I can't help but stare at Weslie. He had changed so much since our relationship when we were younger. His hair was longer, and he had a bit of a beard growing in. His hair was still ginger, and his brown eyes still held that softness to them. I used to stare into those eyes, feeling so safe.
Weslie stood in jeans and a short-sleeved firefighter shirt. His muscles bulged, and I could see a full arm tattoo on his left side. It was of a wolf howling at the moon. I was a little surprised by it, not thinking that he was the type to get a tattoo, but then again, I didn't think he was the type to just leave me without warning.
I hated how much I missed him suddenly. I hated how my heart skipped a beat and felt gooey inside. I was suddenly sixteen again, sneaking around to be with him.
I knew better than to think about those days. Because as nice as they were, he still left. He just disappeared one night and never returned. No call. No message. And I had to act like it didn't bother me because what we had wasn't real. If it had been, he would have told me he was leaving.
I just remember laying in bed staring at my ceiling, going over everything, questioning everything we had done together. I remembered all the times I cried on his shoulder, telling him how much I missed Cayden and how I was so lonely and afraid. I told him secrets, and without warning, he just disappeared, and I never heard from him again.
I wasn't going to lie and say I wasn't shocked to see him here. Why did Cayden never mention that he was working with Weslie at the fire station?
I quickly shook my head. I needed to focus. I couldn't be thinking about the past like this.
"That's not happening," I said, crossing my arms. "Not only that, but no one would believe it. I'm new to the town. I've only been here a month."
"You don't know that," Cayden said. "I've seen people get married a lot sooner than a month."
I looked at my brother, a little surprised at how quickly he agreed to the idea. Was he seriously thinking this was a good idea? "You want me to marry your best friend?"
"It's fake," Cayden said, crossing his arms. "Once this all blows over, you guys can go your separate ways."
I wanted to ask if he knew about Weslie and me in the past. How would he feel if he knew that Weslie and I had dated before and that I had fallen in love with him? Would he be willing to fake-marry me off?
I looked at Weslie, and seeing the straight face told me he hadn't. He didn't tell him about what we did, and he might never.
I didn't know what hurt worse. The fact that he left or the fact that he left and Cayden found him but never told me. He never mentioned that he was living in the same pack as Weslie and that they were perfectly happy avoiding the pack and doing whatever they wanted.
I was left alone, picking up the pieces of my broken heart. I cried myself to sleep because I had imagined a whole future with Weslie. I had envisioned a beautiful wedding, a few children, and a beautiful job. I had thought that Weslie wanted the same things I did, but I'd been wrong.
I rebelled even harder after Weslie left. I pierced my ears and got a few tattoos. I started smoking, quit smoking, and started up again and quit once more. I argued with my folks, but suddenly, everything was piling up so high, and I couldn't take it.
Then I met Ivan, and the pain was gone. Ivan….who was giving me whatever I wanted. If I wanted cigarettes, he bought them. If I wanted booze, he got it. If I wanted sex….well…he was more than happy. He looked so perfect to everyone, but I knew what lay underneath his smiles and his gentle eyes. But he was an escape, a freedom from everything else.
"I'm done with this conversation," I said, pulling myself up. I walked towards the kitchen. "I'm not doing a fake marriage because it's not needed. Ivan isn't a problem. He isn't like Riley's ex."
"You don't know that," Cayden growled, following after me. "And you can't just avoid the issue. He will likely come back, and you don't know how far he will go."
"You mean like you avoided the pack issues and just left?" I snapped at him. I thought I'd moved past that anger, but maybe I hadn't. Perhaps I was still mad he left me behind. Maybe I still hadn't forgiven him. Or perhaps I just wanted to throw it in his face and get him to stop.
Cayden's face softened. "April, you know why I left."
I turned and opened the fridge. I didn't know what I was looking for, but it was better than looking at my brother. "Riley is going to be here in a bit. So, could you two please leave? We're having girl's night." I looked at Cayden. "And you don't get a say about it. Riley is perfectly safe down here with me."
I started grabbing things and pulling them out. I turned, finding both of them staring at me. Cayden inhaled slowly. "April, please...just think about it. I'm worried about your safety here."
"I'm fine," I said for what felt like the twentieth time. "Ivan is nothing I can't handle, so please, leave."
Cayden sighed. "Fine, but call me if anything happens. I'm just upstairs."
I nodded, glancing at Weslie. He looked hurt as he looked at me. I looked away, not wanting to think about my past and how I got here, how I got myself into such a shit show.
They both slipped out, and I heard the door shut behind them. I felt tears bloom and quickly shook them away. I could take care of myself. I've been doing it for years.
I was starting to set the TV up when my phone rang. I clicked it onto the speaker and stepped back, looking at my TV.
"Hey."
