Page 8

I was a fucking idiot.

Left standing by the lake, panting after her like a horny teenager as she ran from me. I showed my hand and blew it.

I don’t…didn’t…believe my mate was out there. I’ve been alive far too long. I honestly believed I would have found her by now if that were in the cards for me. I was resigned. Bored from centuries of chasing meaningless encounters with women who meant nothing to my wolf, I had found a future here with my pack, protecting them and finding solace in watching them flourish.

Until they didn’t. It is frustrating to discover that our problems were derived from our isolation, but it also doesn’t negate the fact that we must still be more careful than other packs. Our lineage is unique, and although diluted through the centuries, most of the Nicholson pack still retains their shifter-vampire hybrid blood.

To say our ancient pairing is unique or was frowned upon is an understatement. To the best of my knowledge, pure vampires don’t even exist anymore, hunted to extinction by those who were scared of their power. Ironic that being hunted is something I have in common with my ancestors.

The pack was built over centuries, some traveling with me from the Old World and others coming together while looking for refuge. I am the alpha who understands their unique gifts and strengths. All are descended from the shifter-vampire hybrids, but none are as purely as I am. My father was a shifter, my mother a vampire—so long ago, I can barely remember their faces. They committed the ultimate sin of falling in love and paid the ultimate price. All so long ago now.

If the Order is trying to destroy shifters, I can only imagine how they would feel about our vampire lineage. I understand my pack’s reluctance to let outsiders in and to allow our DNA to be tested, though, as I have explained to them, Willow cannot identify vampire DNA when she doesn’t know what that looks like. So, unless we want our secret to be known, she will assume that any anomalies are a variant of shifter DNA.

That being said, she is an astonishingly clever young woman, and although she may not want to believe what she sees, I know she saw my fangs last night. The mind protects itself from what it does not want to understand, but I sense that a scientist like Willow cannot help but dig a little deeper.

Which is why I’m avoiding her, giving her some time to rationalize what she saw. I even forced myself not to visit her in her dreams last night, which was more difficult than I could have imagined. I have become surprisingly used to our nightly interactions. I could even feel her subconscious mind searching for me. I’ve never known such personal restraint.

Our kiss and the way she unknowingly reaches through her dreams for me confirms my suspicions, though. She is my mate.

The way she kissed me back before physically fleeing from me tells me that she knows it, too, at least on some level.

A knock on my study door pulls me from my thoughts. My beta, Griffen, appears in the doorway. “Alone?” I ask, looking behind him for Rian.

Griffen laughs and sits down on the worn leather chair opposite my desk. “Yes, your little spy Rian has his hands full at the lab today. Apparently, your scientist is working them harder than usual.”

I school my expression, but Griffen has clearly known me for too long; he doesn’t miss a beat. “Any particular reason you wanted Rian’s update early?”

Rian is a good lab technician, working his way up to beta after his father was fatally injured and wanted the role to pass to his son. So far, he has proven his worth, even if he did piss me off the other day. His job is to help Willow at the lab but also ensure any sensitive information or results are filtered through me if necessary. It shouldn’t affect Willow’s progress, but it does keep the pack elders satisfied.

I sigh, leaning back in my best display of nonchalance. “I know there has been much progress since yesterday. I wanted an update away from the lab.”

Griffen looks thoughtful for a moment. “He says there’s nothing more to say, not yet. The results all need to be analyzed first. Besides, he seemed a little reluctant to come. Why might that be?” Amusement flickers over Griffen’s face, and I realize my old friend is merely fishing. “Nothing to do with you punching him outside the lab recently?”

I roll my eyes. “He’s young and annoyed his alpha. I’m sure he’s over it.”

“He annoyed you about the scientist,” Griffen continues pushing, laughing.

“If you already know so much of the story, why are you prying?” I snap.

Griffen stops laughing. “Because I’m trying to understand what is stopping my old friend from just taking what he wants. What you want is clear to anyone who knows you as well as I do.”

