Page 21

Hallie

The time glaring back at me from the alarm clock on the nightstand reads 1:48 in the morning.

There’s absolutely no reason for me to be awake. I didn’t have to work a late shift, my travel day was easy, and this hotel bed is one of the most comfortable I’ve ever laid on.

The only reason I can assume that I’m still awake is the man down the hall I can’t stop thinking about.

Is he asleep? Maybe. Did his inability to sleep rub off on me? Possibly.

I want to call him. This is my turn after all, to do the things I want to do. But this also feels reckless, when I should be protecting myself.

Screw it. Neither of us was all that eager to say goodbye earlier when I left his room, so I grab the landline off the nightstand and dial his number. Well, his room number.

He answers on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Are you asleep?”

“Well, if I was, I sure as hell wouldn’t still be after this phone just started blaring next to my bed.”

I chuckle under my breath. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. Why are you awake?”

“I don’t know.”

He doesn’t say anything, waiting for me to elaborate.

“Would you...” I stumble. “Would you maybe want to come to my room and sleep here?”

“Yeah,” he exhales quickly. “Yeah, I would. I’ll be right there.”

There’s a moment, right after I throw the comforter off, that I slightly panic. My room is a mess. Clothes are everywhere. I purposefully packed my least sexy sleepwear to keep myself from doing exactly what I just did, so I am by no means prepared to have a man sleep in my bed.

There’s a part of me that wants to clean up my room, to shove everything in my suitcase, to jump in the shower and see if I can find something cuter to sleep in, but then I remember this is Rio that’s coming over and every muscle in me begins to relax.

His knock is quiet, just a rap of his knuckles. I open the door, the light from the hallway illuminating the room with just enough for him to see where he’s going before he closes the door behind him, blanketing us in darkness once again.

He’s standing close by, I can feel him, and once my eyes adjust again, I can see him reach out, fingers toying with the hem of my sleep shorts. Once he finds me, he trails that hand up my side, along my ribs, until he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his chest for a hug.

“Hi, Hal,” he whispers softly, before placing a kiss on the top of my head and leaving his lips to linger there. “Thanks for letting me get some sleep.”

He says it as if I was dead asleep and woke up only long enough to realize that he was probably still awake. As if I took pity on him by allowing him to come get rest, when in reality, I was tossing and turning thinking of him.

“Am I taking the floor?” There’s an edge of humor in his tone, but knowing him, if I told him yes, he’d happily create a makeshift bed on the floor.

“I’m pretty sure you stopped taking the floor when you were about seventeen.”

He laughs lightly, and the sound vibrates through every inch of my body. Warm and comforting and familiar.

Letting me go, he takes the side of the bed that’s unused, and while still wearing his hoodie from earlier, I slip back under the covers with him.

My knee knocks his and his foot brushes mine as we try to get comfortable. I scoot back to create a bit of distance, keeping myself entirely on my side of the bed. Lying on my back, I cross my hands over my middle, not allowing any part of me to touch any part of him.

I shouldn’t let any part of me want him here either, yet I do.

I really do.

“Since when do you sleep like that?”

Turning to look at him, I find he’s lying on his side, facing me, stupid knowing smirk on his lips.

“Since when do you sleep in a shirt?” I say in retort.

“Well, I didn’t think we were having that kind of sleepover.”

“We’re not.”

“And that’s why I’m still dressed, love. There’s not a world in which I get in a bed with you, even partially clothed, and all we do is sleep.”

I swallow hard. “Well, maybe that’s why I’m sleeping like this. Keeping a safe distance.”

“I’m not going to bite, Hal. Well, unless you ask me to.”

I reach out to smack his stomach with the back of my hand, but he catches my wrist before I can make contact.

“Come here,” he whispers, pulling me into him.

I find myself going willingly, rolling towards the center of the bed to face him.

“I want to kiss you again,” he says softly.

I slightly shake my head, but there’s not much authority behind it.

He wets his lips. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” I say quickly. “But you can’t kiss me because I want you to, and that seems dangerous.”

His hand runs down my rib cage, his fingertips drawing circles along my hip bone. “Wanting this again seems dangerous?”

I nod. “Most of what got me through the past six years was the belief that you were terrible, and I was better off without you. It’s been quite terrifying to realize... well, to remember, that you aren’t terrible at all.”

He pushes my hair behind my ear, cradling my cheek and running the pad of his thumb over the bone there. “Hallie, I—”

“You left and forgot all about me, Rio. Yes, this feels good again. It feels frustratingly right. There’s clearly something still here, but I can’t get past the fact that you forgot I even existed.”

