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Dear Diary:August 21st

I am becoming more and more excited each day. As you know, classes at St. Kate’s in St. Paul begin next week. Even better, I am moving out of this mausoleum away from Mother Dear. I will be living on campus in a dorm for my freshman year. Hooray! I feel like I am escaping.

At the freshmen orientation, I met my roommate. Her name is Cynthia Palmer. She is also a trans girl. I think we were put together on purpose.

We, Cynthia and I, found our room in Crandall Hall. It is made for four people but we will be the only ones to use it. It’s very nice.

Cynthia seems nice, at least so far. I got the impression her family had money. A lot of money.

Her dad is Ronald Palmer. He is CEO of Palmer Electronics. Dad invented some parts for computers that makes them run faster. Cynthia doesn’t know what it is or how it works. I don’t either.

I had another experience (sexual) with a girl. I won’t write her name down. This time, (there was one other time with her), we both got naked. She ‘went down’ on me. I must confess it did feel good but I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I mean to do that to a girl. She tells me she is bisexual but prefers girls. It’s all too weird for me yet.

Mother Dear’s drinking is getting worse. I found her downstairs, sitting in the dark front room, drinking and crying, alone. She finally confessed missing my Dad, and she even confessed being sorry she treated him so poorly.

I didn’t have the heart to be cruel to her. I thought about it, but didn’t say it. Dad says he’s happy for the first time in years. He feels like he escaped. I won’t let him go back to her. She did this. Bye for now, Dear Diary.

October 18 th

Robbie regained consciousness at 3:47 A.M. Her head and face were swollen and hurt so much she could only move her eyes. The room she was in was dimly lit. Robbie did not know where she was, what had happened or how she got there.

Upon seeing the television set anchored to the wall above and in front of her, she realized where she was. A hospital room. Robbie was lying in a hospital bed. It was dark except for dim lights along the floorboards. Just enough light for her to see the wall clock through her swollen eyes. 3:49 and it must be after midnight.

At four o’clock, a nurse quietly came in to check on her. In the dark, the nurse could not tell that Robbie was awake. The nurse, her nametag was Kathy, went to the side of Robbie’s bed and leaned over her. It was then that she noticed Robbie’s eyes were open.

“You’re awake,” Kathy said leaning over her. A statement, not a question.

Robbie’s eyes blinked and she tried to speak. “Hmmm, hm.” This was the best she could do. Robbie did not know it, but her jaws were wired together on her left side. Among other things, she had a fractured jaw.

Kathy told her about the jaw being wired. Robbie, with some difficulty, was able to mutter what sounded like “car accident.”

“Car accident?” Kathy asked.

“Hmm,” Robbie said trying to speak while very slightly nodding her head.

“Sweetheart,” the older woman said, “I hate to tell you this. It’s much worse than a car accident.

“You were assaulted. You’ve been badly beaten. You have multiple injuries you’ll be told about later this morning.

“What’s worse is, you were also sexually assaulted. Several times. Both vaginally and anally.

“The good news is, you’re going to be okay. It will take time, but none of your wounds are fatal or at all permanent.”

By now, three or four tears were running down the side of Robbie’s face.

Kathy continued by holding a syringe and a small bottle of a clear liquid while saying, “I am to give you something for the pain and to help you sleep. ”

When Kathy had the correct amount of morphine in the syringe, she injected it into Robbie’s IV. Before that, she had taken Robbie’s temperature and a pulse reading. As Robbie was falling back asleep, Kathy told her the vitals were almost normal.

Robbie slept through lunch. When she awoke, she saw her father, Blake, sitting next to the bed. He saw Robbie’s eyes open, stood and went to her.

Leaning over Robbie, who tried to smile at him, Blake said, “I’m here, Robbie. They tell me you’re going to be fine.”

Through her wired teeth, Robbie tried to speak. What came out was a guttural sound from her throat.

“Ssssh, don’t try to talk. I’ll get the nurse. You wait here,” Blake said, making a little joke.

Robbie tried to smile and said, “Hmm,” through her teeth.

“We’re going to keep her for a few more days,” Doctor Groves told Blake.

He then looked at Robbie and said, “You’re going to heal just fine. We want to keep you to be careful. There was some internal bleeding. It has stopped but we want to be sure it doesn’t start again. Okay?”

Robbie tried smiling while nodding her head a little.

“There are two police detectives here. Do you feel up to it? Do you think you can write one or two word answers to their questions on a white board?” Dr. Groves asked.

Again, Robbie tried speaking and said what sounded like the word, try.

“I’ll get them for you. Do you want me to sit in and make sure you’re okay?” Groves asked.

Robbie shook her head once and pointed at Blake.

“I can have a nurse come in. Okay?” Groves said.

Robbie nodded and gave Groves a thumbs up. The nurse who found Robbie awake in the morning, Kathy, was quite pretty. Robbie hoped it would be her. It was not.

“Hello, I’m Detective Lucy Compton. My partner is Detective Melissa Myles,” one of the detectives quietly, politely told both Robbie and Blake .

“We are with the homicide division helping out with the sexual assault division of the Minneapolis police. We’ve been assigned to your case. We’ve worked cases like yours before so don’t worry about that.

“The first thing we want to say is how terribly sorry we are that this happened to you. You can believe we are going to give you our very best effort to find out who did this.”

“And put them in prison,” Melissa Myles said.

“You think there was more than one of them?” Blake asked.

Blake was standing on the left-side of the bed holding Robbie’s left hand. One of the day-shift nurses, an older woman whose name was Rose was in a chair to Robbie’s right.

“Due to the extent of her injuries I’d have to say it was likely, yes,” Lucy told Blake.

“Do you think you can use this whiteboard to answer some questions? We’ll try to keep it simple,” Melissa asked.

Robbie nodded her head once while Blake said, “She’ll try.”

Blake held the one square foot whiteboard while the detectives asked the questions.

The questioning itself only lasted about fifteen minutes. There was not much about the rape and assault Robbie could remember. Being experienced detectives, the two women were not surprised. Between the physical damage of the concussion, the blackout from losing consciousness and the brain’s reactions to block out the trauma, Robbie remembered very little.

“Sorry,” Robbie tried to say through her teeth.

“Don’t be,” Lucy said. “We’ve handled enough of these to know the victims typically don’t remember much.

“We have samples to run through a DNA analysis. Hopefully, whatever we come up with will be in our system. If not, if we do find suspects, the DNA evidence will usually nail him or them.”

“Okay, good. Will you keep us informed?” Blake asked.

“Of course,” Melissa answered.

“You,” Lucy said looking down at Robbie, “get better. That’s your priority. If anything comes back to you…”

“And a lot of times it does,” Melissa said .

“…let us know. No matter how small or insignificant you might think it is. Okay?”

Robbie nodded a couple times to indicate yes.

The detectives and nurse left. Blake sat down and watched TV with Robbie for another hour. It was then Priscilla arrived.

Without a word, even though Priscilla tried to make pleasant small talk, Blake left. Although he did kiss Robbie’s forehead and said goodbye to her.

What no one knew, because Robbie gave no indication of it, Robbie remembered all of it. Every detail, especially what her four attackers looked like.

Over the next 24 to 48 hours, Robbie began to formulate a list. A list of whom she would blame for this. She would also begin to plot justice for them.