Page 19

E mmeline decided to wear her hair down to dinner.

Amanda pulled strands from either side of her face to the back of her head and added pearl pins.

Her long, thick tresses were curled and fell in waves around her shoulders and down her back.

She looked in the mirror over the dressing table and tried to see herself as Andrew saw her.

Her face was unlined and still youthful looking, but the wisdom in her eyes gave her age away.

Her figure was trim but had nice curves in all the right places and an amble bosom.

She’d lost weight when Aiden died and never put it back on.

She believed Andrew saw her as an attractive woman.

Not as fresh and young as the debutantes, but young enough.

And she had one thing they did not—knowledge and experience on how to pleasure a man in the bedroom.

And she honestly couldn’t wait to share a bed with Andrew, to experience lovemaking with him.

Part of her wondered how it would be similar or different to her experience with Aiden, but she couldn’t let her mind dwell on it.

It wasn’t fair to any of them. Aiden was Aiden.

Andrew was Andrew. And she wasn’t the same person in her marriage to Aiden as she was now.

Oh, she was still herself deep down inside but also altered.

How could she not be after going through what she had?

In some ways, Andrew was different as well.

At times, he was more brooding, and at other times, he was more playful and flirting.

However, she could see that something bothered him deeply, though he tried to hide it.

But she could tell no matter what his personality reflected when he was hurting or angry or sad.

Or all of them at once. He sometimes let his guard down, and his eyes became a window into the upheaval inside him.

When that happened, she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him until whatever plagued him relented and released its hold.

She hated him being in turmoil, because she knew all too well what it felt like.

All the emotions she saw cross his features had crossed hers.

Even if she hadn’t given real credence to Andrew’s hurtful words before he went to sea, she still felt partially responsible for Aiden’s death and had the guilt to prove it.

They should not have attended the hunting party, not after the emotional loss of her miscarriage, and she should have insisted they stay home.

Aiden hadn’t taken the loss well. They’d argued over several things leading up to the house party—stupid things.

Sadness, pain, and loss made people say and do things they would regret and apologize for later.

But when it came to her and Aiden, there were no apologies.

There had been no chance. Though she had long since forgiven Aiden for any hurtful words said in his own grief.

But if she genuinely wanted to move forward, she needed to forgive herself, as well.

And forgiveness was an ongoing struggle.

Even months after his accident, she had still been numb all over.

Then, one day, she’d woken up angry at him for getting drunk and racing an unfamiliar horse.

Then another day came, and her heart was pierced in two by guilt, and she wished she could have gone back to the numbness.

Because of the guilt, she simply felt too much.

Emotions had paralyzed her for more months, and she could barely function.

Eventually, she’d found her way to move on, dedicating her time to the Ladies’ Society of Mayfair.

That charity work had saved her sanity and eased the pain in her heart.

Seeing others suffer put her own life in perspective.

And when her cousin’s widow, Lady Langford—or just Lilly, as she’d insisted on being called—came to stay, they helped each other heal even more.

The two of them had braved London Society together.

And now Lilly was married to the new Earl of Langford, her old friend Edmund Weston.

Yesterday was the first time Emmeline and Andrew had been together since Lilly and Langford’s wedding, though they had begun to grow closer before the uproar at Vauxhall.

However, she now needed to convince both Andrew and herself that they deserved happiness and love no matter what had happened in the past. The past was over.

They needed to focus on the future, and she prayed her future was Andrew.

And deep down inside her heart she believed Aiden would be happy for both of them.

“Your hair looks gorgeous,” Amanda said as she stood back.

How long had she been lost in thought? “Thank you.”

Standing in her chemise, Amanda dropped the deep-blue evening gown over her head, tugged it into place, and fastened the pearl buttons.

Amanda tied the sash in a lighter blue behind her back into a perfect bow.

Once her slippers and gloves were on, she wrapped a matching shawl over her shoulders and left her room to go to her mother’s across the hall. She knocked.

“Come in.”

