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I hear the beep of the main alarm as Rowan leaves to join the morning patrol. I breathe a sigh of relief when I can stop pretending to be asleep, shoot from the bed, run for the bathroom, and heave—barely making it to the bowl.

I sway slightly as I stand, washing my face but unable to look in the mirror—my heart races. Thank the goddess Rowan has been out early the last three days on these new small patrols, but I know he’ll catch me being sick eventually.

It started as a strange bout of nausea at the lab, but I put it down to rushing out too early and the stress of wanting to run the data before anyone else was there—the stress of wondering who the traitor is. But then I woke yesterday with the now-familiar churn in my stomach and felt sick long after managing a tiny breakfast. As I stand in the bathroom, waiting to see if the second wave of nausea will pass, I’m forced to consider the possibility.

Am I pregnant?

A year ago, that would have seemed almost fanciful. Declining birthrates among the packs meant pregnancies had become almost non-existent. But now, we know the Volva have heightened fertility…so why hadn’t I even considered this as a possibility?

I take a few steadying breaths, waiting for the roll of sickness to settle. I can’t tell Rowan. Not now. Not yet. My mind races as I mentally tally up the supplies we have left in the lab and how I can run the tests in private.

My mind made up, I dress quickly, forgoing my usual coffee for some plain crackers to try and keep the sickness at bay. I check my makeup in the mirror before I leave the house, adding some color to my cheeks so I don’t look as deathly as I feel. Realistically, very few conditions make shifters feel sick like this. Being half-human, I’m perhaps more susceptible, but I have always displayed healthy shifter traits, healing quickly and strength. Walking to the lab, I’m already in full research mode—it feels like a comfort blanket to focus on the science rather than the emotional fallout.

Does Rowan even want pups? I suddenly think, my feet almost slowing to a stop on the sidewalk. Do I? I never thought it was an option.

“Are you coming in?” Griffen calls from the laboratory’s main door.

I look up, my face burning as I realize I’ve just been standing out here, lost in my own world. “Coming,” I reply, trying to mask my emotions.

Griffen grunts and holds the door for me. I slip past him into the warmth of the reception area. At first, I thought Griffen was intimidating. He’s hard and brash and has a way of staring straight through people. You never know what he’s thinking, but you can only assume that it’s not good—that was, until I got to know him. He’s still strangely silent most of the time and undeniably intimidating in his size, but underneath it all, he has a dry sense of humor that I appreciate. Plus, the way he stands with Rowan makes me see what a good man he is.

Which is why I hate lying to him.

“So, where are we setting up today?” he asks as we walk toward my office.

After the missing data and Rowan’s discovery up on the ridge, Griffen has formed an elite unit of their most trusted warriors to run covert patrols in addition to the main pack patrols. Either he or Rowan is with me at the lab at all times.

Trying to act normally while everyone else is under suspicion has been challenging, and while I prefer the days Rowan watches over me, I have come to appreciate Griffen’s company. But right now, I need him gone.

I take a breath and turn to him with a smile. “I’ve got a very boring day of categorizing a load of files by hand. To be honest, I think the best way for me to get through it is to blast some music and just plow through.”

Griffen usually reads while I work, and I know for a fact he hates loud music. He studies me for a moment, and I know he’d rather be out on patrol than babysitting me, especially if I’m going to annoy him with my music.

“You know, Sara was asking yesterday if anyone was free to help unload that big delivery of new equipment for the clinic, if you’re looking for something to do while I start here?”

Relief flashes over his features, and I know I’ve hit my mark; he’d prefer to be useful. “I’ll go see if she needs a hand, but I’m only through the clinic doors.” Turning back down the corridor, he says, “I’ll be back for our coffee break.”

I wave him off, aware that I don’t have much time. I head down to the supply closet and grab the items I need for the tests, waving to a few colleagues on the way and trying to appear as natural as possible. Thankfully, my office has most of the lab’s equipment, so once I’m inside, I lock the door and turn some music on.

Although taking my own blood samples is awkward, and my hands shake with trepidation, I waste no time setting up the tests. The first to confirm the pregnancy will only take seconds, but I set the longer DNA tests to run anyway—a sure sign that I instinctively already know what the first result will be.

If I’m honest, there were signs last week. My breasts have been sore, my sense of smell heightened, and although I didn’t understand why at the time, my desire for Rowan is off the charts. Although I don't have a wolf in the traditional sense, I do still sense her, and our need to be with our mate has been insatiable—all signs the other Volva lunas have shared. Being a virgin, I didn’t fully understand what they meant about the need to mate. But now I do.

Boy, do I now. I roll my eyes as I wait for the result. Seconds seem to take hours as I watch the spinning icon on my screen.

Positive.

I expected to feel shock, but there’s none. I knew. I already knew.

