Page 11

Aliya

A TIDAL WAVE OF CONFLICTING , confusing emotions crashed over me after Tannin ran off.

Our kiss was amazing! Not that I had much to compare it to. I’d never been kissed before, other than chaste pecks on the cheek or forehead from my parents. They’d died before arranging my marriage to a neighboring prince, and I’d been protected from the men in the kingdom even before then.

But I couldn’t imagine anything better!

His lips were so soft, his mouth hot and demanding. And when he pushed his tongue between my lips—I didn’t even know one could kiss like that! Incredible! My lips still tingled from the delightfully rough treatment, and I unconsciously lifted my hand and ran my fingertip lightly over my bottom lip.

But he’d run off so quickly afterward. Perhaps he didn’t feel the same way? Maybe I was a bad kisser. What if my breath offended him?

I cupped my hand in front of my mouth and exhaled into it, then sniffed. Nope. That wasn’t it. At least, I didn’t detect a foul odor. If anything, my breath smelled kind of sweet.

Maybe I went too far by reaching for the bulge between his legs? That was when he stopped everything. He’d seemed shocked or possibly scared, maybe. I didn’t know.

I hadn’t meant to do it. In the heat of our kissing, my body had acted on instinct. My hand had a mind of its own, seeming to know what to do when I consciously didn’t. And, oh, the thrill that spiked inside me when I pressed my palm against the proof of his desire!

But he’d shoved me away. Clearly, he didn’t feel the same excitement and longing I felt for him. He stumbled away from me like I might hurt him, then ran off without a word of explanation.

And now I felt rejected, na?ve, and filled with self-doubt and confusion. I used to think of myself as beautiful. The castle staff and villagers in the streets would comment on my beauty often.

“Your hair glistens like warm honey.”

“Your eyes shine like sun-kissed amber.”

“Your skin is as smooth as alabaster and as creamy as milk.”

Perhaps they only said those things because I was their princess, and they felt they had to flatter me. Maybe in reality I was average, plain, undesirable.

With a heavy heart, I finished making the sandwiches Tannin had started. Though my appetite had thoroughly vanished, I still felt weak and lightheaded, and I knew I had to eat something to regain my strength and energy.

I carried my lunch to the island counter and forced myself to eat it while my thoughts churned over and over. I didn’t really know how to be intentionally alluring. Attention had never been something I was deprived of, not before the plague.

It didn’t make sense that it was only about beauty. There were women in the village who weren’t particularly pretty that had still commanded the attention of men and had arranged fine marriages for themselves with men above their stations.

Those women were intelligent, confident, bold. They knew what they wanted, and they took it. It seemed that men respected that quality in women. Confidence.

I was going about this all wrong. I’d been playing the sweet, na?ve princess—which, okay, I was—but that hadn’t gotten me anywhere. It was time I stepped into the role I was born for—the bold, unwavering queen. It was time I took the things I wanted.

And, really, how hard could it be? They said they were both mate-bonded to me. I didn’t know much about that, but I knew what I felt. This powerful, insatiable urge to be with both men. To touch them, to kiss them, to melt into them. They had to feel the same, or they wouldn’t have fought over me.

Hmmm... maybe that was why Tannin had pushed away from me—he’d lost the fight. He wanted me, but he felt like he had to step aside because of some weird black wolf politics.

And if he lost, that could only mean Jax won.

And Jax was the Alpha. Tannin would side with whatever Jax said. I didn’t have to seduce both, just Jax.

I swooned at that notion, squeezing my thighs together.

With that in mind, I quickly ate the rest of my sandwich and guzzled down another glass of water. With my belly full, I felt much better, and I was ready to wield my feminine power.

I swept upstairs to prepare myself. I had to make myself irresistible, make it impossible for him to refuse what I was offering. And this dress, as flattering as it was to my body, wasn’t going to cut it.

Quickly rinsing off in the bath again, I then rubbed sweet smelling oils over my skin and teased it through my hair. Then I went through the dowry chest my mother had presented me with on my eighteenth birthday when she and Papa were beginning the process of finding me a suitable husband.

Hard to believe that was three years ago, just before the plague set in. I still remembered so vividly the day she had shown me everything that was inside. That was the occasion I first felt like a woman, and it had been such a special moment between us.

But right now, I wasn’t interested in the gold bars and extravagant jewelry, nor the immaculate wedding dress and sparkly satin high-heeled slippers.

I only cared about the sexy lace negligee. It had been made for my future wedding night, but seeing as I was likely never getting married, and this was the sexiest item of clothing I had, it was perfect for what I had in mind.

Carefully, I hooked my fingers through the thin straps and pulled it from the chest, admiring it as I held it aloft.

It was pale, baby pink, and so thin I could see right through it. Scalloping lined the plunging neckline, midsection and the hem of the flowy skirt. It was so beautiful, the color complimenting my peachy skin.

But could I really wear this? Every inch of my body would be on full display, leaving little to the imagination. Blush heated my skin all over, and I once again felt foolish. What was I doing?

Nevertheless, I lifted it over my head and pulled it down, gingerly slipping my arms through the straps.

If it looks ridiculous, I’ll just take it off. It probably will. The other dress will be fine. No big deal.

I looked down at myself, smoothing the soft material over my torso. It felt like I wasn’t wearing anything at all, and that only made my skin burn hotter.

Holding my breath, I turned around and faced my full-length mirror.

And I just stared at myself for a long moment.

I didn’t look silly or ridiculous. Not even close. I looked stunning. I looked like my mother. Strong. Beautiful. Commanding.

The timid, frightened girl I’d become since her death was nowhere in sight, and I could hardly recognize the woman looking back at me in my reflection.

There was no way Jax wouldn’t become putty in my hands when he saw me. And once I had him wrapped around my delicate little finger, I’d lure him and his beta out into the forest and banish them from my castle—and my heart—forever.

The woman in the mirror frowned sadly as my heart squeezed.

“It has to be done,” I told myself. “They are the ancient enemies of my kingdom, and I owe it to everyone who died to remove their presence. I can’t let my selfish desires tarnish the history of Varinya.”

I forced my features smooth, straightened my shoulders and held my head high. Then I turned around and headed for the door.

The hall was empty, and both their doors were closed. I couldn’t even be sure Jax was in his room. What if he was out wandering the castle and this was all for nothing? I really should’ve planned this better.

But something told me he was beyond that door. Not just my intuition, but something deeper. Was it our mate bond? Did I even have one of them, since I wasn’t a wolf?

If I closed my eyes, I could feel a tug pulling me in that direction, like an invisible rope connecting us. I could sense Tannin too, in the other room. It was a magical realization. And one that gave me pause.

Maybe I shouldn’t do this.

“No, I have to,” I whispered.

But not only that. I wanted to. This might be my only chance to know true intimacy. And even if it was for deceitful purposes, I desperately wanted to experience that intimacy with Jax. I needed to know him that way, just once, before I let him go forever.

So I padded across the hall and stopped in front of his door. I took a vitalizing breath, lifted my hand, and tapped my knuckles softly against the door.

Now was the moment of truth. And I was both heart-poundingly excited and utterly terrified.