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I startle awake what feels like only seconds later in a cold sweat. My heart races and I struggle to catch my breath. Ledger is there, his voice a calm breeze cutting through my raging emotions.

“You were having a nightmare.” His hand strokes over my back making my skin pebble. I fist the sheets to ground myself.

Flashes of Kerolu, blood, Holt’s blank stare fill my mind. My mother’s piercing screams, my father bleeding out in front of me. I squeeze my eyes shut and reach blindly for Ledger.

He finds my hand and guides it to his chest to feel his steady heartbeat and even breathing.

“I know it is hard right now. My sister’s death, knowing how brutal and terrifying her last moment must have been is a living nightmare.

Having to relive it every night, a torment I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. ” His brow furrows.

My heart squeezes for him. I am mourning a boy I barely knew, and it is unbearable. The guilt and pain of losing a sibling and not being able to stop it must have been shattering.

“The nightmares never stop completely, but for me, they became less frequent. I used to view them as my punishment, a constant reminder of my biggest failure. I’m supposed to be able to protect the ones I love, and if I can’t do that then…

” He trails off, and I lower my head so our foreheads brush.

My hands find the back of his head, and I bury my fingers in his hair while trailing my lips over his cheek.

“Thank you,” he whispers and brings his lips to my forehead. “All she wanted was to see my father live again. He meant a great deal to her. Now that he is healed, her death doesn’t feel like it was for nothing. Your father would have been proud.”

Our lips meet, and my power tingles the skin there as it rages inside of me. I kiss him fiercely as if I have the power to heal all the atrocities he’s experienced.

His power rushes to meet mine, soothing me, consuming me until I can’t decipher where I end, and he begins. I wonder for a moment if this is normal, if everyone’s magic reacts so strongly to someone they care about.

“I want this life, Ledger,” I whisper, and he stills. “I want you; I want Archie, Mia, and Cam. I want it all so much it terrifies me.” I can’t remember a time I let myself want something or someone, and I fear it will be ripped away from me and I’ll never recover.

He draws a sharp breath. “Time has reserved a place for us, where the world doesn’t seem so against the idea of us. I’m sure of it.” My eyes well as we lay back down, and I press my back against the hard plains of his body. His arm slips around me, strong and reassuring.

The morning light rouses me from my deep slumber. I crack my eyes, turning to see Ledger slumbering next to me. His arm is banded tightly around me, and I want to nestle further into his warmth.

I stop myself from doing that, instead allowing myself another minute in his arms before untangling from him. I throw my discarded, dirty pants back on my bare legs, a reminder of how much of myself I gave last night. I feel vulnerable, laid out, and completely raw.

I don’t regret a single moment, but waking up with him and having to face how deeply I feel for this man isn’t something I am capable of doing at the moment.

I’d longed to feel this way, read about it in books, but that didn’t prepare me for how all-consuming it truly is. Feeling anything besides guilt and sadness seems almost inappropriate after the way I’d failed yesterday. I wonder absently if Holt had ever been in love.

Thinking back to how young he’d been, he’d likely never had the opportunity, and the thought makes me hate myself more .

I look around the room, drinking in my surroundings. Before I force myself to leave, I want to commit it to memory. Every picture, every decoration, every fabric, each a small tell into who Ledger is, and I want to know everything.

He rolls over in the bed, spurring my feet to the door. I give his sleeping frame one last look before slipping out. The chill of the stone floors soaks into the soles of my feet as I pad to my room. I nearly make it to the door when I run into Archie.

My heart turns over as we stop a few feet from each other. He hesitates before closing the gap between us and enveloping me in his arms. My eyes well as I squeeze him back. “I’m sorry, Arch.” It comes out as a whisper.

“Lay, don’t be sorry. Promise me you won’t blame yourself for what happened yesterday.”

“What are they going to do with his body?”

“He will have an honorable burial. What family he does have will be taken care of. He was brave, overconfident, fierce, and so fucking stubborn,” he says, and I swallow the raw noise that works its way up my throat.

“I don’t understand; why were the wolves and the Kerolu in the city?” So many questions filter through my brain.

“The King is requesting all our presence in the throne room. Why don’t we get you dressed and head there, I’m sure we will find some answers.”

Archie sits on my bed, his elbows on his knees. He runs his fingers through his blonde hair, his usual lightness missing. I toss on random clothes, stealing nervous glances at him.

I go to grab my hairbrush when I see the small, white shell the Maladra gifted me sitting on the counter. The shell must have been placed here before my clothes were laundered.

I pick it up, studying the intricate details before sliding it into my pocket. The weight of it brings me comfort. I run the brush through my hair, plopping down next to Archie and tying on my boots. We sit in silence. His fingers thread through my own, and I let my head fall to his shoulder.

We soak in what comfort we can from each other. I am utterly drained, and the dark bags under Archie’s eyes tell me he must be just as exhausted.

He rises, pulling me to the door with him. “You ready?”