Page 38

When my awareness sparks again, I’m in what I assume is Ledger’s bathroom. I stare unblinking at my bloodied hands, noticing the violent trembling.

“Is she going to be…okay?”

“Just let me get her cleaned up.” I recognize Ledger’s voice.

Archie appears in my line of vision and his hands rest on my knees. “You did good today, Lay.”

My eyes have trouble focusing on his face, and when I don’t respond, he squeezes my knees and kisses my cheek before standing.

“Are you going to be alright? Gods, why was he out there? I just never thought?—”

“Not right now.” Ledger responds and Archie leaves.

I can make out the faint sound of running water but barely feel it as my hands are placed under the flow. The water turns ruddy as gore swirls down the drain.

Ledger scrubs my hands clean, his eyes searching my face in the mirror. He sits me down and brings a cloth to my shoulder. His voice is muted as he says something I don’t comprehend.

He brings up a bottle of alcohol, and the chill of the liquid seeps into my damaged skin and down my arm. I don’t even flinch. Ledger’s eyes search my face, his own brows furrowing, reminding me I should be feeling something.

He continues working. I stare passively at the bite wounds as he dabs and places a clean bandage over them. He pauses, staring at my bandaged shoulder. His hand finds mine, squeezing gently and bringing it to his mouth, brushing my knuckles with his lips.

He leaves the room, and the sudden awareness I am alone makes my pulse accelerate. Horror and hysteria lap at my consciousness as the shock fades. My breath quickens, and my heart squeezes.

Ledger comes back in, carrying one of his clean shirts, and the look I’m wearing must give away my internal panic.

He rushes over, kneeling in front of me, his hands coming up to frame my face.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m right here, breathe.

” He strokes my cheek with his thumb, showing me more kindness than I deserve .

My eyes swell with tears, and I lean into him.

“All I hear are his strangled breaths, Ledger. I can still see the light leave his eyes and his unblinking, lifeless stare. I let him die.” I wail out the confession and my stomach bottoms out.

“He was so young; he barely had a chance to live.” The taste of salt on my lips permeates my tongue from the tears I hadn’t known were falling.

“Look at me, Layla.” It is an effort to look into Ledger’s forest-green eyes.

“You did everything you could for him. Nothing that happened was your fault.” His voice holds so much pain.

I know what today cost him, know how familiar he is with the soul-crushing feeling of loss. Whatever I’m feeling, he has to be feeling ten times over.

“You saved the lives of so many, and I can’t begin to repay you for what you gave.” His finger swipes a stray tear from my face. “Tell me how to help you.”

We stare at each other, so desperately needing to feel something before the crushing weight of the day pulls us under.

My eyes slip to his lips, lingering as I take in their fullness. My gaze drags back up his face, only to drop again.

My trembling fingers rise to trace their soft fullness. A bolt of yearning thrums through my body. A look passes his features as he stills.

He allows my silent exploration as my fingers delve into the silky, sweaty strands of his hair. He smells of salt, iron and the forest. My eyes close as my forehead lowers to his. A quivering breath leaves my mouth.

We stay like this, my heart ratcheting in my chest, until I inch my lips inch towards his.

Ledger is unmoving before me, exhaling a warm, shaky breath that skates across my face. My own breath shudders out as my bottom lip grazes his.

The air around turns thick and charged. Desire stirs deep in my belly, and I grasp at it as our mouths collide. His body is rigid, his lips supple but unmoving. I nearly weep with defeat, despair filling the pockets of my mind.

Just as I am about to pull back, he reacts, his kiss soft, slow. He handles me like I am something fragile that might fall apart at any second, maybe I will.

I drink his kiss in, needing him more than I need the breath in my lungs. The kiss is languid, the taste of him enough to bring me out of my anguish.

“Layla.” He pulls back gently, halting my advances, and a sob escapes my mouth. He pulls me to him, his arms snaking around me and pulling me into his solid chest. Another sob racks my body as my hands come around his waist.

We hold each other for a long time, taking solitude in one another. He pulls back, running his thumb over my damp cheeks. The realization that I can’t save everyone, no matter how much I may want to, settles over me.

Holt’s death would not be for nothing. I needed to remember his bravery, channel his fierce spirit. He was just a child, but fought valiantly for his city, for his people. He died an honorable death, and the Gods would bless him in the next life.

