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CHAPTER TEN

Declan

“No Cash today?”

I poured a coffee refill for Janice. “Afraid not.”

“That’s too bad,” Tom said as he cut into a biscuit covered in molasses. I’d brought in breakfast from Tastes Like Grandma today. “I wanted to tell him how wonderful his suggestion was for that sunset cruise. Ellen and I had an amazing night.”

Ellen giggled, her pink cheeks telling us exactly how amazing their night had been. Of course, I’d heard in more detail than I’d like exactly how their anniversary had ended. An impressive feat, considering how thick the walls in this old house were.

Not even Cash had kept me awake so late with one of his conquests. Although, there was one night?—

No. I squashed the thought. Living through it once was quite enough.

“I’ll pass your thanks on to Cash when I see him,” I said.

Tom and Ellen were checking out later this morning, thankfully, so I could get some rest tonight.

“It’s too bad he’s not here,” Janice mused. “I was going to tell him about these cocks I saw for sale in town. Cocks! Like roosters. Get it?”

She cackled loudly, continuing to regale the other guests with the wackier things she’d found at the Outdoor Market.

Some were sexual innuendos like the “cocks.” Others were just Ozarks backwoods humor, like the toilet-turned-planter. There was actually an event in this region for racing outhouses, so nothing surprised me anymore. When she got to the needlepoint with naughty sayings like, “Kindly Fuck Off” I decided it was a good time for me to do the same.

“I’ve got to make a call. Enjoy your breakfast, and just leave your plates. I’ll clear them when I’m free.”

“Tell Cash thanks again!” Tom called.

“Will do.”

“You’re the best!”

No, Cash is the best.

The thought didn’t rankle nearly as much as it should. Maybe because I’d be leaving all this behind soon enough. I was done trying to force my bitch-face personality into a smiley-face shape.

The flutters in my gut when I heard Cash’s name had nothing to do with it.

I wasn’t lying about the phone call I had to make. I retreated to my quarters and opened my laptop. On the screen, a Zoom page labeled Amelia’s 8th Birthday! waited for me.

I clicked the button to join the video chat.

Noise immediately assailed me.

A child’s squeal. A jumble of voices. The squeaking over and over of a toy, followed by a bark.

That would be Bowser, wanting in on the action.

I smiled as I watched the chaos play out on screen for a solid two minutes before my family noticed I’d joined.

My younger sister Monroe leaned in, her face filling most of the screen. “There you are, Declan. I’m glad you could make it. Melia’s been so excited.”

Amelia squeezed in next to her mom and held up the SpongeBob Lego set—complete with a pineapple house. “I got your present! It’s so cool because I like to build stuff and I like SpongeBob!”

“That is cool,” I said with a chuckle.

Monroe grinned. “Yeah, it’s almost like Uncle Declan planned it or something.”

“I know!” Amelia said, completely missing the sarcasm. Ah, to have the innocence of youth and take everything at face value.

“How’s your birthday going?” I asked.

“Amazing! Except Jasper keeps trying to tell me how to play with my toys.” She huffed. “They’re my toys.”

Monroe tsked. “Brothers are the worst.”

“Hey now, some of us are great,” I protested.

Monroe’s husband ducked down, filling the screen with a bushy beard. My sister went for the bear type, but Will’s heart was big and generous. He’d always treated my sister and his kids like precious gems, which was good enough for me.

“Hi, Declan. Good to see you.”

“You too.”

He turned to Monroe. “We’re going to do bubbles in the backyard. Do you want to stay here and catch up with Declan?”

Monroe gave a relieved sigh. “Bless you, you wonderful man. I would love to stay here and rest—er, I mean, catch up with Declan.”

Will laughed and pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek. “Take your time.” He scooped up Amelia with one arm. “Come on, birthday girl. Let’s go play!”

Amelia squealed in delight. “Bye, Uncle Dec!”

“Happy birthday!” I called. “Have fun!”

Monroe slumped with a groan when the room quieted, the clamoring voices and squeals trailing away as the kids all went outside.

“If you ever have kids, don’t have the party at your house. Pay the exorbitant fees to hold it at an arcade or a bowling alley. It’ll be worth every penny.”

I smirked. “I take it the party is going well, then…”

“My house looks like a tornado just hit it.”

“No jokes like that allowed when you live in Tornado Alley. You’re tempting fate.”

She pulled a face. “Sorry. My house looks like a hurricane hit it.”

Little chance of a hurricane hitting Missouri. I nodded in satisfaction. “Better.”

She picked up a Diet Coke and took a swig. “We’re supposed to be catching up. Tell me something new I can tell Will later.”

“Well…” I hesitated.

She straightened, perking up like a hound who’d just caught a scent. “Oh, this must be big. What is it?”

I huffed, annoyed. How did big sisters always know?

“I’ve decided to sell the B&B.”

“I see.”

I couldn’t read her expression. Where was the shock or the horror?

“It wasn’t an easy decision to make,” I said irritably.

“I don’t imagine it would be,” she said. “You’ve spent years there, trying to prove you can be worthy of Aunt Millie’s gift.”

I tensed. “You know she wasn’t playing favorites, right? You had your flower shop already, and the kids love seeing Mom and Dad every weekend. You wouldn’t have wanted to move to the Ozarks.”

“Plus, I never lived there for a whole school year,” she pointed out.

Guilt niggled at me. “Was she playing favorites, then? Did you want to?—”

“No.” She cut me off with a laugh. “I hated it there when we visited. I couldn’t tolerate more than a week or two.”

I swallowed. “Right. That’s what I thought, but…”

“You’ve always felt a little guilty she left you the B&B,” Monroe said, because of course she’d noticed. “But there’s no need for that, Dec. I wasn’t upset. That place saved you when you needed to get away from the homophobia and bullying here.”

