Page 23 of Resist Me Not (Bloody Desires #4)

“I will be disappointed because I enjoy your company very much, but if so, you will never hear from me again after tonight.”

The panic that surges up at the thought of never seeing him again surprises me.

Or maybe it doesn’t. I’ve never met anyone like him.

I’ve never connected in so many ways with someone this strongly before.

I don’t want all of that to end. I don’t want to go back to constantly choosing the wrong partner.

But can I really call Trey the right one?

“Would you ever consider… stopping?” I ask.

He finishes his current bite of food and looks me square in the eyes. “No. It is something I need to do. Something I am compelled to do. I do not plan to ever stop, and I do not need nor want to be rescued from my evil ways. I am who I am, Walker, just as you are you.”

“And you want to keep seeing me?”

“Very much. Our schedules will work perfectly together when you start your fellowship. I’ll often be elsewhere, and you’ll often be busy at the hospital, but when we can see each other, I would very much like to.”

“But if I say yes to that, you’re asking me to be an accessory not only to the two murders I know about but countless others I don’t.

And countless more you still plan to commit.

I’m a doctor, I…” I pathetically gesture at my poster.

“I’m supposed to do no harm! Apathy is still harm.

Turning a blind eye is still harm. I don’t know if I can do that.

I don’t know if I believe what you’re doing is the righteous justice you want to call it. ”

“He was going to hit you again,” Trey says in a voice so low, it makes my insides quiver. His black eyes don’t move from mine. I don’t even think they’ve blinked.

“Yeah, he was, but once I got over my shock, I would have pummeled him right back.”

“I believe you would have, but not everyone can do that. It took my mother years before she could.”

“Okay, it’s cheating to keep bringing up your mom.”

Trey snorts.

“Of course, I think it’s okay what she did. She was protecting herself and her child.”

“We can go round and round all night about the morality of killing, Walker, but in the end, this is simple. I want to be with you. You want to be with me.”

“I—”

“You do. You know you do. You chose to stay last night. You chose to not call the police. You chose to not tell the police about me even when you were safely in their midst. Again and again, you kept choosing me. So, all that’s left to answer is will you again? Or should I go?”

The same panic as before surges up like it could drown me. I hate that he’s right. I hate that I have to make this choice at all. I hate that I like him so much.

Why is he acting so freaking perfect when I should be running for the hills?

Why am I stupidly choosing again to not?

“Just eat your butter chicken,” I say and go back to enjoying mine.

We eat. We even small talk a little, like about his visit with his mom and where he’s going afterward for work.

He’s only visiting her for a day. He’ll be in another city for a week.

Then he wants to come back to see me again.

If I hadn’t found out he was a serial killer, it wouldn’t even be a question that I would want that.

But even after my favorite meal and trying to reconcile my feelings, the tension keeps creeping back into my shoulders.

This otherwise wonderful man kills people.

He killed my ex. Curtis and I were together for three months, and as much as I grew to loathe the sight of him by the end, I never would have wished him dead.

Yet the man sitting in my living room who fucked me within an inch of oblivion last night killed him.

He fucking killed him.

For me.

“If I am going to be staying,” Trey says, while bussing our plates and taking care of all the cleanup for me—because of course he does, “and you retain the right to change your mind about that at any time, I would like to help further ease your anxieties, Walker. I don’t want you to have another panic attack if I can hold it at bay.

I don’t want to be the reason you need extra puffs on your inhaler.

I want to be the remedy that helps you to not need it. ”

“What… did you have in mind?”

He grins, and after he’s finished cleaning up, he returns to me.

The curl of his fingers with mine as he leads me from the living room into the bathroom causes a familiar shiver.

Maybe part of my responses to Trey always had a little fear included, like the lizard part of my brain knew what the rest didn’t, what the rest didn’t want to believe.

It has to be the stupid monkey part of my brain that enjoys it when any amount of fear should be a warning sign worth running from.

In the bathroom, Trey starts to fill the tub. It’s huge for being in an apartment, the whirlpool kind that’s more the size of a small hot tub. It was this place’s biggest selling point for me. I love a good soak after a long day.

When Trey starts to unbutton his shirt though, I have to laugh.

