Page 149 of Pretty Mess

The hall’s atmosphere is intense from the corridor where I’m standing, with periods of silence followed by thunderous applause that sounds like it’s lifting the roof. I pull the sleeves down on my gown for the umpteenth time and step from one foot to the other.

“Stop fidgeting.”

I turn to Julian, who looks as put together as is humanly possible. His hair shines, and his cap sits at the perfect level—tilted but not so far down that he looks like a drunken sailor. At that thought, I push my own cap back up again.

He tsks. “Come here.”

“What are you holding?”

“Grips, knobhead. Stay still.”

“Ow! Did you mean to stick that one in my scalp?”

“Maybe, and it’s your uncertainty about it that adds the joy to the day.”

“Not graduating?”

He waves a careless hand. “That was always going to happen.”

I edge close to the curtain. A student standing there smiles at me and moves so I can peep into the hall. It’s cavernous, with ahuge, vaulted roof. Family and friends are sitting in tiered rows, their clothing bright splashes of colour against the black gowns and caps of the students. I run my eyes over them, searching, searching. My body goes tight as I finally see them. Cath is sitting in a flowered dress beside Robert, who is wearing a suit and a smile. But my attention is drawn as it always will be tohim.

Mac sits ramrod straight as usual in a navy suit, white shirt, and blue tie. His hair is sleek and brushed back from his distinctive face. He’s watching the events on the stage with serious concentration as if the graduation of complete strangers is incredibly important to him. His head turns my direction, as if he feels my eyes on him. I know he can’t see me, but I still duck back behind the curtain, feeling stupidly shy.

“Good grief,” Julian observes.

“Shut up.”

“No, really. It’s like watching the mating habits of a drunken gerbil.”

“Have you seen many of them?”

He rolls his eyes and pokes his own head around the curtain. “He came, then.”

“You knew he would.”

“I didn’t, but you did. Maybe you should ask why that is.”

“He’s always been there for me.”

“And why is that?”

“Erm, because he’s kind.”

“Hmm.”

“What does that mean?” He stays silent, and I sneak a look at him. “Could your family not make it?” I say hesitantly. My heart hurts at the idea that he’s alone on this special day.

His lip quirks. “Nice try.”

“Oh, for once, just answer the question.”

He turns to me. “No, my family couldn’t come. I wouldn’t want them here even if they could. But I’m not alone.”

“Why?”

He takes my arm and pulls me to the curtain again. He points to the rows of people, and my eyes travel down the row he’s indicating. A family. A couple with a small child. A man in a dark grey suit, his red hair gleaming in the lights. My gaze screeches to a stop. Backs up. I turn to Julian, who’s observing me with twinkling eyes.

“Fox Walker came to your graduation?”