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13

SAWYER

T he weekend passes in a blazing fire of “for fuck’s sake.”

When I wake on Saturday morning, Ash isn’t in our dorm room. At first, I’m not worried and I spend more time wondering what Jamie’s doing than where Ash ended up crashing. But I’m upset Ash and I somehow forgot to exchange numbers because I want to text her. I search for her on social media. All I find is a photogram account I think is hers, but it’s set to private, so I can’t DM. I send a follow request and tell myself she’s fine.

On Saturday, I spend most of my time thinking about Jamie and hoping he’ll text. I study in the library as an excuse to walk around campus. Whenever possible, I take the paths near the athletic training center. I’m hoping to bump into the rowing team on their way to practice, but I don’t.

When Ash doesn’t sleep in the dorm on Saturday or Sunday, my mind starts to spiral in dark directions. The last time I saw her she was heading to a bar alone. Is she okay? Or has something sinister happened to her?

On Sunday, I take the bus to Jamie’s neighborhood and walk to his house. No one’s home, so I leave a note in the mailbox.

Either he doesn’t find it or he’s decided to ignore it because neither he nor Ash bothers to text on Sunday or Monday. Finally, early on Tuesday morning, I go to campus police, sweating and freaking out, to tell them I’m worried about my roommate. Because the campus had a problem with kidnapping-murder events in the past, campus police takes any mention of a missing girl very seriously.

They have me wait in a lounge area while they make calls, offering me decent coffee that almost rivals what we have in Central Dorm.

Within ten minutes, my phone’s ringing from an unknown number.

I answer immediately. “Hello?”

“Seesaw, what are you doing?” Ash says with a laugh.

I exhale, falling into a chair near a window. “I’m losing my freaking mind. It’s been three days. Where have you been?”

“Coins.”

“What?”

“I’m in Coynston, Massachusetts. Family stuff and work.” There are high-pitched children’s voices yelling in the background, presumably playing.

“You work in another city? While school’s in session? Why? And, for fuck’s sake, why didn’t you or Jamie text to tell me that?”

“Jamie? Why would he text?”

I fall silent.

“Did you text him?”

When I answer, my voice is slightly bitter. “I don’t have his number, so no.” Chewing on the corner of my mouth, I shake my head at myself.

Ash must be walking away from the kids because their voices fade and then disappear. “If you didn’t text, how would he know to text you about where I am?”

“Just forget it. I’ve gotta go.”

“Hey,” she says, her voice becoming serious. “Did you go back to his place?” When I’m silent, she curses. “Aw, Sawyer, come on.” She huffs out a sigh. “I should never have taken you over there. I didn’t think you’d—never mind. Look, I’m sure when you went there on Friday he warned you not to visit uninvited, but apparently that wasn’t enough, so I’m telling you. Do not go over there unannounced.”

A flash fire of anger lights up my brain. “Right. Glad you’re all right. From now on, I’m out.” Without waiting, I tap to end the call.

I feel like an idiot. Free-spirit Ash doesn’t live the way the rest of us do, so I shouldn’t have panicked about her disappearance these past three days, but hello … menacing guys are chasing her.

I’m also angry at Jamie for not getting in touch. We slept together four days ago. He promised he’d text. Even if he got busy over the weekend and was planning to reach out later in the week, when I left a handwritten note two days ago, begging him to at least let me know Ash was all right, someone should’ve put me out of my misery.

Walking out of the lounge, I stop by the campus police’s front desk.

“She’s fine,” I say to the officers who were helping me. An embarrassing flush burns my cheeks. “Sorry I bothered you.”

The police guys look sympathetic. “It’s not a problem. We’d always rather have a false alarm than not get notified until it’s too late.”

“Thanks.” I hold up a hand in a half wave as I exit the office.

Outside, sunlight blasts my retinas, blinding me. Worry kept me from sleeping well the past couple of nights, and now my head throbs. I fumble through my backpack for my sunglasses. Once I shove them on, I sigh heavily.

Deep down though, I don’t feel calm and I don’t understand why that is. I desperately wanted Ash to be all right, and she is. If anything had happened to her, I would’ve felt sickeningly guilty for waiting so long to report her missing. Knowing she’s okay should make me ecstatic.

A niggling irritation is like pinpricks into my eyeballs. I realize it’s because I haven’t recovered from feeling alone and afraid I’d lost another person I care about. It’s happened over and over… Entering foster care meant losing touch with my bio mom and everyone I knew. In middle school, my best friend moved away, and finally, Mom died.

By now, I know that no matter what happens, I’ll make it through to the other side. It’s what I do. But I guess there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go through another round of that hurt.

