Page 77 of Pregnant in Pennsylvania

“Elyse, there could be—”

“I know—there could be all sorts of explanations,” I say, “but in the end, it doesn’t matter, does it? I’ve rejected him three or four times now. I snuck out on him after we slept together, and I told him we couldn’t be together next time we saw each other, and I’ve told him so again several times since. And then we kissed last week and I kicked him out of my house, telling him it just wouldn’t work.”

I close my eyes, breathe in slowly, hold it for a few seconds, and let it out just as slowly.

“He’s…” I shake my head, open my eyes. “He’s allowed to go to lunch with another woman. I rejected him, and he’s moving on. I have no right to be jealous or upset.”

“Itisa bit soon.”

I shake my head again. “No, it’s not. We slept togetheronetime, weeks ago. We kissed once, a week ago. More than a week, actually. So…it’s fine. I’m fine.” I fake a smile. “See? Totally cool.”

Cora rolls her eyes, snorting. “Yeah, okay. You’re a crappy liar, Elyse, and you’re an even worse actress.”

“I am not.”

Cora laughs. “You are. You’re terrible. You couldn’t lie your way out of a paper bag. It’s a good thing, but it means you just shouldn’t ever try.”

I laugh, sniffling. “Aiden said something similar. He asked if I wanted to kiss Jamie again, and I said I didn’t know. Which was a lie, because I did know I wanted to kiss him again. And he asked if I knew how I told him I always knew when he was lying, and I was like yeah, and he said, well, Mom, I know when you’re lying too.”

Cora barks a laugh. “Oh—my—god, he didnotsay that.”

“He did.”

“What a little punk!” She shakes her head in disbelief. “So, what’d you say?”

“That it was complicated.”

“Cop-out.”

I shoot her a look. “Cora—do you really expect me to tell my eight-year-old son that I wish I could kiss Jamie and never stop? Oh… hi Jamie.” He’s standing at our table, arriving just as I was making that admission to Cora.

“Hi.”

I wish I could truthfully say I feel nothing, that I’m cold, that I’m unaffected, but it wouldn’t be true. I’m none of that.

“Having a nice date?” I hear the snarky vitriol in my own voice.

He rubs the back of his neck, wincing. “It’s not like that, Elyse. I swear. It’s a working lunch. She asked for help adding some things to her curriculum, and we—”

I stand up, push past him. “Save it, Jamie. You’re allowed to do whatever you want.”

“Elyse, wait.”

“Can you get the check today, Cora? I’ll get you back next time.”

She eyes me warily. “Yeah, I’ve got it.” She grabs my hand to stop me. “But Elyse, I think you should hear him out.”

“No point. Nothing has changed for me. I can’t get into anything with anyone, and I’ve made that clear. So…Jamie is allowed to have lunch with whomever he wants, and he owes me zero explanations.” I try to put some casualness into my voice as I look at him, meeting his eyes. “Honestly, I hope it is a date, for your sake. You deserve good things, Jamie. I want you to be happy, and I’m sorry I can’t be a part of it.”

He reaches for me. “Elyse, now hold on a second—”

I shake my head and back out of his reach. “I have to go.”

I hustle out to my car, ignoring both Cora’s and Jamie’s voices as they call after me.

I drive away, pretending even to myself that I’m not crying, that I’m not hurt, that I’m not being unreasonable, that I’m not jumping to conclusions.

But, like Cora said—I’m a crappy liar, even to myself.