tonight.”

“Rio, the arena is plenty big for both of us. I haven’t seen you in almost a year. You didn’t visit me once while you were home this summer. I have the right to watch my son’s game.”

“The right?” I ask in disbelief, the anger building quickly. “You don’t have a right to anything when it comes to me.”

“I’m your father. That means something, you know. When are you going to get over this? All I want is for us to get back to how we used to be.”

How fucking dare he.

“When am I going to get over it?” I repeat, almost yelling into the phone.

“That’s what I said.”

“You cheated on my mother! I’m not going to get over it, Dad.”

The line is silent for quite some time. My chest is heaving with anger, and I could happily hang up the phone right now and call this conversation done. But now I’m pissed, and I want to take it out on him.

“Rio—”

“You ruined our family, and now she’s alone.”

“I know. I know I made a mistake. But it’s been years .”

“A mistake? You made a conscious choice. And now, because of your decisions, I might have to leave all my friends, my teammates, and my home so that I can move back to Boston because she’s alone. That was your responsibility, and you didn’t do it. So, excuse me for not being able to get over it.”

He’s quiet again. I’ve never said any of this to him. I’ve simply given him the cold shoulder for years, but now that I recognize his decisions are affecting my life, I’m ready to let him know.

My eyes drift over to Hallie’s old house, up to her bedroom window, and I realize that his decisions have been affecting me for a lot longer than I initially recognized.

I shake my head. “Fuck you.”

“Rio DeLuca.”

“No, fuck you, Dad. You have no idea how much your choices fucked me up.”

“I realize that, but—”

“No, you don’t!” I’m yelling again. “Because I didn’t even realize until recently. I spent twenty-one years of my life chasing what you and Mom had, because I thought that’s what love, or soulmates, or whatever the fuck I thought you had, looked like. But when I found out that you were full of shit, I spent the last six years trying to find the opposite. Trying to find anyone that could prove to me that love existed because you single-handedly convinced me that it didn’t.”

I feel sick. Sick of him. Sick that I let his choices dictate my own. I was twenty-one years old, and he caused most of my world to fall apart, while I finished demolishing the rest. I ran away from it all and tried to pretend none of it ever happened. I swept it under the rug and tucked it away, only revisiting my issues when I revisited this neighborhood. Chicago was my clean slate.

“How could you do that to her?”

My words are quiet and though I’m asking him the question, it feels like I’m asking myself the same thing.

How could I leave Hallie behind like that? It wasn’t her fault that my dad blew up my family. It wasn’t her fault that his decisions had me questioning everything . What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Rio, this is good. It’s good to hear you say these things. You’ve never told me how you felt. This is good to know so we can move forward.”

I scoff, tired of even talking to him. “You’re the last person I want to move forward with. I’m not telling you this for your benefit. I’m getting this off my chest for me.”

“Son, if I could go back in time, I would.”

“Well, you can’t.” I swallow hard. “And neither can I. You were supposed to teach me how to be a man, Dad, and I truly hate the things I learned from you.”

Before he can respond, I hang up the phone.

Fuck that. Fuck him.

Fuck me for being so emotionally wrung out at the time that I couldn’t see straight. That I couldn’t see who was truly at fault.

The front door of Hallie’s old house opens, and I swear I could throw up, that’s how sick I feel. I haven’t met the couple who moved in next to my mom, but still they offer me a polite wave as they take off on a walk, bundled up in their winter gear.

It’s wild to think they probably have no idea about the girl who grew up in that house. They have no idea I snuck through their upstairs window more times than I can count, or that their roof might be indented from how often we laid on it together.

And I threw it all away because I couldn’t see past my own hurt. Past my mom’s hurt.

I need to talk to Hallie. I have in no way apologized enough to her, and being back here only serves as a reminder that I’m the one who fucked up all those years ago. Not her.

She must have been so scared and I took it out on her.

