Page 33 of Players Like Us (Reunion Gap #7)

H er pulse skittered, her breath caught in her throat. It had been too long since she’d seen him… And now he was a few feet away—so close and yet the look on his face was not one she’d seen before. Cold. Distant. Definitely unapproachable.

“Hello, Rachel.”

“What… What are you doing here?” He continued to stare, offering nothing. “I need to talk to you.” She pushed aside thoughts of the meeting with the silent partner and focused on the man in front of her. “I’m so sorry for what I said that afternoon. I was wrong and I should have—”

“Stop.” The left side of his jaw twitched, the dark brows pinched together. “There’s no need to apologize for what you said. It was the truth. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t have had to think about it.”

“No, that’s not true. Well, maybe at first because I was confused and so scared.

How could I have feelings for you when I wasn’t sure you even knew what commitment meant?

I told myself to be careful, that you could hurt me and I’d never get over it.

That part’s all true. You could hurt me and I probably never would get over it.

But I also realized that maybe I’d misjudged you.

Maybe you really could commit to one person and I could be that person.

” More staring, more jaw twitching, more silence.

“Neal, did you hear me? I’ve spent most of my life pretending to be someone else, going after guys who were short-term and never going to connect. And…”

“And that’s exactly who you thought I was.” The tight smile flipped to a frown, his voice soft. “All those years ago, you chose me for meaningless sex and this time was no different.”

“Neal, don’t talk like that.” She took a step forward. “I know I hurt you with what I said, and I’m so sorry. Can you give me another chance?”

He picked up a pen, twirled it between his fingers, tossed it back on the table. “A chance? For what? A good time? Lots of sex? I’m very good at that and I could probably… Never mind. What exactly are you looking for, Rachel?”

She bit her bottom lip, pushed out the truth that had been hiding for too long. “A chance for us. Together.” One more step forward, a half-smile. “We don’t have to pretend with each other anymore, don’t you see? We can just be who we are… That’s all I want.”

“That’s all?” Those blue eyes burned into her. “You don’t want a commitment?”

“Well… Of course I want that.” Why was he pushing her away when she’d finally admitted her true feelings? “I’m not going to be afraid of what I feel and neither should you.”

He sat back in his chair, folded his hands behind his head, as though the conversation bored him. “So we make a commitment, and then what? A ring? A wedding? A kid or two? Probably a dog because you seem like a dog person. Is that what you’re thinking?”

He might act disinterested, but the jaw twitch said otherwise. “At some point… I would hope we might head in that direction…” Yes! she wanted to shout at him. Yes, I want a life with you. And if that leads to marriage and children and a dog, or three dogs? Yes! Absolutely, yes!

“I see.” His gaze landed on the edge of the desk, homed in on a paperweight.

“I just told you what’s in my heart, and that’s all you have to say?” Pain surged through her, threatened to burst into a million pieces of misery. “Neal? Say something.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything else to say.

I offered you everything and you had to think about it, so.

..I made the decision for you. You’re too dangerous, too mercurial, and I won’t let you destroy me.

No matter how much—” he caught himself, cleared his throat and corrected “—I won’t let you destroy me. ”

He really was going to just walk away. “If you can walk away that easily, then I guess I should be glad it’s happening now.

” Rachel squared her shoulders, hid the emotion that wanted to scream at him for giving up.

“Excuse me, but I have a meeting.” She glanced at her watch, frowned.

“In fact, he’s probably waiting outside now to use this office.

If you don’t mind?” She stared at him, determined not to let him see one more ounce of emotion.

“Let me guess. You’re here to meet Dominic’s partner?

The one who prefers to work behind the scenes and isn’t much interested in having his face or his name plastered about the social scene.

” He didn’t wait for her to comment, but continued.

“You’re going to show him the rest of your portfolio and the plans for new projects, because this man has a lot of influence.

You’re going to pitch your ideas and see if you can get him to buy in, because that will make you a success, right?

