Page 17 of Promise Yule Be Mine (Christmas Falls: Season 2)

17

KODY

" C ome on, Cookie. Do your poo please!" Nikita begged and I rolled my eyes at my brother. "What? It's freaking freezing, dude."

"I'm well aware," I said. "But you know that's not their cue to go."

Nikita gasped as if this was brand-new information. It wasn't. Not that he'd admit ever paying attention when I spoke.

"Then use their cue so we can go back inside."

"The cue is only for emergencies." I shrugged and continued walking with a smirk on my face.

"But it is an emergency," Nikita groaned. "My balls are frozen solid."

"I think that constitutes justice served, not an emergency."

Nikita punched my arm and I faked a cry.

"Why? What have I done to deserve punishment by way of frozen balls?"

"I don't know. You breathe?"

He punched me again, only this time I retaliated and we went at each other until Niki begged for mercy.

Milk and Cookie stared at us with indignance before they resumed trotting around like little princesses.

"Did you guys sort out the cake fiasco?"

"Yeah. It's all good," I said, thinking back to yesterday and our meeting with Joel.

I hated it. I hated every moment because all I could think was how great it would be if Nova was the one I was marrying. How great it'd be if we were picking the flavors for our wedding cake.

But it wasn't. And it killed me a little more each day.

"And everything else is okay?" Niki asked.

"Yeah. Yeah. It should be."

"And you haven't changed your mind?"

"Why would I change my mind about marrying Nova?"

"Nova?" Niki raised an eyebrow. "Did something change and nobody informed me?"

And that was when I realized what I'd said.

"I meant Jenna."

"Sure you did," he mocked me.

"Shut up." I shoved him back and took bigger steps as if distance could erase what I'd just said.

"Hey! Don't be so broody. It doesn't suit you."

"I'm not," I grumbled.

"Really? Tell that to your face."

I huffed and Niki put his hands to his hips. "What's going on Kody? Why are you acting weird all of a sudden?"

"I'm not," I insisted.

"So you're trying to tell me that was just a slip-up?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want to marry Nova?"

"No!"

"And you still want to go ahead with Jenna?"

"Yes!" I shouted and even the dogs turned to stare. "Yes, Niki. I still want to go ahead with Jenna. I still want to marry her and have a family with her. I still want to give up on love. I don't want to be with Nova or spend the rest of my life with him, or another second even if it kills me not being with him as much as it kills me being with him and not being able to do anything about it! Happy?"

I was breathless when I finished. Breathless and a little colder than I’d been before.

"Feeling better?" Niki put his hand on my back and rubbed between my shoulder blades.

I shook my head and before I knew it Niki wrapped his arms around me and I broke down.

I broke apart.

"What's going on, Kody? What's going on in that head of yours? Because from where I'm standing it's clear you like Nova. Why are you still putting up this charade?"

"Because…so what if I like him? You know my dating record."

"So? Just because you've had your heart hurt in the past it doesn't mean you will in the future. And if you like Nova?—"

"Okay, and what do you suggest, Niki? I break this whole wedding off, I disappoint Jenna and turn to Nova to tell him I want to be with him?"

"Why not?"

"Because what if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't want the same thing? In fact, I know he doesn't."

Niki frowned. "Really? That's not what I see from where I'm standing."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the way that man looks at you is what rom-coms are made of."

"Pfft," was all I managed.

"Oh really? Then why do you think I stopped trying to hit on him? Because he barely registered my existence at the Parade of Lights, and was hooked on you the whole time."

I studied my brother's face, looking for the shit-eating grin, the smirk, or just the glimmer in his bespectacled eyes, but none of it appeared.

Was he telling the truth? Did Nova like me too? Was it not all in my head?

I sighed. "What does it matter? I'm still getting married to Jenna. I can’t do anything about it."

Niki groaned. "Oh my God! You're obsessed. Jenna is your best friend not your actual fiancée. I thought you made this decision because neither of your love lives were going anywhere."

"We did," I said.

"Well, now you met someone you really care about. What's the point of going ahead with this fake marriage?"

Oh, how I wished I could listen to him. How I wished I could act on my feelings, reason be damned, but…

"I made a promise to her."

Nikita grabbed my face and forced me to stare at him. "What about the promise to yourself? What about your happiness? Don't just do this because Jenna is a hot mess who can't get her life in order. What if Nova is your one true love? What if he's the one? Are you willing to lose him so you don't disappoint Jenna? Don't you think she as your best friend would want what's best for you? Don't you owe it to yourself to find out if there's something there before you entrap yourself into a loveless marriage?"

I stared at my brother, trying to find any holes in his reasoning. Trying to find any faults. But at that moment, I couldn't. I couldn't find anything wrong with what he said.

Except for one thing.

"But…what if I give it all up for him and he doesn't like what's left of me?"

Niki's face softened and he tilted his head to the side. "Well, Kody, that's the risk we all take with love. But you know what they say. No risk, no reward."

Right.

So it was either moving ahead with the plan and living with the constant what-if in my head, or setting it all on fire for a man who may not like what was inside.

Whoever invented love was a cruel, cruel person.