Page 21

A sickening thought curled in my gut. What if my weakened lycan had left me vulnerable to sickness like a human?

Lycans weren’t supposed to suffer from human ailments.

Our rapid healing and heightened metabolism made us immune to their diseases.

It set us apart from them and was part of why so many saw us as superior.

But if my body was failing me now, what did that make me?

If somehow I contracted a disease that my body had to fight off, I’d lose my life to it. My old pack doctor joked he would put me in a plastic bubble because of my condition so I wouldn’t die from something any other lycan wouldn’t even have to worry about.

Amara’s eyes widened even further after another round of frantic sniffing. As she filled her nostrils, the sickening churn in my stomach returned with brutal force. Whatever she had just discovered filled me with immense dread and anxiety.

She looked at me with deep lines of worry etched into her expression. Unshed tears shimmered in her eyes, sending an icy dread curling through my veins. No one wanted their best friend to wear that look while smelling them, and I had the sinking feeling it wasn’t just bad. It was lethal.

“Kylie, when was your last period?”

That question dumbfounded me. It was rare for me to even have one when I lived in Ironhide.

The constant state of panic from waiting for my father to scream at me put my body in a perpetual state of fight or flight.

This was damaging for anyone’s body, and I noticed my periods would only come once every few months.

I shrugged my shoulders because I honestly didn’t know. Amara hummed as she looked at me and bit her lip.

“Have you gone into heat yet?”

Another question I had a hard time answering.

Going into heat happened rather quickly for most after they became bonded, and it was a whole ordeal.

Most males became twice as protective and obsessive of their mates, often remaining holed up in their rooms because they could barely drag themselves away as the constant need for sex rolled through their females.

As I pulled up the memories since the bonding ceremony, I couldn’t recall much difference.

Most days, Maximus and I couldn’t leave the bedroom because the bond demanded our touch.

It wasn’t one-sided, which could have indicated going into heat, but it didn’t feel right for that.

Females going into heat would demand orgasms just to make the impossible level of throbbing for them subside for a little while.

Another reason a bonded pair didn’t leave their rooms until it was over.

They had little choice because of the needs the female experienced during that time.

“I don’t think so…”

Amara swallowed and wouldn’t look at me. My friend’s suspicions had to have arisen for a reason. The way she scented me and those questions only led to one conclusion.

I was pregnant.

My body trembled as the realization took hold.

I took a sharp breath, and my lungs quivered.

The thought of being pregnant consumed every corner of my mind, leaving barely any room for anything else.

Maximus and I were so lost in our connection that we had never bothered with protection.

We were slaves to the undeniable pull that kept us tangled together night after night.

The likelihood of pregnancy was too high to ignore. Heat increased the odds of conception, but it wasn’t a requirement. The possibility existed without it. I wasn’t sure I was ready to carry this weight.

“Sweetie, I can smell it. Your hormones are different. I’m at least ninety-nine percent sure you are pregnant right now.”

The walls closed in on me as she spoke those words. I knew they were true. It was the best explanation for why I was curled around the toilet right now.

The beast inside me rumbled to confirm. Like me, she was curled up on the floor of my mind but used enough energy to affirm the pregnancy. Anyone else would be delighted to hear they were pregnant with their mate’s pup. Me… not so much.

I wasn’t strong enough for this.

On a good day, I could move through the pack house with ease, handling my tasks without issue.

But pregnancy would change everything. It would drain my strength, redirecting it to nurture the growing life inside me.

Maximus would likely have to care for me day and night, as I’d be bedridden and dependent on him for everything.

And if this sickness didn’t fade? If it clung to me throughout the pregnancy?

I’d spend more time curled over the bathroom floor than anywhere else, my body constantly betraying me.

The energy meant for the baby, meant to help it grow strong, would instead be wasted—spent battling an affliction I couldn’t control.

So much could go wrong because of how weak I had already become.

I remembered the pack doctor at Ironhide telling me during one of my periods that I shouldn’t get pregnant until I had become stronger, or I wouldn’t carry to full term.

The pup wouldn’t grow enough, or my body would reject it due to how frail I had become.

What if that happened? Would Maximus hate me because I couldn’t bear him any pups?

