Page 120 of Pretty Mess

“Believe me, an elephant with a cattle prod couldn’t have conveyed your message better.”

“So, will the bruise have gone down for the party?” He’s silent, and I stare at him. “Hello. Earth to Mac. Don’t you want to go?” This time, the hesitation is long, and a horrible thought occurs. “I promise I won’t embarrass you.”

“You couldn’t do that.”

I wonder what that means—that he’s proud of me? Or has so few feelings that I can’t hurt them? I sigh. Probably the latter, I think morosely.

“Perhaps we shouldn’t go,” he says in an uncertain voice. “I’ve been having second thoughts about taking you there.”

Shit. I can’t have him changing things for me. I’ll become a complication to him, and he’ll end our arrangement.

“But Iwantto go. I love a party.” I make myself smile at him. “It’ll be fun,” I say in a cheerful tone.

“Maybe.” He hesitates. His face is troubled, but I see the moment he gives in. “Okay. If you really want to go.”

“Ireallydo,” I say firmly.

He bends closer, pressing the ice against another spot. This close, I can see the deeper blue flecks in his irises. He looks up, catching my gaze. “Is there trouble with your brother?”

“Well, you might say that…” I pause, wondering how much to tell him. Someone half as savvy as Mac would figure out thatsomething’s gone terribly wrong with Tyler. I do owe Mac an explanation for the scene he literally got shoved into.

“Tell me,” he insists.

The firm gentleness in his voice feels like the permission I need. And when I open my mouth, the whole sorry story comes tumbling out, and it’s almost a relief to share it. As I speak, he steps back, leaning against the wall, his eyes on me, but one hand stays on my leg, and I’m grateful for the contact. When I’ve finished, his eyes are dark and turbulent.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“What for?”

“For everything. I can’t bear that you’ve been going through this alone.”

I know it isn’t easy for him to express emotion, so I’m unbearably touched by that. “It’s fine,” I say lightly. “I’m still standing.”

“I have a feeling that’s your family’s motto.”

“Ours and Elton John’s.” I gasp as he steps closer and pulls me into a hug.

His grip is hard and somehow perfect, and before I can stop myself, I wrap around him like a monkey, laying my head on his shoulders and squeezing him back.

“I don’t want you to worry.”

I’m about to tell him that’s easier said than done, but his next words stop me. “I promise you,” he whispers fiercely. “Iswearthat it will be okay.”

He pulls away slightly, his gaze finding mine. His eyes are full of so much feeling for a moment, and then he blinks, and it’s gone. “Do you believe me? Can you trust me on this?”

“I do.” The words ring with sincerity because they’re the unvarnished truth.

I somehow trust him more than anyone. He doesn’t lie or varnish the truth. It eases a tightly knotted worry that’s beenliving inside me for far too long. I could love him for that alone, but he means so much more beyond that. It’s a shame he’ll never know it.

fifteen

I shift position, leaning against the wall behind me. A sharp elbow in my ribs jerks me upright.

“You’re supposed to stand straight,” Julian hisses.

“Who says?” I whisper back.

“Me.”