I consider lying or telling him to get out, but those words die on my tongue. “It’s not so simple, old friend. We are being hunted. Our pack is under threat. Possibly at even greater threat if our origins are discovered, yet we also need the help of our new allies. I cannot turn away from the other alphas; they need us as much as we need them, but I cannot trust, either…”

Griffen puts his hands up to stop my growing list of reasons, “Enough, Rowan. All these things are true, but the heart wants what the heart wants, okay?”

I scoff, watching him stand. “And you would know all about it? What does your heart want, Griffen?”

I regret my words as soon as they’re out, knowing full well he’s picturing the witch he left on that Italian shoreline nearly three centuries ago. Griffen simply sighs, saying, “Only the thing I can’t have. Don’t be me, Rowan.”

We stare at each other for a moment before I nod once, and seemingly satisfied, he heads out. I open the pack accounts that require my attention but quickly turn away from them again, lost in thoughts of Griffen and his witch; he was so sure she was his mate but knew the pack wouldn’t accept her. How different would that situation be now, with all that we have learned?

I stare into the fire, musing on pack history and ancient battles for far too long. So long, that I’m surprised when I hear the sound of the door gently opening and closing. It’s her, my mate. I already know because my possessive beasts have stirred. Part of me doesn’t know why I don’t just tell her she’s genuinely my mate and take her. I’ve been alone so long; it feels almost other-worldly to consider letting someone in. The risk of her rejecting me—I’ve seen what that has done to Griffen. But ultimately, I’m not sure my beasts can be held back much longer.

Stepping into the hall, I see her taking her winter coat off. It’s been snowing again, and even on the short walk from the lab, snowflakes have settled in her beautiful auburn hair, looking like tiny jewels under the soft lights. Her shoulders look tense, and she whips around to face me, obviously sensing my presence, too.

“I, um, didn’t see you this morning,” she says tentatively.

I step forward and take the coat from her to hang with the others. “The pack keeps me busy,” I lie easily, not offering the truth that I couldn’t face her after she ran off.

“Well, at least let me make dinner,” she says, walking toward the kitchen. I follow and find her rummaging through the cupboards. She’s made dinner a few times for us and is slowly figuring out where everything is. I watch for a moment before pouring us both a glass of the Merlot she favors. She takes the glass from me, avoiding eye contact.

“And how was the lab today? Are there any developments?” I offer.

She pauses with her hand on one of the saucepans, “Um, Rian was helping with some of the preliminary results. There are some surprises, but Rian didn’t seem to be…as surprised.” I school my expression as she continues, “He mentioned that because many of your pack originate from the Old World, you must have differences. I wish we had data to confirm that, it’s almost frustrating that packs have never done this before or recorded anything if they have.”

“I suppose he might be right—makes sense,” I say slowly, setting some plates on the island. “And what do you think of these differences?”

I can see the conflict on her beautiful features before she speaks, the slight bite on her lip she does when she’s nervous. Why do I get such a thrill from making her nervous? I step closer so she’s forced to look up at me.

If I didn’t know before we kissed, I do now. Her innocence is palpable. And I must really be a monster because the knowledge that she is untouched only excites me.

“I see some. I suspect your sight is even greater than other shifters. You see things dif-differently,” she stutters slightly under my gaze. “I think you feel different.”

“Mmm, do you think I feel different to everyone else, or just you?” I ask, resting my hand on the counter behind her so her back is forced against it. “How do I feel?”

Her pupils dilate as I hold her gaze, her heart beating a crazy rhythm against my chest. I know I’m testing her despite how badly it went last night, and I wonder how she will respond. Does she feel the mate bond at all?

“I feel you at night. You don’t toy with me then,” she whispers, and my beasts howl in delight. “But not last night. Where were you?”

“Ah, you missed me, love?” I hum in satisfaction, my other hand moving to her hip.

Her eyes flare at my semi-confession. Will she ask me about the dreams? Will she demand answers? Agonizing silence stretches, and my cock feels painfully hard as I try not to scare her away by pressing it against her.