I’m hit with a pang of guilt as soon as the words are out of my mouth because he came over to get some sleep, not to argue with me.

He scoffs but it’s pained, like he’s just trying to find enough oxygen to breathe after that hit. “God, Hallie.” His fingers tighten in my hair. “You have no idea how untrue that is. I wanted to. I tried so fucking hard to forget about you, and I couldn’t. I know that me simply saying that doesn’t mean shit right now, but soon enough, I think you’ll realize just how hard I’ve been holding on to you all these years later, even when I tried to let you go.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

His eyes bounce between mine, begging me to. “Give me some time to get my bearings here, and I’ll show you.”

Silence lingers for a long while, but I feel my body move towards him, while he does the same, slowly inching his way towards me. His hand falls to my hip again before it glides down, skipping my ass and hitching my thigh over his waist, pulling us even closer. His calloused fingertips continue to run over my skin, as he ever so lightly traces my upper leg.

Tentatively, I reach out, toying with his shirt before I gain a little more bravery and slide my hand up his neck, running my fingers through his hair.

We must be sharing a single pillow at this point, with our noses touching and our lips dangerously close.

“Sorry,” I whisper into the space between us. “You didn’t come here to get into it with me. You just wanted some sleep.”

“I’d happily stay up all night, getting into it with you, Hallie. And we both know this conversation needs to happen. I want us to move forward.”

“And what does that mean to you? To move forward.”

I drop my hand flush to his neck and feel him swallow against my palm. “Do you remember earlier when you asked why I wanted you to come here?”

I nod.

“I didn’t give you the entire answer then. But if I were to give you the whole truth, I’d tell you that even though I may have gone six years without seeing you, the thought of going two weeks now feels impossible. And no, I don’t have the answer for why that is, but I want a chance to figure it out.”

Words stick in my throat, so he continues.

“Did you know that all my friends have gotten to have their person on the road with them at some point? Stevie used to travel with our team as a flight attendant. That’s how she and Zee met. Indy and Ryan met up when their team travel schedules overlapped. Miller spent a whole summer traveling with Kai and Max. And Kennedy, well she’s the doctor for Isaiah’s team, so they’re always together. After all this time, I just wanted my turn.”

“But I’m not your person.” My throat burns while saying it, and the words taste like a lie as soon as they’re out of my mouth.

“Yeah,” he chuckles without humor. “That’s what I spent the past six years trying to convince myself of too. But I’m tired of lying, Hallie. Aren’t you?”

“I don’t want to want you.”

“Yeah, baby.” He nudges his nose against mine. “That makes two of us.”

He doesn’t wait any longer before he leans forward and presses his mouth to mine, stealing any retort I might have.

Rio tightens my leg over his hip before gliding his palm up my thigh and over my ass again. He squeezes it at the same time he hums this satisfied growl against my lips. Then he continues on, slipping his hand under his sweatshirt I’m wearing, smoothing over my spine.

He quickly realizes I’m not wearing anything under his hoodie when he pulls his mouth away from mine.

“Fuck,” he drawls out, head tipped back, and Adam’s apple exposed. “Goddammit, Hallie.”

I chuckle, pushing my hips into his and rolling them once, but this time, it’s me who’s letting out a needy moan.

He slips his hand into my hair, cupping my face before he drops his forehead to mine. “Hal,” he exhales, already short of breath. “I want this. I want to give this another try. You and me.”

I don’t have an answer for him because it’s too soon. This is all happening too quickly, regardless of our years of history. There’s so much that he doesn’t know yet, so much of my heart that’s still broken that I can’t even think of putting myself in that position again.

But this, his body rocking against mine. I want this. I can handle this.

I kiss him again, harder and without patience, licking against his lower lip until his mouth parts and I find his tongue with my own.

Rio’s resounding growl is feral and hungry before he grabs my ass in one hand and flips us, rolling me onto my back. My legs open on instinct, and he settles his hips into the cradle of mine. His fingers slip between my own, pushing my hand into the mattress as he holds most of his weight up with his other arm.

He’s so big, so overwhelming. So much more deliciously wide than the last time he was on top of me. I lift my hips up while he grinds down and that has our mouths separating momentarily, the sensation almost blinding with how good it feels.

