Page 33

Brynla

I wake up slowly, my body taking its time in relaying information.

The din of the sandstorm is gone.

Silence buzzes in my ears instead.

My side aches from sleeping in one position on hard ground all night.

But the pain? The pain is gone.

My eyes open to the dimness of the cave, lit only by a sputtering fire in the center, and I’m suddenly aware that the man who took the pain from me is flush against my back, his arm draped loosely over the dip in my side. His breathing behind me is steady; perhaps he’s still asleep.

I take a moment to stare at the lava rock wall of the cave.

I take a moment to just…be.

When was the last time someone held me like this? When was the last time I fell asleep in someone else’s arms?

In the Dark City, I never let myself get close to anyone other than my aunt; it was too dangerous to either become attached or let my guard down.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t have my fair share of suitors.

I have sexual appetites just like any other woman my age, and men in the Banished Land were always more than willing to have a tryst here and there.

When you’re already living outside society’s standards, no one judges you for what you do, and sexually promiscuous women aren’t looked down upon.

But the sexual encounters never became anything more than what they were—a chance to forget one’s trouble for an evening and blow off some steam, hopefully in the form of an orgasm.

Sex was common but intimacy, that was rare.

I close my eyes and relax back into Andor, holding on to this moment, whatever it is and wants to be.

Last night he took my pain away. He touched me with his bare hands and I felt warmth and raw power coming from him that seeped directly into me.

I felt it in my soul, like I was being brought to life, filled with strength and resilience and then…

relief. Relief so overwhelming and acute that my body started to confuse it for something else.

I wanted him, I wanted his hands to dip lower, I wanted to know what it would feel like to have those healing hands between my legs.

For the first time I wasn’t ignoring the physical attraction that I’ve felt for Andor—I was encouraging it. I was craving more.

But then I fell asleep before anything more could happen.

I suppose it might have been wishful thinking that anything would have.

Yet as I writhed in pleasure at the totality of that relief, I felt how hard he was, how much I was turning him on.

Andor’s always been a difficult person to read in some ways.

He seems to feel everything all at once.

And he’s always been flirtatious and tactile with me, so I’ve never taken that to mean anything.

Why should I read into that? I’m his fucking prisoner.

And now? Now what?

He gave me peace and suddenly the cage I’m in doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

I don’t know if that means I’m weak.

Or that I’m getting stronger.

“Good morning,” he says, his voice thick with sleep and near my ear, causing an internal shiver to roll through me.

“Good morning,” I manage to say. My mouth is so dry, the air even more so. I’ve gotten so used to being in the fresh, moisture-rich air of Norland that every part of me feels parched. Doesn’t help that we’ve been sandblasted for hours.

I move my head slightly, looking up to see him staring down at me, his thick hair in a mess, his eyes half-lidded, his mouth curved in a small, amused smile.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted him more.

“How are you feeling?” he asks. “How is the pain?”

He’s trying to sound easy but I catch the look in his eyes, the one that says my answer could change the world for him.

Luckily, I only have to tell him the truth. “I have no pain.”

His face lights up as if shooting stars were passing overhead, a wide, breathtaking smile stretching across his handsome face, and my own heart leaps in response. “Are you sure?” he asks.

I nod and even though I don’t want to leave the warmth and comfort of his body, I shift over slightly and sit up.

“I’m a bit numb from sleeping like this all night, but no, there’s no pain.

In fact, I can’t remember the last time I felt so energized.

Especially in the morning. You know I’m not a morning person. ”

“It’s hard to tell if that’s you naturally or just part of staying at Stormglen,” he says softly, sitting up and moving so that he’s beside me. “Being with the Kolbecks has rubbed off on you.”

There’s only one Kolbeck I want rubbing off on me , I think.

“And how’s your face?” I ask, peering at the ragged cuts over his cheekbones. Before I can stop myself, I reach out and gingerly touch his cheek beside the wounds.

His eyes flutter closed for a second as he leans into my touch, and I have the strangest sensation of my chest being bound with thread and that he’s slowly unraveling it, maybe the first person to ever do so.

“I’ll live,” he says, meeting my eyes with such intensity that it makes my breath hitch.

The implications are subtly terrifying.

I drop my hand and look away before I make things too awkward. “Too bad your healing hands don’t work on yourself,” I tell him.

“As long as they work on you,” he says, getting to his feet.

He reaches down and pulls me up beside him.

He’s close, our chests nearly pressed against each other, and I have to tilt my head back to meet his eyes.

He’s still holding on to my arms, keeping me in place.

My belly warms with the flutter of butterfly wings, wanting him closer still.

God, what is happening?

“I never got a chance to thank you for saving me yesterday,” he says, his voice low and gravelly. “You could have left me under the blooddrages but you didn’t. I owe you.”

