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twenty-one

Rory

When I went to visit Cole after getting back from Vegas, us having sex never even crossed my mind as a possibility.

And yet, it happened.

I had sex with Cole, and it was the best sex of my goddamn life.

I had no idea sex could be like that, so all-consuming. It’s never felt like that before, and I already know it’ll never feel like that again. Not with anyone else.

Cole Pierce’s dick altered my entire state of being.

That’s why, for the past several days, I’ve largely ignored the outside world.

I haven’t left my apartment, choosing instead to wallow at home with pencil to paper as I sketch out my feelings.

Even subconsciously, though, every picture turns into Cole.

He’s tried to reach out, but I haven’t had it in me to respond. What would I even say?

Thanks for the orgasms! I’m so glad we’re still friends.

Fuck being friends.

I hate being friends.

I’ve known for a while that I like him, but now I know just how much. I’m in deep—no one will ever mean to me what Cole does.

And that’s why I’m ignoring him. I have to figure out how to act normal so I don’t rip his clothes off the next time I see him.

The desire to march over to his place right now and do just that is so fucking strong. I know he’d welcome it.

His tone before I left made it clear that he wanted more. He didn’t want me to go. He wants us to explore the feelings between us.

But I can’t let him do that.

Cole is such an incredible shortstop, and he’s only getting better. He has a real shot to make it into the Hall of Fame after he retires. I can’t take that from him.

My phone vibrates, and I look down to see a text from Ella lighting up my screen.

Ella

Is everything okay, babe?

We’ve barely heard from you since we got back

Rory

Yeah

Everything is totally okay

Just been busy

Ella

With what?

Or should I say who?

Rory

No one!

Just helping my… dad… with some things

Ella

If you say so

Just don’t forget that you can talk to us, Ror

Rory

Thanks, Ell

I love you guys

Ella

We love you more

Are you going to come over tomorrow night after the guys leave?

Rory

I might

I’m going to have Sage all weekend, and my dad might need more… help

Ella

I’ll play along

If Paul doesn’t need you tomorrow night, come over

Lo and Luc are coming, too

We’re going to have a girl’s night

Bring Sage for her first one!

Rory

I’ll let you know, babe

I set my phone down and sigh. I’ve always been a terrible liar, so I know Ella isn’t buying what I’m saying.

But I really need to keep that to myself. Telling anyone means it could somehow make it back to my dad, and I can’t have that.

My phone vibrates again, and I expect another text from Ella, but my stomach drops when I see the name.

It’s Cole.

Cole

Rory, I’m sorry if we went too far

But you’ve been ignoring me for days

I can’t take the thought of you not speaking to me

I feel like shit. I’m trying to get myself together as Cole is clearly falling apart while I do so.

I can’t keep ignoring him, especially when he leaves tomorrow for Josh’s bachelor party.

Rory

It’s just been a lot to process

I’m sorry for ignoring you

Cole

I should have stopped myself

Rory

I didn’t want you to, though

I wanted it just as much as you did

Can we just try to forget it happened?

Cole

If that’s what it takes to be friends, then sure

Rory

Thank you

Cole

You know I’d do anything for you, Starlight

I’m just happy you’re talking to me

Rory

I won’t ignore you again

I’ve missed you, Sparrow

Cole

I’ve missed you, too

My head falls to the table, and I groan.

Can we try to forget it happened?

As if there’s any chance I’ll forget about that incredible night.

But I miss Cole.

I’ve just got to repress the memories until I don’t even think about them.