“Not like the Ozarks were much better,” I muttered. “But no one knew me here. I could disappear.”

She smiled sadly. “You learned to blend into the background because you had to, and sometimes I think Aunt Millie just wanted you to bloom like one of her flowers, you know? I think she thought the B&B could do that for you.”

I scoffed. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that experiment failed. I’m not good with people, Mon.”

“I know,” she said. “So, do you have a buyer lined up already?”

I thought of the investor offer I still hadn’t formally declined. “I have one possibility, but I’m still exploring my options. A, uh, friend of mine convinced me to fix the place up. Try to find a buyer who’d run the B&B the way Aunt Millie would have wanted. I found this plan she drew up for the place. Remodels, additions, expansions. It’s a little idealistic, but I thought maybe we could bring some of her dream to life…”

Monroe’s gaze softened. “That’s really sweet, Declan. Aunt Millie would understand if the B&B life wasn’t for you. She wanted you to have it, but she never stipulated in the will what you did with it.”

“I can split the proceeds with you.”

“After running that place on your own for years? Putting in all that money and time? No. The Treehouse is yours.”

There was a rap on my door, then it edged open and Cash peeked inside. “Am I interrupting?”

I checked the time on the bottom display of my screen. Sure enough, I was supposed to meet Cash for a shopping trip to get our first round of supplies. We’d decided to start with basic repairs before moving on to more ambitious remodeling projects.

“Sorry,” I said. “Just chatting with my sister.”

“Ooh, another Sullivan.” Cash let himself in and crossed the room, crouching beside my chair to grin at Monroe. “Does Declan glower at you all the time, too?”

Monroe laughed. “Oh, I’ve got a whole childhood of glowers from this one.”

I sighed. “The abuse is unending.”

“I love his glowering,” Cash said, glancing sidelong at me. “It gives him so much character. Anyone can walk around smiling like an idiot.” He pointed to his own grin. “Just look at me.”

“Oh, I’m looking,” Monroe said archly. “My brother’s even looking, and that never happens.”

My face flamed. “Monroe.”

“What? It’s true.”

“ Really ?” Cash only grinned wider. “I can work with that.”

I shook my head. “You’re undoing all my progress, Mon. I should say goodbye before you put any more ideas in his head.”

“The ideas are already there, Declan,” he said in a low voice.

He placed a hand on the back of my neck, squeezing gently, and tension bled away as if he’d injected me with a drug. What sort of magic was this?

Cash and Monroe kept up a running stream of chitchat, but I lost the ability to focus as Cash gently massaged my neck, casually touching me as if it wasn’t blowing all my circuits.

It wasn’t a sexual thing, but this gentle touch was undoing me all the same.

Just like when he’d hugged me last week, my walls dropped. I leaned in for more, craving the comfort and care and connection.

All things I told myself I didn’t need because they always came with strings. But Cash wasn’t asking for anything. He wasn’t trying to make a move on me.

The noise picked up on the video as the kids streamed back inside. Amelia and her older brother bounced into view.

“Hey, who’s that guy?” the boy asked.

Cash answered before I could. “I’m Declan’s friend, Cash. Who are you?”

“ I’m Jasper, his nephew!”

“And I’m Melia!”

Cash grinned. “Melia, the giver of the SpongeBob pajamas, am I right?”

She giggled. “How did you know?”

Cash glanced at the stuffed Sandy squirrel from the cartoon tucked under her arm. “Wild guess.”

“Wow, you’re good at guessing!”

Cash charmed my family as easily as he did the guests—and all the while, he smiled at me, touched me, made me feel like the center of his attention even as he talked to everyone but me.

When he withdrew to give me some privacy to say my goodbyes, I instantly missed his warmth.

It was the middle of an Ozarks summer. His warmth should have been stifling, and yet…

Monroe eyed me through the screen after shooing the kids off. “You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”

“A boyfr— No, absolutely not,” I said. “He’s just a friend. A casual acquaintance, really. He’s going to work on the B&B with me, that’s all. He’s a contract worker. I’m going to pay him. Not to date me.”

“You’re going to pay him not to date you?” she teased. “Well, that’s one way to keep a man at arm’s length.”

I glared. “That’s not how I meant it.”

“Declan,” she said, voice soft. “You just gave me a whole lot of words to explain away Cash’s importance.”

I winced. “Well, I didn’t mean he wasn’t important.”

“Because he obviously is,” Monroe said. “The way he looks at you…”

“I know.” I pressed my lips together, hope and fear warring inside me. “You know I don’t have any luck with that stuff.”

“That stuff being love?”

I shrugged a shoulder.

“Well,” she said thoughtfully. “We don’t always expect love when it finds us. I certainly wasn’t looking for Will. The man was buying flowers for his ex-girlfriend to woo her back, remember? When he came back to ask me out, I thought I was his second choice. I refused him for weeks.”

I smiled, remembering just how dramatic my sister had been at the time. How sure she’d been that Will thought she was that easy. She’d made him work for it.

And he had.

“Will’s a great guy, and your situation is different from mine.”

“Yes, but you’re still human. There’s nothing wrong with wanting companionship.”

The phantom feeling of Cash’s hand on my neck returned. The warmth of his smiles, his voice. The looks he cast my way, a message in them that seemed to say that I was the center of his world.

I wanted that. I wanted it so much.

But could I ever have it without the other side of the coin? Without disappointing him or leaving him so unsatisfied that he’d seek out other partners?

And a guy like Cash? Anyone would snap him up in a heartbeat.

Anyone but me, that was.

Because deep down, I knew I couldn’t keep him. No matter how fondly he looked at me or how much I liked the small fragments of affection he cast my way.