“You did just heal me,” I point out softly, but his words are bringing forth a shadow, the one that’s been lingering over me all this time.

“That’s not enough,” he says. “Your pain might come back. I might have just healed you for now.” He swallows hard and lets go of my arm, putting his hand at the back of my head.

Suddenly I can’t breathe. Wind from outside the cave whips its way inside, hot and sulfurous, making our hair dance.

I know what I can ask him.

How he can repay me.

Days ago I wouldn’t have hesitated.

But now, now I’m too scared to say it.

Because I no longer know if that’s what I want.

“I can let you go,” he says, gravity in his voice and gaze. “I can take you to the Dark City and leave you there.”

His answer feels like a rug being pulled out from under me.

It’s what I wanted.

What I came here planning for, why I have extra provisions in my pack.

What I was suddenly too afraid to ask for.

“You would do that?” I ask, shaking my head in disbelief. “Why?”

He runs his hand down to the back of my neck and grips me there gently. It’s possessive. It’s the opposite of freedom and yet I like the idea of him being possessive over me.

I don’t want him to let go.

Not now, perhaps not ever.

“Because I know it’s what you want,” he says, rubbing his thumb over the side of my neck, making my heart flutter.

“I might act like a fool most of the time, lavender girl, but I see more than you think. I saw what you packed, more than enough for a night. I knew that the first opportunity you had you would try to best me and make for the Banished Land. Maybe even leave me for dead. So imagine my surprise when you didn’t.

When you actually saved me. No suen in your blood to help you, you just marched back and charged those blooddrages head on.

You scared them off, Brynla. That’s how formidable you are.

And that’s how I know I don’t have the right to keep you, to blackmail you, to make you become something you’re not. ”

I hate the way I feel my face crumble. “How are you making me into something I’m not?”

“I forced you to work for House Kolbeck. You have no allegiance to us, not to me. You only have allegiance to yourself. You worked hard for your freedom and I stripped it away from you.” He swallows, giving his head a tiny shake. “I don’t want to do that anymore. You’re free to go.”

I don’t want to go.

It’s not just that he healed me—for the time being or not—but that something has flipped between us. Something has changed. And maybe it’s only the fact that he’s deciding to let me go, but…

I think I trust him.

“Then all of this will have been for nothing,” I say to him.

“No,” he says, looking surprised. “Not for nothing. I’ve had you in my life from one moon to the next. That wasn’t for nothing.”

Oh, blazes. My chest clenches at that, like the breath has been knocked out of me.

My throat feels too thick to speak properly. “I didn’t think you’d let me go so easily,” I manage to say.

He gives me a tight smile. “Nothing about this is easy. I want you here. But you knew that from the beginning. What do you want?”

“I want to see my aunt,” I tell him. “I want to bring her out of the Dark City. To Norland, somewhere. I want a better life. I want a better tomorrow. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

His grip tightens on my neck, his gaze dropping to my mouth where it burns. “Then, if you let me, I want to give you a better tomorrow.” The muscle in his jaw tics, his eyes looking anguished for a moment. “I can’t give many people many things, but I think I can give you that. I can at least try.”

Pride ripples through me, the urge to step out of his grip, the well-honed instinct to tell him that I don’t need him to give me anything, that I don’t need anything from anyone. For a moment I feel torn, like my vanity is about to rip me in two.

But I close my eyes and let myself give in.

I nod, about to tell him that’s exactly what I want, but as soon as I open my mouth, Lemi’s bark comes from outside the cave.

Andor releases me and steps back as Lemi comes bounding toward us, tongue lolling, tail wagging.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him, crouching down to his level as he slobbers all over me. “I told you to stay on the ship!”

He makes a bow and then barks again. He obviously wants us to get going.

I get to my feet, smiling as I ruffle up his ears with a vigorous head rub, then look over at Andor. “I guess this a sign to head back to the ship.”

He nods and starts gathering up the blanket and the rest of our stuff. “I figured as much. Storms seem to have stopped, so hopefully it will be a quick journey back.”

While he continues to pack up I excuse myself to venture farther into the cave to relieve myself out of sight.

Lemi follows me, of course. Can’t ever do my business without him there.

When I’m done, feeling a little better, and still elated that my cramps are gone, Andor is packed up and ready to go.

He hands me my pack and I sling it over my shoulder, and then I pick up my swords and slide them into the sheaths at my back.

He straps on his leather pouch around his waist, checking to make sure the vials of suen are all right, then nods.

“Okay. I think we’re ready. Just remember, we’re still in the blooddrage territory.

You saved me once but we can’t depend on that happening again.

I don’t want to put you at risk like that. So let’s move quickly and quietly.”

I nod, though if he thinks that I’m just going to leave him to get eaten by dragons, he’s got another think coming.