I lean back in my chair for a moment and steady my breathing. How have I ended up here—pregnant, luna of a pack with secrets, and mate to an alpha with more? I can’t help but think of my parents and how I was born into a world of shadows and secrets.

And look how well that turned out.

The PCR machine behind me whirs reassuringly as it separates my DNA, producing a raft of data sequencing I can compare to my previous results. Kenzie mentioned being able to actually hear her baby’s spirit; I try to tune into my body, trying to feel something.

There’s nothing but silence and the frantic drum of my own heartbeat. I focus a little harder and try to imagine what Rowan will say. Will he be happy? Angry? He’s evasive about his age, but the strange differences in his DNA make me think he’s potentially much older than he lets on—a very long life to have never had children. Perhaps he doesn’t want them.

Gradually, my mind does begin to connect, not with my baby but with Rowan. He’s out on patrol, but he’s still reaching for me. I’ve realized I can choose whether to let him in, which I always do. A warmth wraps around me, his hands on my shoulders. It feels like heaven, and I lean into him.

Suddenly a knock at the door and the sound of the machine beeping pulls me abruptly away from the dreamscape. I turn the monitor off and pull my sleeve down to hide the Band-Aid. Unlocking the door, I find Griffen standing with two cups of hot chocolate.

“Good thinking, locking the door,” he says gruffly, squeezing past me. “How did you get on with your files?”

I turn the music down and gratefully accept the hot chocolate. “Oh, fine. It didn’t take as long as I thought,” I lie.” I’ve just started another round of tests on some samples. When they’re done, I might take them back to the house to read through them.”

Griffen nods in approval. “Smart. Best to keep anything new under wraps.”

I feel bad lying to him, but he can’t know before Rowan, and Rowan can’t know until I see these results for myself. But what am I expecting to see? Why do I feel a knot in my stomach? Rowan has secrets; he’s very good at distracting me, but he’s a fool if he thinks I don’t see what he’s doing.

For the next couple of hours, I try to bury myself in other research, but it’s hard to stay focused. Occasionally, I check the PCR data, but unusually, it seems to be having trouble completing the profile. Data points keep changing, and it appears to be creating a longer profile than I was expecting. Eventually, it beeps, and I’m relieved it’s over. Looking down at the page I was working on, I see I’ve barely made any progress all day.

Groaning, I print off the files, determined not to look at them here. I bundle them in with some of the others and grab my bag. Griffen has set himself up in the conference room just opposite my office, where he has a view of the whole lab. He nods when he sees me coming out.

“You heading out?” he asks, falling into step with me as I head for the exit. I nod. “I’ll walk you out.”

I’ve come to recognize that Griffen has an old-style chivalry that’s quite nice, along with unwavering loyalty to Rowan.

As we approach the doors, Rian calls out, “Are you leaving? I wanted to go over those new data points with you,” he says. “One of the researchers found something relevant in the ancient texts.”

I’m torn. Any new discoveries are vitally important, but I also really want to read my new profile. Griffen has paused and Rian is waiting for my answer. I start to feel flustered, “I—um, I’m not actually feeling great, Rian. Can you email them over, or I’ll catch you first thing tomorrow?”

Rian looks genuinely surprised, and I don’t even look at Griffen because I can feel his questioning stare.

“Yeah, sure. You okay?” Rian asks. “Sara could take a look at you?”

“No. No, I’m fine,” I say, desperately not wanting to have this conversation, especially with Rian. “I’m fine, I’ll be in tomorrow.”

With that, I turn and walk quickly out the door. The cool air hits my face, and I feel my racing heart trying to calm itself.

“Hey,” Griffen calls out, catching up with me in only a couple of strides. “What was that about? Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine. Honestly, I just wouldn’t have been able to get away, and I really need to look through these files at home,” I assure him.

He looks thoughtful for a moment before he asks, “Do you not want to share those files with Rian? Do you have concerns?”

I know everyone at the lab is under suspicion, but I’m still surprised Griffen would openly ask my thoughts on another beta. I understand Rian only recently took the position as a dying favor to his late father; he works hard in the lab, but he’s also the only one there who makes me feel watched.

I shake my head, knowing I have to be careful and not wanting to cause any friction. “I really do just feel a bit tired,” I lie. “I’ll have a sit down with Rian first thing tomorrow to talk through the texts.”

Seemingly satisfied, Griffen nods and turns back to the lab. I feel his eyes on me until I cross the square. Walking toward the house, I look up and see Rowan watching my approach from his office. The fire is lit behind him, and I can feel the intensity of his gaze.

I fight the urge to touch my stomach; the knowledge that our baby is growing and the weight of information I know is contained in the file I’m holding suddenly feels immense. And love; I suddenly feel the immensity of love growing within me.

It’s everything I didn’t even know I wanted, but there’s also so much fear.