“You want to take a bath?”

“I had planned to simply bathe you .”

“Bathe me?” I choke on the absurdity of how that sounds right now.

“But seeing as how there is room for two…” Trey continues to slowly unbutton his shirt while keeping my gaze.

He really means it. I didn’t get to see much of him disrobed last night.

It’s a view I wouldn’t mind seeing again, and it’s weird how Trey dressing down in no way makes him feel less dangerous, but I’m not really scared of him anymore.

I don’t think. I know he doesn’t want me to be. He just wants to take care of me.

None of the seemingly otherwise normal jerks I’ve dated have ever gone out of their way to take care of me when I most needed it. Least of all Curtis.

Fuck it . If I’m going to Hell, I might as well enjoy this dance with the devil.

I undress too.

“Slower,” Trey says, and my mind is brought back to last night—how was that only last night—when he ordered me to go slower while I was desperately trying to jerk off and come before he fucked me.

My cock gives a twitch at hearing the order now.

“There’s no need to race when the point is relaxation. ”

I don’t know if I’m feeling particularly relaxed with my heart hammering and blood rushing south. I peel my shirt over my head slower and then undo my jeans just as leisurely, while watching the steady pace of Trey losing piece by piece too.

Actually getting to take him in more than I could last night is…

nice. Comforting. Arousing. All his lean lines and toned muscle.

I’m fit but I’ve always had a bit of heft around my middle, some healthy love handles.

The way Trey gave attention to that part of me like literal worship was also something new, something unique to him, when Curtis actually said to me once:

“Of course you’re hot. But you’d be smokin’ if you lost ten pounds.”

Prick.

That was one of the last straws before I told him I was done. Remembering that doesn’t make me glad he’s dead, but it does make me feel a little less guilty about it.

Trey’s pants drop, and he’s hard too. Fully erect without an ounce of shame, while I’m only half-mast. I was blindfolded when he had me suck him off.

Seeing him in bright bathroom light all on display like this is enough to make my mouth water.

It’s not just that he’s attractive. Plenty of guys are attractive.

But he’s… a presence. He has this aura, and naked or clothed, smiling or staring me down like a challenge the way he is now, makes me want to drop right to my knees again.

I step out of the last of my clothes too.

Trey hums as he looks me over, like he’s never seen anything he wanted to devour more. “While I do appreciate your brilliance in this lighting, I think the evening calls for something more soothing.”

There’s a separate vanity light by the mirror. Trey turns it on and turns the main light off, dimming everything to a subtly romantic atmosphere. The heat from the water filling the tub is already steaming things up a bit.

Trey takes his phone from his pile of clothes and sets it by the sink. He starts some playlist or another for ambiance, and not even being in the water yet, I keep feeling better. And getting harder, just watching him, wondering what he’ll do next. What he’ll tell me to do.

“Still such a good boy, waiting for me to lead, hm?”

His voice saying ‘good boy’ again springs my cock up the rest of the way. “It’s really unfair how well you read me.”

“You don’t think you’re getting better at reading me?”

“Well, the current writing is pretty clear.” I nod at his impressively ramrod shaft.

He laughs with a low rumble.

I didn’t think my cock could get harder, but there it goes.

“Come on, let’s soak for a bit, shall we?” Trey holds out a hand as if to help me into the tub. I don’t need help, but I still take his hand and let him guide me.

Sinking into the warm water is literal bliss.

I don’t know why I didn’t do this earlier.

I showered, but my mind was too rattled to relax or think clearly.

Trey climbs in after me and sinks down too.

Our legs brush in the water but there is otherwise more than enough room for two, facing each other at opposite ends.

The tap is on the wall between us, not behind either of our heads.

Trey lets the water cover us a little more before he turns it off.

Between the water, the lighting, the music, and just Trey , somehow the bad things seem really far away, like they can’t exist in this room.

“This is really… nice,” I say with a shy flick of my eyes.

It’s ridiculous that now I feel bashful, but the way Trey is looking at me is so soft.

And we are both still hard. The water is clear, so it’s not like anything is hiding it.

The water and his gaze are only building on the heat pooling in my gut.