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RILEY

I love watching hockey. It will always hold a place in my heart because it’s something I shared with my dad growing up. His enthusiasm and willingness to have me tag along were highlights of my childhood. But watching tonight’s game was hard. I knew Jacob, Hayes, and Shawn were going into the game with the weight of the exposure of our relationship resting on their shoulders. I knew the opposing team could raise it to incite trouble.

They played well, despite the off-ice dramas, but watching Jacob throwdown and fight and worrying that it’s because of our relationship was so hard, I spent an hour after the game coming up with ways to tell them it’s over. They need to go their way. They can’t sacrifice everything they’ve been working toward for a relationship they’ll leave behind in a few months.

But every time I tried to formulate the words, tears would gather in my eyes and plop onto my cheeks, and I’d have to swipe them away and stare at the ceiling, blinking.

I don’t want to let them go. Ever. I could never have anticipated how special they are and how happy, fulfilled and content they make me.

For a long time, it was just me and my dad, and I’d look at other people’s families and be jealous of the fun and camaraderie. Now, I have that every day, so much so that I can’t imagine being without it.

And even though my dad has some concerns, it’s not because he doesn’t trust the Draytons. Not really. He knows those men because of the boys they used to be. It’s just the unconventional setup that he wanted reassurance about, and they succeeded in making him believe that they’re serious and will protect me from anything coming our way.

Sitting in their den, waiting for them to return home is strange. I tidied up a little and made sandwiches and snacks knowing they’d be hungry from the game.

The sound of the key in the lock sends a jolt of nervous energy through me as my heart thuds against my ribs. The door swings open, and they enter their home noisily, making a beeline for the den where they know I’ll be. The TV’s playing a teen movie I’ve been mostly ignoring, and the lights are dim, so when Hayes sticks his head in the door, he blinks a couple of times and sweeps his intense sapphire eyes across the room, searching for me.

The smile he gives me is so warm and steady, it makes the emotions I swallowed rise up until they swamp me with happiness. Shawn follows, his ever-present smirk magnetic as he shucks off his coat and tosses it onto a chair. And then there’s Jacob, bringing up the rear, his broad shoulders hunched, his jaw tight, and his lids lowered until he realizes the room is dark and he can blink and open his eyes. His skin looks gray like he’s sickening, and I squint at him, concerned, as he forces a smile.

“Well done,” I say. “That was a game to remember.”

“It was,” Jacob says, but his tone is clipped.

Hayes crosses the room in three long strides and picks me up, cradling me in his arms like a toddler who needs to be put straight to bed. He kisses me hard at first, then soft and teasing, melting me against him.

“Hang on,” I tell him, laughing. “I made snacks. Food first, then you can pet the kitty.”

“How about we save the food for a post-fuck snack?” Shawn says, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Where’s the romance, dude? The kiss and the ‘I missed you, baby’?”

Shawn scowls at Hayes but then approaches me for a gentle kiss. “I’m so sorry,” he says again. “For going all caveman and exposing your filthy sex life to the world.”

I snort with shocked laughter as Hayes mutters expletives.

Still held in Hayes’ arms, I crane my head for Jacob. He’s hanging back, his hands in his pockets, seemingly lost in thought.

“Aren’t you tired and hungry?” I ask. “Jacob looks as though he’s hanging by a thread.”

“Headache,” he says, pulling his hands from his pockets to rub his face, then flopping onto the couch with an old man-noise of relief.

“To the kitchen,” I say loudly, pointing in the direction, making Hayes laugh. He does as I request, and I kiss his neck, inhaling his fresh scent, marveling at the easy way he carries me and the happiness pouring from him after going through such a challenging time.

He moans appreciatively at the sight of the prepared food and lowers me to the floor so I can carry two of the platters into the den, resting them on the table in front of Jacob and Shawn.

Hayes settles into a chair, and I sit cross-legged on a pillow, watching as he tucks into the food. Shawn is ravenous, but Jacob remains tightlipped with his eyes closed, the deep furrow between his brows the only sign that he’s suffering rather than sleeping. His constant headaches are worrying me, but Hayes has assured me that he’ll bring it up, rather than me risking getting bitten on the ass for delivering an unwelcome message. If nothing else, Jacob needs to talk to a doctor.

“So, what happened with Aubert?”