Ledger picks me up, carrying me over to his bed. He’d changed into a clean tunic and trousers. He sets me on the edge of the mattress, kneeling in front of me.

“Are you going to be alright?” He brushes some hair behind my ear. “I need to know that you are going to be okay.”

I take his face in my hands, stroking the sides of his jaw. If today had taught me anything, it was that life was short, fleeting. I knew what the following day would bring, what my future held.

I’ve denied myself so many things in this life out of fear and duty. I’ve sacrificed my freedom willingly and would continue to do so, but tonight I want something for myself. I want him. I want to feel without the limitations I’d set for myself.

It’s a selfish move, as I pull him towards me. For once I give myself fully over to my desires. Tonight, I would relinquish control, abandon my fears and lose myself in him.

I kiss him again, slowly, committing his lips to memory. Our mouths slide against each other until the ache in my throat is replaced by the ache for him, until my intent is unmistakable.

“Are you sure this is what you want? I am not an admirable man, Layla. It pained me to stop you once, I am almost powerless to do it again. ”

My throat burns. “I need you, Ledger.”

His eyes pause on my face considering my words. “I don’t want you to regret this in the morning.’’

“That isn’t possible; I could never regret you.” The words strip me bare.

Ledger swallows thickly. His eyes lower, raking down my body. I watch them darken, and it sends a zing of desire through me.

He grips his tunic, pulling it over his head and letting it fall to the ground. I run my fingers over his chest, his bared skin blazing into my palms.

“I’ve thought about this moment, about what you would look like naked, underneath me.

” He grabs the hem of my stiff shirt dragging it up my body and tugging it off.

He sucks in a breath when he sees there is nothing underneath.

“About what you would feel like.” He drags his palm over my swollen breast, and I arch into it.

“About what you would taste like.” He brings his mouth back down and my head empties of everything but the velvety sensation of his lips on mine.

He seems to know how to kiss me just how I need him to, chasing away everything but the current moment.

A hunger like I’ve never felt flares to life in my throbbing chest, and I moan.

“About what you would sound like,” he whispers, smiling against my lips. He pulls back to admire my nakedness with hooded eyes. “Gods, you’re beautiful. ”

He swallows hard, his breaths coming out in ragged pants. He sinks to his knees on the bed and his nose and mouth drag their way from my belly button to in between my breasts. My battle-stained skin prickles as his wet mouth finds my dusty-pink nipple, sucking it into his mouth.

I moan as blood courses through my veins like a raging river. He moves at a torturous pace, finding the ivory skin of my neck. His tongue darts out, licking the sensitive flesh. My head spins, and my sex throbs.

My emotions whirl and skid so intensely I can barely filter through them. His broad shoulders heave as my nails claw over his back. My fingers run over his biceps, brush his collar bones, and trail down his beautiful, spattered chest.

His hooded eyes drift shut as my hand moves down his taut stomach. His cock strains against his trousers, eliciting another thrum of want. My hand runs the length of it, and a breathy “ fuck” leaves his mouth.

I unbutton his pants and pull, and he stands to step out of them, left in nothing but his briefs. He is so gorgeous it hurts to look at him.

He moves so he’s above me, his rough, callused hands running up the sides of my waist. His touch is a welcome caress, an invisible warmth, and I crave it all the way down to my toes.

His wet mouth drags against the sensitive flesh of my neck, searing the skin. His eyes meet mine and I think of how it was easy it would be to get lost in the way he looks at me .

It’s like he can see the rawness of my soul; perhaps it matches his own. He brings his lips to mine, offering me the reprieve we both so desperately seek.

Everything about him soothes my raging emotions. His nearness is so overpowering, my heartbeat chants his name.

I grip the snaps of my own britches and slither out of them.

Ledger stills above me as his eyes rake over my exposed skin.

I’ve been naked before but never this bare.

There is nowhere to hide, he sees every bit of me, every ugly, unlovable part.

I almost expect him to pull away, but his knuckles brush over the taut skin of my stomach.

They trail back and forth over my hip bones.

His eyes find mine, and all I can see is adoration and desire, proof that he sees me, all of me, and wants me in spite of it all. His length brushes my belly as he bends down to feather his lips against mine. I lift to rub against it, yearning to feel more.