Page 17

"God, it's nice outside for early March," Wendy said as she leaned back, looking up at the sky. The wind blew, and her hair fluttered with it. I couldn't help but smile, wondering if I would ever be that carefree.

"Agreed," Ashley said, pulling her hair into a pony. She looked just as carefree as Wendy did. They looked so happy.

I glanced across the yard at the kids. Poppy, Ivy, and Zayden were sitting together, blowing bubbles and giggling in a group. Micheal had a motorized vehicle that he was moving around. He was a smart kid, just telling her moments ago how he built it with Miles.

"So, are you still enjoying your job?" Laura asked, placing her phone down as she reseated herself on the bench. "I heard about the fire and how you helped clear the kids out. Nicely done."

"I am," I said, nodding my head. "It's been really enjoyable, actually. Minus the fire, of course. I get along with the other staff, and I've been able to keep up with everything."

Now that I had been at the school for a little over a month, I found myself really enjoying the work. I enjoyed talking with the students and the teachers. I found myself looking forward to going back to work the next day.

Wendy leaned forward. "Have you heard more about what you're going to do when Deb gets back to work? The girls were telling me about the opening at the middle school."

I nodded my head. "I was told that the middle school opening was going to be next year. So, I applied, and Rebecca told me it looked pretty good."

"Oh my god, really?" Laura squealed. "The bitch is finally leaving? Oh, I could celebrate!"

I laughed, nodding my head. "She is. I'll have to figure out something else to do until then, but yeah. If they pick me, I'll be there next year. I'm pretty excited about it."

"That's great, congratulations," Wendy said, reaching across the table and giving my hands a squeeze. "It's nice to see you fitting in so well."

I blushed. The truth was, I felt like I was fitting in more. I was getting to know the students and their parents. I was learning more about Honeyville and how it became what it was. I heard more and more each day, which made me realize I never wanted to leave. This place was starting to feel like home.

The pack was ruled with softness and grace, yet Ayden was rough when he needed to be. And Wendy stood beside him with just as much confidence. But they got help from all the guys. They each pitched in where they were needed and did it without complaint.

I looked at Gina. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good," she said, rubbing her belly. "Extremely hormonal. I've been picking fights often, but nothing that Lucas doesn't handle." She smiled, looking down at her stomach. "I'm grateful. I can't wait to meet them."

I chuckled, and Riley snorted. "Same."

I looked over my shoulder toward the guys standing by the grill. Ayden was cooking steaks while the guys were all standing around him. I looked at Weslie, taking in his clean look. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a loose white shirt. His hair was slightly curly from his shower.

My mind went back half an hour. He walked past me in the hallway, and my mouth watered at the sight of him. He had a six-pack, and water trailed down his chest toward his hairline. His jeans weren't fully buttoned, so I could see his boxers. It was imprinted in my mind.

I quickly shook my head.

"What do you think, April?"

I looked back at the girls and realized I hadn't been listening, and they asked a question. "What?"

Wendy smirked. "Was someone oggling their spouse?"

I felt my face grow hot. "No. I was just thinking about something."

"Liar," Ashley said with a laugh. "You were staring at him. I know that face. We all know that face. It's the face you make when you're thinking about sex."

My face grew red, and I quickly shook my head. "No, I was looking when the food was going to be done."

"Your face says otherwise," Riley laughed. "Don't deny it. We've all been there. I was thinking the same thing during the car ride."

I shook my head. "Oh god, Riley! I don't need that image in my head!"

Everyone started to laugh when Poppy walked over towards them. She had a ball in her hands as she looked up at us all with eager eyes. "Does anyone want to ball?"

"I will," I said, happily wanting to get away from the girls and their dirty minds. It wasn't that I didn't want to gush about things because I did. But we hadn't exactly figured out what we were. Weslie and I hadn't stated this was all real. There were real emotions, but what happened when this was all over?

It didn't help that I was falling. I wasn't supposed to. I knew Weslie's reputation, and when this was over, he would go back to it, wouldn't he? I frowned, hating how I was still doubting myself even after Weslie told me how he felt. I wanted to cling to that, but a part of me wouldn’t let me. Deep down, I suspected it just wasn’t that simple.

I walked over with Poppy and Ivy and kicked a ball around. It was refreshing to hear their soft giggles as they each ran around trying to kick the ball. I suddenly remembered how I had thought I would have several kids by now. Seeing how far my life had landed from that dream pulled at my heartstrings. I might never have kids.

"You guys mind if I join?" I looked over my shoulder to find Weslie watching us. Poppy beamed and kicked the ball towards him. Weslie kicked it back, and Poppy giggled. She ran to him, and Weslie hoisted her into the air and spun her.

"Me too! Me too!" Ivy said, running towards Weslie. She waved her hands as she ran towards him, wanting to be lifted up as well.