“Mouthing off as usual,” Shawn says, but the way he looks at Jacob confirms it was something they don’t want to share.

“What did your dad say when we left?” Hayes asks.

“He said you’re all very tall.”

Shawn, halfway through a mouthful of wrap, grins and speaks through the side of his mouth. “So, he’s impressed with our tallness.”

“And your mature approach. I think he expected you all to skulk away at the first sign of trouble or put your careers before my feelings.”

“He liked it when I called him sir, didn’t he?” Jacob says, startling us.

“Yeah. That was his favorite part. You sure you don’t want to eat, Jay? It might do you some good to put something in your stomach.”

He moves his head so gingerly from side to side that it barely registers as a no. He must really be bad.

I scramble to my feet and approach the sofa, sitting slightly away from him. “You can rest your head in my lap, honey,” I tell him.

He cracks one eye, struggling to focus on me, with so much pain in his expression that I want to do anything to take it away. He lowers himself gingerly, curling onto his side so his head rests on my thigh. Even lying down causes him pain.

His freshly washed dirty blond hair conceals his face from this angle, his head heavy and his breathing ragged. I first touch just behind his ear, where the hair is short and soft, stroking gently. He sighs, and his arm wraps around my knee, holding me like I’m the only anchor in a storm. I smooth the tips of my fingers over his scalp and then my nails, and his body trembles.

The tears I fought so hard not to shed swell, and even though I swallow frantically, trying to push them away, they spill anyway. This man. This strong, capable, fierce man is so broken, and I don’t know how to help. This isn’t enough, but it’s all I have. I look up, finding Shawn and Hayes watching with tenderness in their eyes. I have to look away because it’s too much.

My heart aches for how much Jacob is carrying every day through the pain. The expectations of the school, the fans, and most heavily, his own. It’s not sustainable to push through over and over. There has to come a time when a body breaks, like his dad’s.

The journal entries that Hayes described haunt me, and as much as Jacob would hate to ever admit it, he’s the one most like Carl when it comes to covering up pain and pretending that everything is okay.

Jacob’s breathing slows, his head heavy in my lap, and he sighs as sleep pulls him under. My fingers continue their slow, gentle movements through his hair, even though I’m sure he’s completely out. His face is softer like this, all the tension smoothed away, and he’s suddenly younger, the little kid with serious eyes who never seemed to be happy. I trace the scar on his eyebrow, wondering how old he was when he was injured and who wiped away the blood and bandaged it up.

Hayes shifts in his chair, dropping his head to one side. “You’re good for him, you know,” he says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

I glance down at Jacob, my hand stilling for a moment. “I hope so. Sometimes it’s like... like it’s not enough.”

“You’re helping,” Hayes assures me. “Just by being here. He doesn’t let many people see him this way but with you...” He shakes his head, a faint smile playing on his lips. “It’s different.”

I meet his gaze, and the intensity of his words makes my chest tighten.

“I’m going to have to talk to my team tomorrow,” I say after a long silence.

“We’ll back you up, whatever you need.”

“It’s not that simple,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want them to think I can’t do my job, that I’m just some distraction in your lives and a complication to the team.”

“You’re not a distraction,” Hayes says firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Shawn nods in agreement. “If anything, you’re the glue holding this whole mess together. Without you, we’d probably be tearing each other apart.”

I laugh breathily, conscious of Jacob’s sleeping form. “I just don’t want to lose everything I’ve worked for. My internship, my reputation...”

“You won’t lose it,” Hayes says, his voice steady. “You’re too damn good at what you do. Anyone who can’t see that is an idiot.”

Shawn smirks. “And if they try to mess with you, we’ll just remind them who they’re dealing with.”

“Yeah,” I say, smiling despite myself. “That’s not intimidating at all.”

***

Eventually, Hayes moves to the couch, and Shawn stretches out on the chair. We find another comedy special to watch, and I try my hardest not to laugh too hard for fear of waking Jacob. I stroke his head, hoping that it’s releasing some of his tension and pain, even in his sleep. Surrounded by my men, the outside world is far away, and all the reasons I could think of to end the relationship slip away. No one but me is living my life, and why should we care what a bunch of jealous online trolls think of our love? As the night wears on, I find myself watching each of them, my heart full despite the weight of everything we’re facing.