Page 144 of Pretty Mess

He flinches, and I catch my breath. How is it that by hurting him, I’m hurting myself? It doesn’t make sense. Love is fucking awful.

I take a few steps away, running my hands through my hair, aware of him watching me. His gaze is hungry and so sad that it makes my heart ache. I take a breath and then another. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I had to wait for a place at the clinic to become available. I wanted him safe and under my eye. He couldn’t be left alone, so I employed a companion, someone versed in Tyler’s problems. And we waited it out.”

I feel my cheeks flush deep red with embarrassment. “Oh mygod,” I groan. “I can’t even…”

“What is it?” he asks urgently, stepping forward with his hand outstretched. I look at him, and he stops, his face bare and almost naked with some deep feeling. “Whatever it is, I will help.”

“Why?” I shout, and it’s so loud that two birds burst out of a bush nearby and fly away.

I take a calming breath. It doesn’t work so I take a few more. He waits, watching me with that searching look that shouldn’t affect me so much. I want to step into his arms and forget everything but him.

“Why do you want to help me?”

“What do you mean?” He looks startled.

I spread my hands. “Well, you must think terribly of me. I sold my body to you, and that’s all you ever wanted from me. But I kept trying to make it something that it wasn’t. And then when you finally got free of me, you have to turn around and rescue my brother. Not to mention having to send your chauffeur to take me home. I must seem like a chaotic liability to you.”

“No.” His voice is loud and impassioned.

I startle when he drags me into his arms. It’s such a sweet painful relief to feel his body against mine, to smell his scent, and to feel his strength. Tears fill my eyes, and for a precious few seconds, I rest against him. His breathing is fast and jerky, and he clutches me so tight it’s like he wants to meld us together.

“No,” he says again. He pulls away a little to look at me. This close, I can see the navy striations in his beautiful eyes. “Never. I could never think badly ofyou.”

The emphasis on the word you is almost forlorn and my eyes grow hot. “Cormac.”

“Don’t call me that,” he grits out. “I’m never that to you. It’s Mac.”

I lick my lips, feeling his gaze drift down to them, and the usual heat roars between us. “Mac,” I say hoarsely, and his head moves, his eyes on my lips. I’m moving towards him before I realise and jerk back. His arms tighten for a second, then he opens them and lets me move away.

He shutters his expression, but his chest’s rapid rise and fall gives him away. “Your brother needed help,” he says, his voice thick. “And I gave it. I would give it over and over again.”

“But why?” I say helplessly. “Why would you do that? We’re nothing to you. A few months ago, you didn’t even know me.”

“How is that possible?”

“What do you mean?”

He gives a humourless laugh. “How is it that I haven’t known you forever? Because that’s what it feels like to me.”

I rub my eyes, feeling the hotness underneath my fingers. “I know,” I say quietly. “It’s the same for me.”

“You know why I did it,” he says quietly.

“I honestly don’t.”

“I would doanythingfor you.”

Joy sends a flood of warmth through me. Those words, and the simple emotion I hear in them, mean everything to me. But I take a deep breath because I’m a more cautious man than I was a few months ago. The words might not mean the same thing to him. How many times has he pushed me away? Told me he didn’t want anything but my body?

He smiles sadly. “It’s okay, Wes.”

I shake my head in bewilderment. “I don’t understand.”

“I know, and it’s okay. I know why we can’t be together again, and you’re right.”

“I don’t understand how I can be right when I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re talking about.”