On my phone, I find her number and call. It rings long enough that eventually, I’m pushed through to voicemail. I know she’s probably at the design firm, but I just need to talk to her.

I shoot her a follow-up text, asking her to call me when she can, before I gather myself and go inside.

Zee and my mom are sitting at the dining room table together, laughing about something, when I close the front door behind me.

Smiling, she looks over at me. “Honey, are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I shake my head, trying to shake it off. “Yeah, of course. What’s for lunch?”

“Let me make you a plate.” She’s up and out of her seat before I can tell her not to get up.

This is her love language, though. Feeding the people she loves. Having them in her home.

I follow her to the kitchen, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug. “I love you. You know that, right?”

She chuckles, patting my back. “I love you too, Tesoro . Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m good.”

When I take a seat at the table, I can feel Zee watching me, but I don’t look in his direction. He clearly knows something is off, but I’m not going to get into it or talk about my dad while my mom is around.

I check my phone, finding no response from Hallie, when my mom sets a loaded plate down in front of me and then one in front of Zanders.

“Thank you, Ma. This looks great.”

She takes a seat and the three of us eat together. She catches me up on all the neighborhood news, Zee tells her all about the new things his daughter is learning, and I sit and listen, checking my phone every few minutes.

“Big night tonight,” my mom says. “Are you excited?”

I nod. “Uh-huh.”

“Everyone is coming. Your uncle Mikey is dropping by the house soon. He’s coming to the game too. The whole neighborhood has been talking about this for weeks. Imagine what it’s going to be like when you’re playing here. Hometown boy—”

“Ma.” My tone is sharp, cutting her off.

Her attention flicks between Zee and me when she realizes. “Oh.”

The house is silent, no one knowing how to shift the conversation with this giant elephant sitting in the room.

“I figured as much,” Zee eventually admits. “You didn’t sign your early extension, and there’s no reason for you not to unless you’re planning to leave.”

He offers me a placating smile before refocusing on eating the food on his plate. But he’s so clearly bummed from the confirmation that his suspicions were right. Our previous captain, Maddison, is one of Zee’s best friends and he retired last season. And while yes, they’re still extremely close, he doesn’t have him on the ice every day the way he once did. And now, I might potentially leave too. We’ve played practically every shift together since I’ve been in the NHL. He was like a big brother when I first came into the league, and now he’s one of my very best friends.

“Does, um...” I rub the back of my neck. “Does everyone know?”

“The team or the crew?”

“The crew.”

He nods, shifting his food around his plate. “Everyone put the pieces together when you didn’t sign last season. Indy is freaking out a little bit, if I’m being honest, but she’s trying not to ask you about it. And don’t get me wrong, we all understand. It’s your childhood dream. Who doesn’t want to play for their hometown team, you know? We’re all going to be stoked for you when it happens, so don’t worry about that.”

“Rio, I’m sorry,” my mom cuts in. “I figured you would have talked to your friends about it already.”

“It’s all right.” I check my phone again. “Sorry. I’ll be right back. I need to make a quick call.”

Before I’m even out of the kitchen, I dial Hallie.

She doesn’t answer, but this time when I’m sent to voicemail, I don’t hang up.

“Hey,” I say quietly into the phone so no one else can hear me. “Just checking in.” I pause, closing my eyes. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I um... I talked to my dad, and I wanted to tell you about it. I know I haven’t talked about my family with you, but I want to. And honestly, my head is all over the place and you’ve always been the best at making it quiet down.” I’m about to end the call there, but don’t, continuing to say what I would’ve said if she answered. “I realized some things and I don’t blame you, Hal. I don’t blame you for not wanting to jump back into things with me now, and I don’t blame you for not telling me the truth all those years ago. And I’m sorry that I did blame you for so long. It’s strange being back here without you, and I’d really love to talk to you about it, so give me a call when you can. Okay?”

I end the call and go back to our text thread to find my message from earlier is still unanswered.