I throw my head back as he drops his to my chest and grinds himself on me again. His sweatpants slide against the seam of my shorts, causing this insane friction against my clit. It’s maddening, like it’s not quite enough, yet it’s more than I’ve had in such a long time.

“Yes,” I hiss. “More. Please.”

The desperate, needy sound that works its way up my throat is mirrored with Rio’s own noises. And he’s hard. God, he’s so fucking hard right now. I can feel every inch of him.

It’s been so long, this should almost feel foreign, yet my body moves, remembering exactly what to do.

Hooking my leg over his, I urge him to do it again.

Rio pushes my knee up to the mattress, grinding himself over me, the sound of our building breaths mingling in the otherwise silent room. He moves from my mouth to my neck, working a warm path down my throat.

I run my hands through his hair, holding on to him as he kisses and nips.

“I missed you,” I admit in a breathy whisper, close to his ear.

He drops his head to my chest, pausing his movements before he cups my face and leans up to kiss me again. Slowly. Deeply. Desperately.

“Say it again,” he pleads.

My lips turn up in a smile against his. “I missed you.”

He hums at the admission while I find the hem of his shirt, slipping a hand underneath. My palm connects with the hard planes of his stomach, my fingers graze the hair on his chest as I push his shirt up. Because I want it off. I want it all off.

“Wait,” he breathes, chest moving rapidly against mine as he settles his hand on my wrist to stop me. “Wait, baby.”

His eyes flick up to mine, this pleading, desperate expression on his face.

“Do you think that... I mean, could you ever see yourself giving us another shot?” he asks. “Without your brother around to hide it from, without our families in the way. Would you ever want to try again with me?”

My heart is physically cracking at his sweet words, at the soft way he says them.

At the knowledge that I don’t have an answer that he’ll want.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” I tell him honestly.

“Try, Hal. Please. Just tell me what you’re thinking.”

Swallowing hard, I run my hand through his hair. “We both made mistakes. I know that, but you left when I needed you to stay.”

I watch as any hope fades from his expression.

“You broke my heart, Rio, and I know I broke yours.”

“I was young, Hallie. We were young. We were fucking kids who made mistakes. I was twenty-one years old and just watched my entire life fall apart and—” He closes his eyes, trying to regain his composure. “I took it out on you.”

“I know,” I soothe, running a hand down his face. “I know. I’m just trying to be honest with you. There’s still so much you don’t know, and—”

“Tell me then.”

I smile at him weakly. I’m not ready to trust him with that part of my life yet, and I don’t know if I ever will.

He exhales a defeated sigh before gently taking my wrist and pressing a light kiss there—his silent way of accepting the state of things.

I notice he doesn’t move from between my legs, doesn’t roll over back to his side of the bed, so I lift my hips, hoping to restart what he paused.

“Rio,” I whisper. “I might not be ready for that, but we could have this.”

He laughs sardonically to himself and closes his eyes as if it causes him physical pain to say what he’s about to say. “You know I don’t work that way. I can’t do one without the other.”

Meaning he can’t do sex without the commitment.

“Still?” And yes, that’s complete and utter shock in my voice because this man has been in the NHL for years and I kind of assumed he would’ve started having casual sex along the way.

And he probably has. But I don’t qualify, because he and I have never been casual.

He smiles at my surprise. “Yeah, Hal. Still.”

Leaning down, he kisses me once more. Slowly. Tenderly. All while cautiously climbing off me to lay at my side.

He brushes my hair away from my face. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

I want to complain, to whine about him stopping things, but I can’t. Not when he gave me his boundaries while also asking me to want him again. It’s not that I don’t want him. I just don’t want to get hurt.

“Goodnight, Rio.” I lean forward and kiss his lips one last time before I turn over, finding my way back to my side.

All too soon, there’s a heavy arm wrapping around my waist, hauling me towards him until my back hits his chest.

“Are you out of your mind? Just because I need you to be mine before I fuck you doesn’t mean I don’t want to cuddle.” He tucks one arm under me, allowing me to use his bicep as a pillow, while the other one curls around my middle, his hand slipped under my sweatshirt and his palm pressed against my skin. “But I call little spoon next time.”

Chuckling, I curl myself into him.

There’s an obnoxiously big smile on my face as I close my eyes and try to find sleep. But I’m too focused on his thumb drawing languid circles on my stomach and the way his breathing seems calm and steady behind me.

“I understand why you’re hesitant or uninterested,” he whispers. “I’m not going to push you to want me. But I am going to be here, waiting, if you ever decide you want to try again. I’m not going anywhere this time.”