Page 33 of Rebound

I tilt my head. “Like what?”

“Kiss and touch you whenever I wanted to. I figured sex would be off the table and I’m happy to wait until you come crawling into my bed.” He pouts and bats his eyes, like I’ll change my mind about any of my rules. I really should have fought him harder on the flirting one.

I sigh. “I’m reluctantly letting you move in. Don’t push it.”

“Oh, thank god for that.” More dramatics.

With a shake of my head, I finish my tea and head to the kitchen. I leave the mug in the sink and rustle around in the cabinets for something to eat. I know I just inhaled pancakes, but I’m hungry all the time. And if I eat something sweet, I need a savoury treat immediately afterwards. I return with a handful of masala nuts?1 and Patrick frowns.

“It’s eight in the morning, Lo.”

I wave him off and pop a few into my mouth. “I gotta ask, are you handling this…the pregnancy thing better now?”

He shrugs and looks away. “I think so. I’ve talked about it in therapy and it helps.”

“It’s sexy that you go to therapy,” I tease and he glares.

He smiles and slumps back on the couch, long legs stretched out. It’s the first time I’m allowing myself to admire Patrick. He takes off his cap and unties his hair, and I know he doesn’t spend too much time making himself look pretty. He just is. Then there’s the all black ensemble making the tattoos on his arms pop.

“Weirdly enough, the panic attack helped,” he continues and I look around my flat so I’m not staring at him. “I don’t think it’s fully sunk in yet. Maybe once I move in and we do a couple of those appointments, it’ll register.” He glances at me and I see the sincerity in his eyes. “What about you?”

“It was scary at first. What do I know about being a mother?” There’s no point hiding it from him. “When I realised this baby was yours, I was terrified to tell you. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to trap you.”

“I would have been happy to be trapped by you, Lo.”

“Quit it.”

“You agreed to the flirting,” he shoots back with a chuckle. “Sorry, please continue.”

I shake my head. “Point is, I was scared. I’d just come out of this long term relationship and reconnected with my…first love and it was all too much.” I don’t look at him as I say those words. “I thought the best thing to do was to terminate the pregnancy, but then I couldn’t.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Not having an abortion? Absolutely not. I’m still scared, but I’m excited. It’s weird. I didn’t plan for this either. Babies, marriage, they were always for other people.”

Even now I wonder would my relationship with Kabir have changed had I not lost the baby. Would we have gotten married and filled this apartment with love and joy? But the miscarriage made that impossible since it haunted me for years and the end of our relationship felt like a weight off my shoulders.

“Maybe I’m the one who did the trapping,” he says softly.

“Happy to be trapped by you, Trick.”

“No, you don’t get to flirt. That’s my job. Stick to your lane.”

I can’t help but laugh and not a quick chuckle, but one that echoes in my apartment. It feels good to laugh, to release all this frustration, irritation and anger.

“Was the night with me a rebound?”

I suck in a breath and glance at him, seeing the vulnerability written all over his face. I don’t want to lie, because in a way it was. It was good to be wanted, to be desired. Even better to have this beautiful man beg me for more.

“It was more than that though,” I say. “I was angry after everything ended with my relationship. But it was you, Trick. I laid eyes on you for the first time in twenty years and all I wanted to do was punch you with my mouth.”

He smirks, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“My night with you, I don’t regret it.” The words come out quickly, I’m surprised I don’t trip over them. “It’s ridiculous I got knocked up in the process, but it was an incredible night.”

“It was the best night, Lo.”

I make a meh sound which gets him to laugh.