Finally, she nods, and I can take no more waiting. I crash my lips against hers. If last night was gentle and testing, this is all fire.

My tongue sweeps into her mouth, tasting her deeply as I press her against the counter.

Her soft moans fill my ears like music, and I feel a purr rumble from my chest. Her taste is addictive, and I can’t get enough. She responds to my kiss with an equal fervor, her hands clutching my hair, pulling me closer. But there's still a part of me that needs to be careful. Gently, I break the kiss and step back, running my thumb over her lower lip.

“Are you ready for more?” I ask, my voice rough from our kisses. She nods, eyes glassy with desire, and I can see she wants this as much as I do.

This time, I can't hold back.

I lift her effortlessly so she’s sitting on the countertop, legs spread slightly and her dress bunched up. My eyes can’t help but trace the line of her thighs to where she’s already wet for me. I can feel my wolf smiling at this development. She grabs my shirt as I lean down and taste her neck, nipping softly before kissing a trail down to her collarbone. Her breath hitches, and I know she likes it.

Slowly, so slowly, I push aside her panties and take in a sharp breath at the sight of her. She’s perfect. Bending down in front of her, I run my tongue around her entrance, tasting her for the first time and finding myself addicted to her flavor. Her hips jerk forward, seeking more contact, and I smile against her skin.

“Shh, love,” I soothe. “I’ve got you.”

Using one finger to stretch her slowly, I watch as she closes her eyes in blissful agony while another finger teases her entrance. She gasps when I finally breach her tightness with my tongue, licking and sucking until she cries out my name. I did this in our dreamscape, but nothing could have prepared me for reality.

Her walls clench around my fingers as she comes undone beneath me, legs shaking and a muffled cry escaping her lips. I look up at her, eyes closed in ecstasy, and know that this is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for. She’s mine now, and I won’t let go.

Pulling away, I give her time to recover while I position myself between her legs. I rub my cock over her wet entrance, ready to take her. I lift her chin and force her to look at me. “Are you sure, love? You have to tell me.”

Her beautiful eyes flutter open, dark with desire. She nods, “Yes, Rowan. I need this. Please…” She bites her bottom lip as I push inside, taking care not to hurt her but determined to claim every inch of her. She’s so much tighter than I expected, confirming my suspicions.

I rest my head against hers. “Love, have you been with a man before?” She shakes her head, gripping my shirt. I know I need to be careful, but damn, if the knowledge that I’m her first doesn’t fill me with anticipation. “I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

She gasps as I fill her completely, both of us adjusting to the sensation of being so joined. Her pain mixes with pleasure in her eyes, and I lean down to kiss the sting from them.

“You’re doing great,” I murmur against her lips before starting a slow, steady rhythm that has us both moaning in no time.

Her taste is on my tongue with each thrust, and the sounds of skin slapping against skin fill the room as her amazing breasts rest against my chest. Although tentative at first, she wraps her legs around my waist, pulling me closer as we move together like we were made for this moment. And maybe we were. The dreamscapes were like foreplay, and now the bond grows stronger with each agonizing thrust of pleasure.

The scent of sex fills the air around us, making my beasts howl in approval from deep within me. They want more, impossibly more. I lean back, admiring her body as I reach my hand between us to rub circles around her hard clit. She bucks beneath me, and I feel her body rising to the precipice. Longing to join her there, I flick her clit until she screams, coming apart in my arms.

I swallow our screams with a kiss, using one hand to hold her in place as I pump my load deep into her body. I keep her soft body pressed firmly against mine as our breathing returns to normal. At once, I feel guilty. I took my virgin mate in the kitchen, half-clothed like a horny teenager.

“Apologies, love,” I whisper against her hair, smoothing it out of her face. “I intended for that to be more romantic. Are you okay?”

She nods into the palm of my hand as I cup her face. “W-why was that just like the dreams?” she whispers.

I sigh, knowing our shifter nature cannot explain our dreamscape. “The bond, love. It’s the bond,” I whisper as I hold her in the kitchen, reluctant to let her go but unwilling to let her in.