Riley spoke up, sounding worried. "Cayden just said that Ivan is here? Are you okay? Did anything happen? Did anything happen to you?"
I sighed, wanting to smack my brother. Of course, he would call and tell Riley. "I'm fine. Nothing happened. He just came to my apartment drunk, and he left."
"Don't tell me nothing happened. You know that's bull. You're practically shaking. I can hear it in your voice."
I stiffened. Shit. Of course, she could.
Riley sighed. "I understand you work through things your way, but don't push me away when you need people. You need to start opening up. Why don't you join me and the other girls for some lunch or something? Get to know them and really start to settle yourself into this place. It's good to know the pack and have that protection. You're in a bit of a slump, April. Getting out might help you feel a little better."
I understood her point and thought about it. It would be a good idea to get to know the girls better. I'd spent some time with them, and they all seemed nice. I heard from Riley just how lovely they were all the time. And I was lonely.
"Okay," I said with a nod. "What time do you think you're going to get here? I have the popcorn, and I bought some wine. I know you can't have any, but I can." I looked around, trying to remember where I placed the remote. "We could order some food too if you don't just want popcorn. And once I find the remote, I can start looking for a show to watch."
"About that, one of the girls left early because she wasn't feeling well, so I needed to stay late. But let's have breakfast with the girls tomorrow. We can watch TV after breakfast and spend the entire day being lazy afterward."
I frowned, feeling my shoulders sink. But I didn't say anything. I couldn't make her feel bad that she was working late. She, unlike me, had a job and responsibilities.
"Okay, let's do that. I'll call you in the morning." I said, swinging onto the couch.
I ended the call and sighed, turning back to the TV. Even if Riley wasn't coming, I could at least enjoy the TV. There were some shows that I needed to get caught up on and movies I could watch.
I decided to make myself some noodles and sat down, flipping the TV on. I poured myself a glass of wine and sighed. I was flipped through, but nothing caught my attention, and I needed something to occupy my mind.
But I felt that hand clawing at me as I tried to relax. The worry that Ivan would come back and break down my door. I glanced back at the door, making sure I locked it.
My phone rang, and I jumped, nearly spilling the noodles all over the couch. I quickly caught the bowl and pulled my phone up. Maybe Riley got off earlier than she thought.
"Hello?"
"You enjoying your TV?"
My entire body stiffened, and I felt like a hand wrapped around my throat. I quickly pushed the noodles aside and got up. I circled around my apartment, feeling eyes on me. But I knew he wasn't in my apartment. There was no way he was in my apartment.
"Where are you?" I asked, knowing it was Ivan.
"You know that this situation between us should have been left private. You didn't need to involve your brother."
I turned to my patio, and I swallowed. I walked towards it and glanced down. Cars filled the parking lot, but I knew I was right. Ivan was down there, watching me.
"You and I are done, Ivan. I don't know how many times I need to say this. But we're over. I’ll involve whoever I want if I feel that I'm unsafe. You need to go home."
"You think you're unsafe?" Ivan laughed, and it curled my stomach. I moved away from the door and back towards the couch. "You think a locked door is going to keep you safe, April? You should know me better by now."
"You're still drunk, aren't you?" I asked, running a hand over my face.
"Possible, it's the only way I can tolerate your ass."
I ground my teeth together and held back a growl. "Go home, Ivan. You have the divorce paperwork. Everything is already sent in. So, there is nothing linking you to me anymore."
"You see, this is where you're wrong. It's not that simple, April. There is the dividing of everything. Dividing of assets. Dividing of our accounts."
I threw my hands up, feeling we had already had this fight before. "I took what I wanted and left you practically everything! I took my car, which I paid for with my own money, and I took my family jewelry. I left you everything else. And the accountants are handling the money, so there is no reason for you to call me! So just fucking go home!"
I panted, wanting to punch a wall. I wanted to be free. I just wanted to move on and start over like Riley had been able to.
Ivan was quiet for a moment before his voice shifted. "Enjoy your TV, April. But I wouldn't get too comfortable because you and I both know you're going to screw this up and come crawling back to me like you always have. You think you can do this, but you can't."
The line ended, and I couldn't breathe. I stared at the TV, suddenly feeling I couldn't turn it on. I couldn't do anything. I turned, looking at the front door, making sure it was locked. I turned, walking towards the patio, and made sure the door was locked. I scanned the parking lot, but the feeling he was watching was gone.
I wrapped my arms around myself, tempted to call Cayden. But I didn't. I was safe. Ivan couldn't touch me.
A shiver ran down my spine, and I remembered why I left. Because, in truth, Ivan was unsafe. He had hurt me before. He'd hurt me many times before. He'd choked me. He'd slapped me. Ivan was the type to stalk me.
I swallowed, knowing I wasn't going to sleep at all at night.