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“She is well. Busy with her five children, three sons and two daughters, and living at their country estate. We correspond, but I haven’t seen her in several years.

” A sadness fell over Emmeline as she missed her onetime closest friend.

Thankfully, she had Lilly now. And to be honest, she and Lilly were closer than she and Catherine ever had been.

Not to belittle the friendship she and Catherine had shared, it was just that it was different with Lilly.

They had been living together for nine months and doing everything together.

And they understood each other on a deeper level as only widows could.

Blackstone chuckled, “Appleton has his heir and then some.”

“Now that you have inherited the dukedom, are you looking for a wife to settle down and produce heirs with?” Heat kissed her cheeks, and she wished she could take back her words.

She had been so reserved the past six years.

What possessed her to speak her mind now?

But deep down, she wanted to know if he was looking for a wife and if she could be that person.

Or, her heart constricted, did he have his future duchess already picked out?

Coughing into his hand, Blackstone muttered, “Warn a man before you ask something so personal. As for your answer, eventually. But right now, I’m getting acclimated to my new role and all it entails. Marriage can wait.”

Based on his answer, she didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. Perhaps trying to get Blackstone to fall in love with her was futile. There were too many layers to break through. Anger. Blame. Forgiveness.

“Don’t look now, but here comes Lady Langford. She looks upset.”

“Can we leave now?” Lilly asked, her face red and her body trembling.

“Yes. We need to get my mother.”

The carriage ride home was silent. Emmeline worried about Lilly, who looked like she could cast up her accounts at any moment. She stayed quiet, knowing Lilly would share in her own time. In the meantime, all she could do was be there for her.

Once they arrived home, the three ladies ascended the stairs to their chambers. After Emmeline was dressed for bed, she found she couldn’t sleep and went to Lilly’s room. She knocked on the door and whispered, “Lilly. Are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad,” she said as she entered the room and crawled onto the bed.

They talked for an hour about the Westports’ ball before they were both yawning and Emmeline left.

She climbed beneath the coverlet and closed her eyes, emotionally and physically exhausted, but that didn’t stop Blackstone’s face from appearing.

It had been two weeks since Emmeline’s first ball where she had met Aiden and Andrew.

Her heart fluttered for each. She’d experienced her first kiss with Aiden, while Andrew was more reserved.

Or perhaps afraid to compromise her and cause a scandal.

She dreamed of both men, which confused her.

Her heart was fickle, and she wanted both of them.

Her mind and body were just as bad. Experiencing desire was something new.

Several times, she touched herself, wishing it were Aiden’s or Andrew’s hands on her body.

Her wanton behavior shocked and embarrassed her.

Why did she have all these feelings and desires for both of them?

Why couldn’t she love one? Because no matter what happened, she could only marry one.

Her heart cracked down the middle, protesting her thoughts.

If only she could get her heart to choose.

But it refused, and she knew whatever the future held, she would have to live with a broken heart and love with only half of it.

*

Andrew rode his gelding, Storm. He had sold Merlin after Aiden’s accident—the poor beast reminded him too much of that tragic day.

Storm had been birthed during a terrible thunderstorm, hence the name.

Beside him was Langford as they made their way to Emmeline’s townhouse to pay a visit during proper calling hours.

Emmeline should have received a hothouse bouquet from him that morning, and he wondered what she thought of it.

The flower choice was difficult for him, but he chose white roses in the end.

When it came to Emmeline, his feelings ran the gamut.

And until he understood them for what they were, he couldn’t move forward with his life.

He could not pursue another lady if his long-ago love for Emmeline still existed.

It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Especially after seeing the way she’d looked at him last night.

Several times, he’d glimpsed love, desire, and vulnerability in her beautiful blue eyes.

Eyes he could get lost in, and he had many times in the past.

When he’d accused her all those years ago of possibly being the reason Aiden was unhappy and inebriated, he hadn’t meant it.

He was the sole reason Aiden was dead. He’d always known that.

The guilt of it had nearly ruined his life, but fortunately, he had eventually channeled it into positive work with Weston and Caldwell, and it had paid off.