Weslie hosted Ivy into the air and spun her around a little before bringing her back down.

"So, did you girls end up having a good day when you went up to the cabin?" he asked, bending down to their level.

I looked confused as Poppy nodded her head. "We did! Do you want to see pictures? I flew! Mom was so proud."

"Cabin?" I looked at them all, confused. "What cabin?"

Weslie nodded his head. "Ayden has a cabin that they go to on occasion. We've all been up there a few times. It's pretty nice and reserved. We could go down there for a trip."

And he knew about their trip. "How did you know they went?" I asked.

"He babysits," Poppy said. "For date night."

This was news for me. I hadn't realized he was so close to the kids. I didn't even know he babysat, and suddenly, I felt like I should. I'd been living with him. How had I not noticed before?

He kicked the ball, and Poppy and Ivy ran for it. The wind blew, and I wrapped my arms around myself. As I stared at him, I wondered if I really knew him.

"You're really good with the kids," I said, "Even nice enough to babysit."

He nodded. "Well, we all kind of babysit for each other. Everyone goes on date nights and asks who can watch the kids. The numbers have gotten a little slimmer since everyone has gotten married."

It brought up a lot of questions. Did he want kids? He did well with them, but that didn't mean he wanted them. And if he didn't, wouldn't he have them by now?

"Have you ever thought of having that? Marriage and kids?" The question came out quickly, and I realized how it sounded. I swallowed suddenly, wishing I hadn't asked.

Weslie nodded his head. "Yeah, I did. I wanted all of it. The marriage and children. The house and the yard. I wanted the picket fence dream with the big house and the dog running around." He waved a hand around. "All of this. I had wanted it. But it seems that might not be the future for me."

I felt like someone had hit me in the gut. He had wanted it. Which meant he didn't anymore. I wondered when it had changed. When had he wanted the future? And who had he wanted it with? All questions I knew were too personal, and I had no right to them.

I swallowed, feeling like I could cry. I knew better than to get emotional. Weslie wasn't the tying down type. Everyone knew this, everyone but me, it seemed. And this was fake. When this was all over, he would go back to his life, the life he had enjoyed.

I quickly shook my head, looking back at Poppy and Ivy. I tossed the ball to them a few times and then back to Weslie. He tossed it a little further out, letting them run after it.

"Well, then it's a good thing this is all fake because I certainly don't fit the bill for that if you had wanted it."

Weslie looked at me and frowned. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "I want that. I want the kids and the marriage. I want the good days and the bad days. I want all of us. So, it's a good thing this is all fake." I waved a hand between us. "Because you don't. So, when this is over...you can get back to the future you want, and I can start searching for mine."

Weslie stepped closer to me, his voice dropping slightly. "April, I wanted all of that with you. I'd pictured it. The house, the kids, and the marriage. Only with you. No one else but you. I've never had a relationship because I've always wanted you."

I swallowed, unsure if he meant it or not. Was this part of the fake marriage? Was everyone watching us? There was no way he meant those words. Maybe he saw the hurt in my eyes and wanted to make me feel better. But that only made it worse.

I suddenly felt like I needed space. I couldn't breathe because it felt like someone was choking me. If this was real, why couldn't we just be honest with one another?

"Excuse me," I said, turning and headed for the porch. Wendy had said we were allowed inside the house, and I was taking that chance. I needed a moment to collect myself.

"April," Weslie called my name, but I didn't stop. I headed up the stairs and slipped inside. I headed down the hallway towards the bathroom, just needing a moment to pull myself together.

I suddenly could hear Ivan. "You're not worthy of everything."

It was late Sunday night. My head was pounding, and I sniffled. We had just gotten back to the house, and he had thrown our China onto the ground. He'd flipped the couch and threw a vase at the window.

"All I asked was for you to have the baby! I haven't asked for much!"

I shook as I stood there, my lower lip quivering.

He walked closer to me, reaching a hand up, and grabbed my face. "You are fucking worthless! You are a waste of space!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, but I could still hear his words.

"You can't do anything right! You can't cook right, you can't clean right, and you sure as hell can't fuck right. And now you lost the baby! After everything I've done! All the hard work I have put into getting us this life, and you continue to fuck it up!"

I had told Ivan I was pregnant, but the test had been incorrect. I went to see my doctor, and she’d explained I had gotten a false positive, but Ivan had taken it to mean I’d lost the baby.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"You're going to be if you don't make this up to me." His fingers let go, and he stormed off. But I could still hear his words repeating over and over in my head.

You're worthless—a waste of space.

And they still stuck with me. I felt tears build up, wishing I could move away from all that pain, but it traveled with me. I would never be able to believe anything anyone said because of him.

"He doesn't mean it," I whispered to myself. "Weslie was just being nice."