I find Wren’s contact instead.

Me: Hey, have you heard from Hallie lately? I’ve been trying to get a hold of her, and I know she’s at the firm, but she usually responds by now. If you hear from her, can you tell her to call me?

I don’t wait for Wren’s response before I rejoin my mom and Zee, leaving my phone on the table this time.

“Rio, I’m sorry,” my mom says again.

“Don’t be. I should’ve told everyone a while ago.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Big game tonight. Just got some nerves, that’s all.”

She rubs a soothing hand on my arm. “You’ll be great. Don’t worry.”

I continue to eat, but glance at my phone again, finding nothing from Hallie or Wren.

My mom gestures to it with her fork. “Who are you waiting to hear from?”

Nobody is the answer that’s on the tip of my tongue. I’m about to say it before I stop and decide I don’t want to lie anymore.

Turning in my seat, I give my mom my full attention. “Hallie.”

Her smile slowly drops. “Which Hallie?”

“You know which Hallie, Ma.”

Her entire body stiffens, and I can visibly see every part of her go on high alert. “Why would you be speaking to her?”

Zanders stands from the table. “I’m going to give you some privacy,” he says before leaving us alone.

“Rio,” she pushes.

“Because Hallie lives in Chicago now.”

Her eyes go impossibly wide.

“She moved in next door to me, and I hired her to work on my house. She’s the one heading up the renovation on my place.”

“Rio, please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

Her voice rises. “How could you do that to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you.” I keep my voice steady. “And Hallie didn’t do anything to you either.”

“She didn’t tell me! She was practically my daughter, and she knew that your father was having an affair, and she didn’t tell me. How can you even look at her now?”

“She was nineteen years old and was probably scared out of her mind. Not that I know for sure because I never gave her a chance to explain herself. She knew something that was going to break our family apart. Something that was going to break your heart and something that was going to break mine. She’s not the one who ruined our family. Dad did that all on his own.”

My mom is shaking her head so quickly, as if she were trying to erase this entire conversation. “She played her part.”

“Ma,” I say softly. “It’s Hallie.”

I can see the fight or flight in her eyes. The panic and the trauma. Yes, Hallie played a part in the most traumatic day of my mom’s life. Probably the most traumatic of mine too, but for the first time in six years, I’m thinking clearly. I’m not blinded by anger or fear for my mom. Her emotions aren’t guiding my decisions this time around.

She watches me for a long time, studying, and I see the moment realization dawns on her. “You still have feelings for her, don’t you?”

I exhale a long breath. “Never stopped.”

“Rio, don’t go there. You’re going to get hurt. You two were kids. Childhood love doesn’t work out the way you want it to. It’s an idealistic fantasy. When you meet that young, you grow up and grow apart. Look at what happened to your dad and me.”

“But we’re not you!”

Her eyes widen and her lips flatten to a straight line because I have never, not once, raised my voice at my mother the way I just did.

“We’re not you, Ma,” I say, more even-toned. “And our relationship is not the one you had with my dad. I thought it was. I wanted it to be. I tried to shape everything off what you two showed me, and when you two fell apart, so did I. And I made a huge mistake because of it. You were hurting and that scared me, and I took it out on Hallie. But I’m not going to do that anymore. As much as you want me to, I’m not going to keep blaming her.”

My phone rings on the table, and when I look down, I find Wren calling me. Which is strange, because she typically would’ve just texted back. In fact, I don’t think we’ve ever talked on the phone before.

“Wren?” I ask as soon as I answer.

“Hey, sorry. I just saw your text.”

Every one of my senses goes on high alert. She would’ve just texted back if she didn’t have something to tell me. “What’s wrong?”

Wren hesitates. “Hallie didn’t want me to tell you because of your game, but I think you’d want to know. Her dad was taken to the hospital back in Minnesota. I don’t know many details other than she seemed scared. She’s on her way now. She started driving about an hour ago. I just thought you should know.”