“Mama, are you ready?” Emmeline frowned when she saw her mother in bed, sitting up against pillows with a tray on her lap. “Are you ill?”

“Just a migraine. I’m keeping to my room tonight, but you go and have a wonderful time, and you can tell me about it tomorrow.”

“I can stay with you.”

“No need. Stacy is taking good care of me. She snuck me an early dinner tray, and I plan to sleep off this terrible migraine. I’ll be right as rain tomorrow. Go.” She shooed her with her hand. “Go seduce Blackstone.”

She exhaled loudly. “Mama, please stop saying that. Someone is liable to hear you.”

“Perhaps the duke will, and then come to his senses.”

Emmeline fought not to laugh. She didn’t want to encourage her mother. “Feel better.” She hated leaving her mother alone when she felt unwell, but she knew she needed quiet, darkness, and sleep.

Entering the drawing room, she casually looked around, trying not to be obvious as she sought out Andrew.

And when she found him conversing with several other gentlemen, he nodded in acknowledgment of her arrival.

He looked positively dashing, dressed in a dark brown superfine coat, matching breeches and shiny brown shoes, with a brown and cream paisley waistcoat, cream linen shirt, and cravat.

Butterflies took flight inside her stomach.

The only thing she could think of that would be better than seeing him dressed so handsomely was seeing him unclothed.

Her cheeks warmed at picturing him naked.

Imagining was all she could do since she had never seen him without clothes.

But not for long, she hoped. Perhaps she could convince him to come to her room tonight.

“Care to share why you are blushing a becoming shade of pink?”

The man himself. Startled at being caught visualizing him naked, she flinched. “How did you sneak up on me?”

Chuckling, he replied, “You were lost in thought. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t,” she said, trying to cover her moment of wanton reflection gracefully.

He leaned close, his eyes full of mischief. “If you say so. I’ll ask again, why are you blushing?”

At his question, her cheeks heated even more. “It is not something I wish to share.”

“It must be something private then.”

His dark mood from earlier today had clearly disappeared, and the playful Andrew was here. Well, she could be playful, too. “Oh,” she batted her lashes, “it was very private.”

“You must tell me.” His voice seemed to have suddenly lowered several octaves.

Her inner wanton imagining was quickly rising to the surface. She would think about whatever was coming over her later. “If you must know, I was thinking how dashing you look this evening.”

“And that made you blush so deeply?” he teased.

Leaning very close so no one could hear, her lips touched his hair, and she inhaled his sandalwood scent and whispered, “No. That is only part of my thoughts. The other part was thinking you would look even better... without... clothing.”

His hand flew to his mouth as he smothered a choke, cough, or laughter—she couldn’t tell which. All she knew was that she had shocked him with her honesty.

Taking her hand in his, he hurried them out the double doors to the veranda and the gardens beyond until they reached a private area of the gardens surrounded by shrubbery and flowering plants.

It gave the illusion of being in a magical forest. Facing each other, he had both her hands in his, his thumb stroking where her gloves met skin.

The connection traveled throughout her entire body, and she found herself leaning forward and holding her breath.

“When you see me naked, I pray I don’t disappoint.

” The green in his eyes had gone dark and intense with desire.

And she couldn’t look away as the breath she had been holding escaped her lungs.

“I have pictured you without clothes for the past ten years, and when I do finally get to gaze upon your luscious, naked body...” His voice cut off for a moment.

“I will be the most fortunate man alive...” His voice cracked, and she could see him struggling with emotions.

“I will treat your body with reverence. Worshiping it and licking every single inch of your skin. When I finish, I will know your body better than you or anyone else.”

His words had her heart pounding and heat flaring between her legs. There wasn’t a speck of her body that didn’t tremble in anticipation of his words. Desire awoke deep inside her belly, craving his touch. “Come to my room tonight,” she said before she lost her nerve.

One masculine brow rose in silent question to her statement. “I will do my best not to be seen, but even the best-laid plans can go wrong. If I’m seen, people will talk and gossip.”