Page 15
Story: Pucking Huge (Huge)
ICING THE CAKE - THE HOCKEY CHANNEL WITH A SWEET BITE
[Video starts with the host sitting at her kitchen counter (visible from the neck down), holding a hockey puck in one hand and a rolling pin in the other.]
Anonymous Host:
“Hey there, cake fanatics and puck lovers! Welcome back to Icing the Cake , the show where we mix hockey, baking, and all the tea you can handle. Today, we’re talking about keeping it in the family . No, not in a ‘royalty marrying their cousins’ way—although, hockey royalty might come close.”
[She points the puck at the camera, leaning in conspiratorially.]
Anonymous Host:
“You ever notice how hockey seems to be a family affair? I could reel off a whole bunch of names spanning generations, and some scored onto the mug twenty-five years apart. It’s like someone handed out Hockey Starter Packs to certain gene pools and told the rest of us to sit tight. And honestly? It makes sense. You grow up in a house full of sticks, skates, and endless reruns of game tape, and you’re bound to either become a pro or never want to see ice again. The Draytons are one example of this. A famous father and three sons hellbent on trying to prove themselves.”
[She picks up a mixing bowl and slices butter into it.]
Anonymous Host:
“But let’s get to the juicy part. What happens when hockey bros take the whole shared interests thing to sharing women? I’m talking about the Hockey Bro Ex-Girlfriend Pipeline. It’s as predictable as a power play: one guy dates her, they break up, and suddenly, she’s sitting in another guy’s family section, cheering for someone else with the same jersey. One man’s first round pick becomes another’s second, third, or even seventh!”
[She gestures dramatically, whipping the batter.]
Anonymous Host:
“Look, I’m not judging anyone’s love life. You date who you want. But you have to wonder, why are hockey guys so into this? Is it convenient? A weird sense of competition? Or are they just that bad at meeting new people? Like, you’re telling me a dude who spends half the year traveling to major cities can’t swipe right on someone who isn’t his linemate’s ex? Or worse, his brother’s! Come on.”
[Cut to her holding a tray of unbaked cookies shaped like puzzle pieces.]
Anonymous Host:
“And that brings me to today’s bake: ‘Puzzle Piece Cookies’ . Because clearly, these hockey guys think every woman is just a piece in their little relationship game—one that conveniently snaps into place wherever it’s needed. Sweet, buttery, and full of drama.”
[She starts icing the cookies, some with names like “Jake” and “Brody,” others with “Candy” and” Brandy”, and some with question marks.]
Anonymous Host:
“These cookies are a perfect metaphor. They look cute and harmless, but once you see how they all fit together, you realize the whole system’s a little… too connected. Just like the hockey dating scene.”
[She pauses, icing another cookie.]
Anonymous Host:
“Now, I get it. Hockey players share a bond. They go through battles together and live and breathe the same sport. Maybe it feels natural to extend that bond to other areas, but here’s a wild thought! Instead of sharing girlfriends like they’re spare sticks, maybe try branching out? Expand your horizons and date someone who doesn’t know what ‘offsides’ means. It might be refreshing.”
[She holds up a finished puzzle piece cookie with a bold red X piped over it.]
Anonymous Host:
“And for the ladies? Let’s stop letting these guys turn you into collectibles. You’re not a hockey card to be traded between teammates. If they can’t learn to keep their sticks out of each other’s lanes, maybe it’s time to bench ‘em. So there you have it. Family bonds are great—on the ice. But off the ice? Maybe it’s time to stop treating love lives like team drills. Until next time, keep it sweet, keep it sassy, and remember, no one belongs to anyone, even if you’re wearing the same jersey.”
[Video ends with her arranging the puzzle piece cookies into a chaotic, mismatched mess on a plate, the logo for Icing the Cake appearing in the corner.]
Comments:
@PuckAddict29: “THE PUZZLE PIECE COOKIES?? I’m SCREAMING. Also, why is everything you say about hockey bros 100% true? ”
@HockeyMomForever: “Not me sitting here thinking about how my son’s team already has this problem. They’re TEN.”
@SkateOrDie96: “‘One man’s first round pick becomes another’s seventh.’ I’m DEAD. Also, can we talk about how real this is? Hockey bros love recycling girlfriends like it’s going out of style.”
@IcingQueen88: “I feel so called out. Dated two guys from the same team in college. They 100% knew and still fist-bumped over it. Never again. ”
@StickAndBake: “You’re not a hockey card to be traded between teammates’ might be the best quote of the century. Put it on a T-shirt.”
@GoalieGloveGirl: “Shawn Drayton is quaking somewhere right now. But for real, THANK YOU for saying this. The dating drama is exhausting!”
@BrodyFan13: “I live for the subtle Drayton shade.”
@HockeyChick21: “Wait, is this why hockey players always end up with their buddy’s ex? Because they’re too lazy to swipe on Tinder?? ICONIC take. ”
@BenchWarmerBabe: “RIP to the players watching this and realizing they’ve just been EXPOSED. Icing the Cake remains undefeated.”
@PuckLife69: “Okay but who’s brave enough to tag their ex in this post? Asking for a friend. ”
@HockeyDad420: “As a hockey dad, I feel attacked. But also, I’m making these cookies for the team potluck. Thanks for the inspo!”
@FanGirlGoals: “‘Keep their sticks out of each other’s lanes’ took me OUT. Sis did not come to play, she came to SCORE.”
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