Page 44 of Racing Heat

I let the number sink in. He’s sixteen years older than me.

“You’re a whole kid-who-can-drive older than me,” I remark.

He chuckles. “I am.”

“You had a long career. That’s impressive.” He’s been out of the game for about three years now, so he must have gotten injured when he was thirty-five. That’s a long time for a professional athlete to be pro. As we age, our bodies get the best of us and that makes it hard to continue. I wonder when it will be time for my body to say it’s had enough.

“Thank you.” He kicks at a stone in front of him, sending it flying off to the side.

I should look him up and see if there’s game footage of Jase. I’ve seen him punt in practice when he’s working with Hendrix and the other goalies, but I have no idea what he looks like in a game, commanding the field. I bet he brings that commanding presence into everything he does. The thought makes my thighs clench. I wonder what it would feel like to be dominated by him.

“Does it bother you that I’m that much older than you?”

“No,” I tell him confidently. “It doesn’t bother me. I feel like an old soul in some ways, so you being so much older than me doesn’t matter to me.”

“What do you mean an old soul?” He takes a swig of his water, eyeing me carefully.

“I’m not like the other girls my age. I haven’t been in many relationships, but that’s just because I’m looking for someone who wants to connect with me on a deeper level. I want to have those conversations about life and living. I don’t want just another roll in the hay, and to be honest, that’s what this feels like it might be. Frankly, it’s tying me up in knots, and I just want to run.”

I feel like a toddler who just threw a tantrum, which is hardly what someone who considers themselves an old soul would do.

“Are you not up to running today?” I ask him.

He laughs. “Do you not want to continue this conversation?”

“What’s the goal of continuing the conversation? This is different than Mac and Danny. We both work for the team, and they’ll never agree to let us date. There’s no solution where this would ever be okay with anyone.”

“But I don’t coach you.”

“But you are acoach.”

We stare at each other for a beat. “Fine, let’s go on that run.”

“Are you sure you can keep up today? You kind of look like shit. Like you were ridden hard and put away wet.”

He stops and turns to me, laughing out loud. “What’s the matter, Cassie, would you like to be the one who rode me last night?”

I stumble a bit. My feet aren’t working correctly thinking about what it would be like to have been the one to ride him last night. Even though I know that no one else rode him last night. He was too drunk for that and, presumably, he fell asleep right after we got off the phone. Well, passed out is more like it.

“Relax, you don’t have to answer that.” We run in silence for a bit more before he adds, “Why do we have to place some kind of a definition on this? I can tell that you like me, and I likeyou. Why can’t that just be all it is? Why do there have to be definitions and labels placed on everything? What if we just did whatever it is we do and see how far we get?”

“You mean see how far it goes until one of us gets into trouble? Because that’s what it sounds like you’re saying.” It’s my turn to laugh at him. “It sounds like a far dumber plan than what Mac and Danny would have come up with if they were in this position.”

“What position are we in?” he asks me. “Come on, Cas. I want to hear you say it.”

I stop in my tracks. I can’t keep running if I’m going to say this to him. I need to be standing still and on sure footing when I lay it all out there for him.

I sigh. Here goes nothing. “I think we’re attracted to each other. I’ve played it safe my whole life, and now I want to do something bad. I want to do something unexpected.”

“You mean you want to do me?” A wide grin spreads across his face. It’s the first smile I’ve seen from him all morning.

“Yeah, I want to do you,” I reply.

“Alright then. Let’s get back to our run now that we’re past the part where we’re making declarations and shit.”

I nod and we fall into an easy pace of running. I don’t know what comes next, but I decide that we’ve come to some sort of an understanding. We’ll figure the rest out, right?

Chapter Sixteen