I pass the building where a class I’m going to skip today will be held. All I want to do is get back to my room, close the shades and bury my face in my pillow for a twelve-hour nap.

Stomping back to Central, I tell my brain to calm down and get ready to rest because there’s no way I’m losing any more sleep thinking about this.

Fucking Ash. Why the hell do I already care so much about her and her damn cousin?

* * *

“Sawyer!”

Trying to fight my way out from under my blanket, I mentally—and groggily—curse my life. “ What ?”

Somewhere above me, Ash’s amused voice pierces my surly mood. “Hey, babes, you better get up.”

I’m silent.

“Seesaw—”

“What?” I fling the covers back and open one eye. “What day is it?”

“Still Tuesday. And hey, sorry you were worried about me.” She bends down and kisses the top of my head. As though I’m a toddler. “You need to call Jamie.”

That brings me to an upright, sitting position. Bright hair hangs over my eyes, and I peer at Ash through the tangled mess. She’s wearing a manga t-shirt with a kitty on the front, along with a dark pink miniskirt. If I wasn’t so tired and annoyed, I’d question her fashion choices. “What did you say?”

Ash’s smirk makes me feel like punching the wall. “Call my cousin back, you little psycho.” She sits on the edge of her bed. “He’s in Coins, by the way.”

He was gone and still hasn’t come back even though the weekend’s long over?

“‘Little psycho,’ your words, Ash? Or his?”

She laughs. “Mine.” Ash hops up and goes to her dresser where she unpacks a small duffle. So, she really is moving in? “Call him back and then get your ass in the shower. We have to go shopping before the boutiques close.” She pulls the curtain back, letting light in and opens the window a crack. “I’ll wait down in the lobby cuz this room smells like Pumpkin Spice gym socks. Jesus.” Flinging the door open, she marches out of our dorm room.

“What the AF?” Grabbing my phone, I open the messages I got while I was asleep. One’s from Ash announcing she’s on her way home. Another is just one word, Jamie. And there’s a voicemail from Jamie’s number. I play it.

“It’s me. Call me.” He sounds pissed.

The guilt I feel about causing trouble is brief as defensive anger quickly takes its place. If Ash and Jamie had just given me their numbers from the beginning, I wouldn’t have had to go psycho-worrier on them.

I take a deep breath to calm down before hitting the call-back button.

By the third ring, I’m angry again.

“Sawyer.” His tone is measured.

Mine is clipped. “Hey.”

Silence stretches on for several moments, and I’m becoming exasperated. “Well?”

“Well what? You’re the one trying to reach me. What do you need?”

Rising to my feet, I start to pace. “Didn’t Ash tell you? I was worried about her. I didn’t have her number or yours. I left you a note.”

“I heard.”

I jerk to a stop. “You?—?”

“War found it. Don’t go to the house again unless I’ve told you to come over.”

If spontaneous combustion were possible, I would go up in a blaze of white hot flames.

“No need to worry about that happening.” My phone case creaks in my grip. “ Ever again . ”

“Grand.”

Clenching my jaws, I count to three. “What I’m saying?—”

“Hey.” He cuts me off with a curt tone. “Whatever you’re planning to say, do yourself a favor and don’t. You’re already in trouble with me, little girl.”

His words have me wanting to throttle him. But his accent and dominance have me wanting to be throttled.

Memories of Jamie’s hand on my neck while his cock drove into me spread goosebumps down my spine, lighting up places that are now very much awake—and itching to relive certain experiences.

Maybe Ash is right. Maybe I am a little psycho.

“I’m driving back,” Jamie says. “We’ll see each other tonight. Until then, behave yourself.”

My silence is half rebellion, half excitement.

“Cranberry Sauce?”

I lick my lips, knowing the cup of water by my bed won’t quench this particular thirst. “Yes?”

“I want to hear you understand me about the house.” At my continued silence he growls.“ Sawyer ?”

A twisted part of me likes being able to get a rise out of him. But self-preservation wins out. “Yes, I understand.” My mouth opens to explain why I felt compelled to drop by, but he’s already disconnected.

The call’s abrupt ending leaves me wondering when he’s getting back and just how he expects me to get to his place. I’m not taking the bus to that part of the waterfront after dark.

Before I can figure out this latest in a long list of conundrums, my phone buzzes.

Ash: Get down here! b4 stores close. ffs

Right. Shopping. Do I even want to do that?

Yeah, actually. I want to hang out with Ash.

Also, she’s probably the only person on campus whose personality is big enough to distract me from thinking about Jamie.

I grab my hairbrush and drag it through my hair and then snag my toothbrush and bag of toiletries. After shooting her a quick text that I’m coming, I launch myself out into the hall.