Page 133 of Precious Hazard

Well, I am not going down without a fight!

HISS. GROWL. SNARL. HISS.

I trash around, scratching at the fabric of the bag.

“Stop that!” a low, commanding voice orders. “Damn defective cat.”

The Mean One?

A long, delighted meow leaves me. I am being saved!

I patiently wait as he unties the bag, all while oscillating between relief and irritation. I’m thrilled that soon I’ll bereturned to Milene, but the fact that I’m being rescued by my nemesis feels somehow degrading.

Yeah, I know. There were two against one, but I should have been able to best them. My easy life with Milene has made me too soft. Shit, if the word spreads in the streets, about how a human had to save me, that would kill my reputation. I’d be tossed out of the Alley Cat Society.

The sides of the bag are finally loose. I shake, stretching my limbs and pushing my head through the folds. As soon as I pop out, I come face-to-face with the Mean One. The Usurper.

Took you long enough!I meow, swiping my paw at his chin. But the meatstick moves away just in time.

“I should have let them take you.” He slips his hands around my belly, lifting and turning me side to side. “Did they hurt you?”

Yes! They smashed my self-esteem to smithereens, and then you arrived and buried it completely! How dare you help me, human? I would have managed to free myself! Eventually.

“You seem fine. Alright. Let’s go home, little pest.”

Pest? Me? Maybe I should stay with the catnappers. They obviously have a better sense of my worth.

As the Mean One carries me away, I crane my neck and turn my head to see the catnappers, wondering why they aren’t making a fuss about losing me. Both mutts, though, are slumped in their seats, sporting identical red splotches at the center of their foreheads.

Dead?

The Mean One killed them!

For me?

I lift my chin a little higher, assuming a more dignified pose. Of course he killed them. No one fucks with the Ajello family, and I am a valued member of the clowder. Integral. Irreplaceable. Riggs doesn’t count, of course.

That cat is a disgrace. And I’m glad that Milene realized that. She’ll never make the same mistake again. There’s only one top cat in our den, and it’s me!

“You need to start behaving, pest,” the Mean One prattles on as he sets me on the passenger seat after sliding behind the wheel. “No more swiping for shits and giggles. As of tomorrow morning, you’re a big brother to a litter of baby kittens. Milene can hardly contain herself.”

Noooo!

Bonus scene 2 – The Love Guru

Radio Host:Good evening, everyone. I’m James Williams, and I want to welcome you to this week’s episode ofLove is Just Around the Corner. Tonight, we have a special guest with us in the studio. However, due to the sensitive nature of his business, we’re not able to share his real name with you. Instead, we’ll call him Don.

Nice to have you here, Don!

… [Nothing but silence greets the audience over the radio waves.]

Guest:Hi.

Radio Host:Ladies and gentlemen, please don’t hold that against him. I believe Don might be just a little nervous. Prior to coming on air, he confided to me that he’d never done a radio show before.

Let’s get started. Could you tell us why you chose to accept our invitation to appear on tonight’s program? As I understand, you run a major conglomerate, so I do not doubt that your time must be very limited.

Guest:That’s correct. I’m here because I have been blackmailed and coerced to come.