The three of them had amassed a pile of wealth.

Though there were still times he was haunted by the accident and slipped up in drinking too much.

However, he never gambled anymore and never would again.

One of these days, he would have to admit to Emmeline that he had killed Aiden. Every muscle in his body tensed at the thought. What if she hated him after she found out the truth? Could he risk it? His conscience demanded that he tell her. It was only a matter of when.

“Why so serious all of a sudden?” Langford asked as they arrived at the mews behind Emmeline’s townhouse and handed off the reins to a stable hand.

Andrew dismounted and handed over Storm’s reins. “No reason.”

Laughter coming from Langford surprised him. “I know you better than you think. Emmeline’s getting to you.”

“True, I’ll admit it. Seeing her again resurrected feelings I’d buried and can no longer ignore now that I’m back in London to stay.” He looked at Langford. “Why have you come? To grovel at Lady Langford’s feet after nearly accosting her?”

Langford huffed, “Christ, you make it sound terrible. “I tried to kiss her last night, nothing more. But yes, I sent Lilly flowers to apologize for my behavior.”

“I wish you well.” He also wished himself well.

After they were announced, Andrew sat in a chair directly opposite Emmeline.

Without being obvious, he drank in her beauty.

The pink of her gown highlighted her rosy cheekbones.

Her dark hair was half up and half down, and how he wished he could run his fingers through the silky tresses as he’d done once before.

Her pink lips were full and made for kissing—something he always regretted never doing.

He’d never tasted her lips, tangled with her tongue, or felt the soft skin of her throat with his lips.

Thankfully, he held his hat in his hands on his lap. Otherwise, she would have a direct view of his erection. Tight riding breeches hid nothing.

Another gentleman was announced, the Marquess of Hollingsworth, and Andrew glared at him. He was an affable fellow, but Andrew was afraid he was here for Emmeline. How did one ask without appearing rude or jealous?

By the time they said farewell and left, Andrew felt worse than when he had arrived. The three men walked to the mews together in silence. Andrew and Langford rode to Hyde Park only to have Hollingsworth show up there as well.

“May I join you?” Hollingsworth asked.

“Only if you tell us which lady you are interested in,” Langford said, echoing the sentiment Andrew felt, though he suspected his friend’s mind was more on Lady Langford.

Hollingsworth had the nerve to chuckle, “Perhaps I was merely paying a social call with no ulterior motive.”

“If we weren’t in public . . .” Andrew threatened.

“If you must know, I called upon the countess. And please tell me you both are not vying for Mrs. Fitzpatrick’s favors. We don’t need history repeating itself.”

“No.” Andrew said, and his entire body relaxed. At least if he messed this up, he had no competition he knew of. Yet.

*

The following month had its ups and downs. There was little time to get Emmeline alone to request to court her properly. The countess kept close by her side at all times. That and Andrew didn’t really push the issue. He was stalling, which was a terrible trait he had recently acquired.

Then one night when Langford had had business in St. Giles, he’d been run over and pinned beneath a carriage wheel, and it was the countess and Emmeline who had come to his rescue.

Both Emmeline and Lilly belonged to the Ladies’ Society of Mayfair, a charity that supplied the citizens of St. Giles and other surrounding areas with medicine, clothing, and food.

By chance they were in St. Giles making a delivery when they came upon the accident. Andrew was thankful they were there. Otherwise, Langford might have died. He recovered at Emmeline’s townhouse for several weeks, and the friends spent time watching over him.

During the time Langford convalesced, Lilly was also being courted by Viscount Redford, and Andrew invited Emmeline, Viscount Redford, and Lilly to Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens for a night of dancing.

Andrew had the whole night planned. Stalling be damned, he would dance with Emmeline, and hopefully sneak off with her to the private gardens to steal a kiss or two.

The first part went to plan—they did dance and they did go into the private gardens. Andrew had even pulled Emmeline into his arms. But just as he leaned down to kiss her, they were interrupted. They had still never shared a kiss, and he hoped to remedy that soon.