Oh gods… I have to tell Maximus. How could I tell him when there was so much doubt I could even carry to full term? Why would I get his hopes up when it could be ripped away from us?

The unbearable weight pressing down on me was too much.

The sour churn of nausea swelled as my body reacted to the storm of thoughts that I couldn’t hope to silence.

There were too many risks, too many ways this could go wrong for me.

I wasn’t strong enough to hold my own in the pack; there was no way I could bring life into this world!

The worst-case scenario loomed if I managed to carry this to term.

What if I died trying to deliver the baby, or the baby died because I wasn’t strong enough to birth him?

There was a possibility we both could die, and a doctor couldn’t do anything to save us.

Who even says that we make it that far? If I lost the pup before then, what would that mean for Maximus and me?

I could only imagine the contempt and resentment he would hold in his heart toward me if I wasn’t able to carry his heir to term.

Of course, this was happening to me. I was only given this opportunity to have it ripped away from me.

This was the tragedy I had become used to.

It was the life I deserved. The black cloud that loomed over my head throughout my life had followed me here.

Maximus’s light, which he brought to me, was snuffed out as he ignored me, and now, I faced the genuine chance that this pup might not be born because of my awful luck.

“Sweetie, talk to me. What’s going on?” Amara asked as she rubbed her hand up and down my back in a vain attempt to soothe me.

I tried to find the words to explain, and tears started to run down my face. There were no positive thoughts going through my mind right now, only the negative possibilities of things that were likely to happen. My mouth was dry, and my stomach remained in knots.

“I don’t know what to do!” I wailed as I crossed my arms over the toilet bowl to lean my forehead on it. “Our Ironhide p-pack d-d-doctor once s-s-said I was too weak and wouldn’t c-c-carry to f-f-full term if I ever got pregnant!”

My friend pulled me from the toilet and pressed me against her. My head became buried in the crook of her neck as she continued to rub my back.

“Doctors don’t know everything, Ky. Ours in Ironhide wasn’t a good pack doctor, either. He hated everything about being part of our pack and just didn’t want to do his job. Maybe you should get checked out by the doctor here.”

I shook my head. It was futile. Maximus didn’t want to touch me throughout the night already.

What if this made that worse because I had been sick throughout the day?

He seemed to be annoyed about me not getting better after our bonding.

The pup could drain me more than before, so I’d need his touch more.

No words could form while I sobbed into my friend. Nothing she said felt reassuring. The black cloud only grew in darkness because it felt like no matter what happened, my life would not get better.

“Stop it. I know what you are doing.” Amara told me before pulling me away from her enough to see my face.

“Just because things don’t look good right now doesn’t mean a damn thing, Kylie.

Your body could grow stronger because of your little pup’s energy.

Max will be thrilled to find out you are pregnant with his pup.

If things get a little screwy, you’ll have the pack doctor to help you through it. ”

“What if they can’t?” I sniffled. “What if they are like the one from Ironhide and they don’t know how to help me?”

She growled. “Then we will find one that can. Max would probably go to the ends of the earth to find a doctor who could help you through this.”

“You think so?” I whispered, still not convinced that my mate would love me enough through this.

The grip on my shoulders tightened. “I know so. He is your mate, Kylie. Destined to love you through everything. So let’s get you cleaned up and you can go tell him about this.”

“No!” I shouted, and she recoiled, not expecting me to react that way. “We can’t tell him. Not yet.”

Her eyes narrowed at me as her face scrunched in confusion. “Why not?”

My hand found my belly, and the fear increased again.

I didn’t want to tell Maximus because it was still far too early in the pregnancy.

“What if something goes wrong? It’s too soon to tell him.

Please, Amara,” I pleaded. “Don’t tell Max until I do.

Let the pregnancy progress a little longer so we don’t tell him and risk something going wrong.

I don’t think he would handle it well if I lost the baby. ”

Amara sighed and nodded. “Fair enough. You may only be a few weeks along, if that. But you need to tell him before he figures it out, Kylie. He will be even more upset if he finds out the hard way.”

She was right, but I couldn’t risk telling him and then something happening. Too much was going on with my lycan being frail. This didn’t need to be added to the pile for him to regret bonding himself to a weak lycan like me.

It would end everything as I knew it.