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fifteen

Rory

Cole almost kissed me last night.

At least, I think he did.

The sparks were fucking flying, and he looked like he was ready to lean over and kiss me.

So what did I do?

I jumped off my bed like it was on fire and watched him walk away, completely dejected.

I know why I did it. It’s the same reason I always stop when things go too far—which seems to be happening too often now—we can’t be together.

But God , I want him.

I want him so much more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.

So, what the fucking fuck do I do about this?

Lucia clears her throat, ripping me from my thoughts and reminding me that, at the present time, I’m literally on a plane as we travel to Las Vegas for Ella’s bachelorette party.

Harlow and Ella are asleep in the seats across the aisle from us while Luc and I are still awake. Me because I can’t sleep with everything running through my head. Lucia’s just a morning person.

“What’s going on, ricitos? I can practically see the gears turning in your head.”

I sigh. “Just… a lot on my mind right now.”

Lucia smiles at me softly. “Is this about Cole?”

I throw my head back and groan, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Isn’t it always about Cole?”

“Seems to be,” she laughs before turning more serious. “Did something else happen?”

“Uh…” I stammer as I try to find a way to not tell her about last night, but I come up empty. “Cole… almost kissed me.”

“He did?!” She lights up in excitement like she’s just been waiting for this to happen. Like it’s inevitable.

“I mean, I’m not totally sure,” I admit, rubbing my neck to calm my anxiety over the situation. “He seemed like he was about to lean over and kiss me last night.”

“You saw him last night?” Lucia raises her eyebrow.

“He texted me after his family had their Thanksgiving dinner and offered to come help me pack. So, he did.”

“Where in that did Cole try to kiss you?” Her tone is teasing.

“Allegedly . I’m still not sure that’s what was happening.”

“If you’re saying it was, then it definitely was.”

I groan again before I explain what happened. About how he said I’m one of his favorite people. About how the air felt different after he said it. About how he brushed his finger against my hand, and I felt my heart skip a damn beat. And then about the look in his eyes right as he made the slightest movement in my direction before I practically ran away.

I expect her to give me shit for not letting it happen. Instead, Lucia has her hand in front of her mouth, trying to hide her smile, which doesn’t work because I can still see the joy in her eyes and the raised position of her cheeks.

“What’s that look for, Luc?”

“Rory,” she says, nothing but warmth in her tone now. “I’ll tell you right now that Cole did almost kiss you. And I’ll take it a step further. If you hadn’t run away, I’m all but certain he would have kissed you.”

“You think?” I try not to sound too hopeful because even if I’m right and he did want to, we still can’t do anything about it. But a sliver of optimism comes out in my inflection, clearly signaling that I’m almost beyond caring.

Almost .

“I do think.” Lucia places her palm on my arm reassuringly. “Ella and I told you a few weeks ago that he definitely feels something for you.”

“That seems to be what Harlow thinks, too.” I play with the hem of my shirt, just like I always do when I’m uncomfortable. When I see Lucia raise her eyebrow questioningly, I say, “Yes, I told Harlow about my feelings for her brother. No, she’s not bothered by it.”

“Oh, I could’ve told you that,” she laughs. “I love both of them dearly, don’t get me wrong, but how many siblings would just be okay with that? Cole never gave her hell when the whole situation with Knox started. And now you know Harlow wouldn’t care at all if you were with her brother. The Pierce siblings are a rare breed.”

“They are.” I can’t contain my wistful sigh when I think about our situation. “Lucia, what the hell do I do?”

“Give in.” She says it like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.

“It’s not that simple. You know that.”

“I also know that after an earful from me and the rest of our friends, your dad would have no choice but to come around. If he wants you to be happy, he needs to let you be the one to decide on what it is that makes you happy.”

I mull over Lucia’s words.

On the surface, they make perfect sense. And in a perfect world, all of that could be true.

But my dad coming around to the idea of me with Cole? There’s no chance.

It won’t be because he doesn’t think Cole’s a great guy or anything—he knows he is. But he’s been in the league in some form since the late eighties, and he’s seen how the players can be.

Different girl every night. Cheating on their partner when they’re out of town. Refusing to settle down at all because of their chaotic schedule.

But even more than that? It comes from his own experiences. From what he’s told me, he and my mom were only casual because of his schedule. But then he got her pregnant.

He cared about her and wanted to be there for her and for me. So, he tried. He stayed with her and became a wonderful, doting father.

But as a partner, he fell short. He wasn’t there enough. He was always busy. And he missed being able to do whatever he wanted when he was on the road.

My mom felt neglected and eventually started to resent me because I was her only tie to him.

So, she left, and my dad didn’t chase her, which I do think was for the best—they were never in love. They were together due to an unforeseen circumstance.

In his mind, every baseball player is just like him, unable to find the right balance or desire to make a relationship work.

I know he’s wrong, but I don’t think he’ll ever shake that mindset. In his eyes, Cole would never be able to give me enough for a healthy, loving relationship.

And I know that couldn’t be further from the truth.