Page 36 of Players Like Us (Reunion Gap #7)
A shrug, a shake of his head. “Hell if I know. You’ve got to be a realist. Protect yourself because the second you let your guard down, it’s all going to blow up and you’ll be left with nothing but misery.”
“People make mistakes and it takes courage to admit when a person’s made a mistake.
” When he didn’t respond, she pushed on.
“This is about us, Neal. Let’s not pretend it isn’t.
” If he was going to shut her out of his life and never give her another chance, she’d say what had been simmering for days.
“The last thing I wanted to do was get involved with you because all I could see was heartache and heartbreak.” She jabbed a finger at her chest. “When you offered a commitment, I froze because I was petrified. Could I trust you? Did you really mean what you said? For how long? And what if you grew tired of me? What then? But it didn’t matter because it was too late.
” Pause and a soft “You already lived in my heart.”
If this were her last chance to tell him the truth, she would share everything.
“But you didn’t want to hear about how sorry I was or how wrong I’d been.
And you certainly didn’t want to show the world who you really were.
No, you let everyone think you were worthless and bent on destruction with no goals, no future, no hope.
It’s easy to show that side of you because no one expects anything.
You can screw up all you want and who cares?
They’ll just say, well, what could we expect?
He’s never disappointed us with his BS and he’s not going to disappoint us now.
But if you tell them the truth about who you really are and what you’ve accomplished, that’s a whole different story.
” The jaw twitching said he did not like those words.
Too bad. “So fine, you’re never going to forgive me?
You want me out of your life? Answer this question first. Why did you pay Simon to stay away from me? And for once, how about the truth?”
He stared at her so long, she thought he wouldn’t answer. A woman in a low-cut red dress appeared from around the corner, stopped when she saw them. Neal offered her his nice-to-see-you smile and pointed to the women’s door. “Sorry, we’re in the way.”
A full-on once-over from the sultry blonde, followed by a slow smile. “I doubt you’ll ever be in the way.” She flung her hair over her shoulder and opened the door, but not before she glanced behind her one more time. And did she wink?
Neal took Rachel’s arm, said in a gruff voice, “Come with me.” He opened the office door and followed her inside. “Simon Bainbridge is a user. Stay away.”
She didn’t miss the anger or the annoyance.
“Thank you for your concern, but I can handle Simon. I called him so I could persuade him to admit he didn’t orchestrate the introduction with Dominic.
I wanted to hear him say it, and of course his ego is so big that all I had to do was smile and toss a few compliments his way and he was spitting it all out. Typical egotistical man.”
He moved toward her, dragged a hand through his hair. “Why did you need to hear him admit it? And why here ? In this restaurant?”
Was that hurt smearing those words? “The restaurant was my idea.” There, let him think about that.
“Of course it was.” Laughter spilled from those beautiful lips seconds before he spoke. “You were hoping I’d be here, so...you could make me jealous? Interesting.”
Had that been the reason she’d chosen this restaurant?
Because she wanted Neal to think she didn’t need him and had found a replacement?
Even if it were a lie? As if the man were replaceable.
Or had she been so desperate to see him again that she’d suggested the place in case he was there?
Those possibilities were equally horrible and she wouldn’t admit to either one…
not even to herself… “I haven’t tried the lobster risotto yet, and I heard I was missing out.
” He once told her about the lobster risotto, and how it was not to be missed.
There were so many moments with Neal that were real, honest, and memorable, but there were so many more that were covered with skepticism, uncertainty, and confusion. “It was you, wasn’t it?”
He raised a brow, irritation thrumming through his voice when he asked, “What do you think I did now?”
Rachel crossed her arms over her chest, held his gaze. “You’re behind the introduction to Dominic.”
Nothing but stone-cold silence. “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes. And my second question is why did you try to pay Simon to stay away from me?” This time she didn’t miss the red seeping from his neck to his cheeks. “I heard you were pretty adamant about it.”
“No comment.”
“Sure, fine. You see, if I considered the Neal Alexander you show everyone, then I’d say you were trying to disrupt something between me and Simon because you don’t like the man and because you can.
But that would be something you might do if you really were the persona you project to the world, but you aren’t. ”
He stood very still, blue gaze homed in on her. “I’m not?”
“Of course not.” She could not keep the emotion from her voice.
“You aren’t like that at all, and if I’d ever opened my eyes and paid attention, I would have realized it.
So, if it wasn’t about showing Simon who had the power, it might have been the other possibility that you were trying to protect me.
Honorable. Admirable. Not a move you wanted to show anyone, especially when you believed your brother already owned those traits.
Where would that leave you? You couldn’t admit it, so you had to pretend.
But a person can only pretend for so long. ”
“Rachel Reese, investigator extraordinaire. You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?”
He really was not an easy man to understand.
“Who knows? Maybe even back then you were secretly attracted to me and you couldn’t bear the thought of anyone touching me, especially Simon Bainbridge.
” His brows pulled together, his eyes shifted to liquid silver, but he didn’t answer.
She’d been half joking, but could there have been a tiny speck of truth to that?
“Stop. Just stop.” He closed the distance between them, cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. Hard. Fierce. Possessive. Rachel placed her hands behind his neck, responded to the kiss with need and so much desire. Oh, but she’d missed him… Missed his—
Neal broke the kiss, stepped back, face flushed, eyes bright. “Stay away from him.”
They stared at one another, and she waited for him to say something more, anything , but he didn’t. Instead, he opened the door and fixed his gaze on the floor. “Neal?”
He shook his head. “Not now, Rachel. Just stay away from him.”
She cleared her throat and moved past the man she’d had the unfortunate bad luck to fall in love with... When she returned to the booth, Simon had another drink and a plate of calamari in front of him.
“Rachel? Are you okay? I was starting to get worried.” He studied her, eyes narrowing on her face.
“I almost asked Dominic to have someone check on you. You look flushed. You don’t think whatever you have is contagious, do you?
I can’t get sick now. I have a big presentation tomorrow and then there’s an office party and…
I can’t get sick,” he mumbled under his breath, then hefted back a healthy swallow of his drink.
“I’m sure it’s not the flu. Just a headache and that can affect my stomach. No worries.” What’s wrong with me has nothing to do with the flu. It’s about heartache and heartbreak.
He let out a shaky laugh. “Oh, good. You had me worried there for a minute.”
Of course, the man was only concerned about himself and his commitments. One more reason a person like this was so distasteful, and so easily played. “Does Neal Alexander intimidate you?”
A flash of red spilled over his cheeks, and he stumbled for an answer.
“Him? No, of course not. But…he friggin’ owns part of this restaurant and other businesses, too?
That man’s got to have serious street cred.
You don’t just go from partying in Buenos Aires to owning a place like this without doing the work.
Who the hell is this guy? What don’t I know about him?
” He rubbed his jaw, muttered, “What do I need to know about him?”
Rachel studied the man across from her. Why couldn’t people live by their principles?
Why couldn’t they just do the right thing and be decent to another?
Truthful? She hadn’t thought about those questions too often because that would require self-examination and she hadn’t wanted to do that.
Much too uncomfortable. Too overwhelming. Too revealing.
Who wanted to be accountable when deep down they knew they weren’t trying to be a better person?
They were simply making excuses for mistakes and disappointments, always blaming someone else.
Never taking the hard look, the honest look.
Never admitting the truth to themselves or anyone else.
Rachel had accused Neal of settling so no one ever expected anything from him.
Hadn’t she been doing the same thing and wasn’t it time to stop?