And that’s what you really want, isn’t it?

Success, so you can show your family you’re not a failure? ”

She would not let him see how wrong he was, or how much his words hurt. “Yes, exactly.”

The smile that inched across the lips she’d once kissed flattened. “Well then, have a seat.”

“Excuse me?” He’d already rejected her, why would he not just leave? Why would he not… Oh no. Please no! Rachel dragged her gaze to his, spotted the glitter in those blue eyes. “ You’re the partner.”

“I am.”

She tried to comprehend his words, but none of it made sense. “You watched me as I worried about meeting Dominic’s partner, living up to the expectations and hoping for a chance? And you’re him ?”

“Is it that implausible?”

Rachel ignored the question as anger seeped through her.

“You’re the one who acted as though you knew nothing about how to make money, except from your trust fund.

You’re the one who belittled yourself. And all this time you were laughing at me?

Wondering how far I’d go and how low I’d stoop for an opportunity? You played me? ”

“Maybe we played each other. Players like us, right? Isn’t that what we are?”

“Go to hell.” His presence and his words snuffed the air from the room, made it difficult to breathe, difficult to think… Rachel turned and had her hand on the doorknob when his words reached her.

“What about the portfolio? Don’t you want to give me your pitch?”

She swung around, took three steps toward him, and tossed the portfolio at his chest. He caught it before it hit him. “Goodbye, Neal.” She ran from the restaurant, didn’t stop until she was three buildings away and could gulp fresh air.

Neal Alexander was a lie. Nothing had been real—especially them.

“Well, I hope you’re happy. You probably ruined the very best thing that ever happened to you and for what?

” Dominic crossed his arms over his chest, stared down at Neal.

“To win? Win what? Win the game and lose the girl?” He shook his head, muttered under his breath, “She loves you and you were too proud and too foolish to recognize it.”

Neal dragged a hand through his hair, poured a scotch, and tossed it back. “What do you know about relationships and women? I don’t see you with anyone for more than two weeks.”

“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and Rachel and how you feel about each other.

And how you royally screwed this up. So you had to hold it over her that you were the partner?

You couldn’t come clean from the beginning like I wanted you to and just own up to it.

Did you tell her about Claudia’s, too? That you’re the mystery guy, and that you gave Claudia money to get the place started? ”

“Of course not.”

“Wow. This is one big screw-up. No wonder she bailed on you.”

Neal rubbed his temples, tried to think.

Why had she looked so hurt and dejected?

Why had her words sounded true? Okay, when she told him to go to hell, she definitely meant that , but the other words?

The ones about misjudging him, wanting another chance.

..wanting a life with him? If she felt that way, it shouldn’t have taken her days to own up to it.

And yet it had. “Did you spill to her that I was the partner? Is that why she came in all apologetic and practically asking for another chance?”

“What’s wrong with you? I would never do that.

That was for you to own up to, not me. I’m your best friend, and sometimes I’m your conscience, but I am not going to be your mouthpiece.

If you can’t figure out that she loves you, then you don’t deserve her.

And while we’re at it, if you don’t want her, then just accept that she’s going to end up with someone else. ”

“Someone like Simon Bainbridge?” If that guy ever touched Rachel…

“Maybe, or maybe it will be Simon Bainbridge. Why do you care? Why should you have a say in anything? You don’t want her, remember?

You pushed her away. I’m sure you put up the armor and acted like you could care less if you ever saw her again and we both know that is such straight-up BS.

You haven’t been the same since you got back here, so go ahead and tell yourself lies.

Turn to other women, see if any of them make you feel the way she does. ”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She could say she was going to stay forever…but she’d leave when she saw the real him…the one who wasn’t always funny or clever, the one who could be insecure and filled with doubt. She wouldn’t want that…wouldn’t want him…

“Fine, we won’t talk about it. No worries because I doubt we’ll hear from her again.” Dominic glanced at the portfolio spread out on Neal’s desk. “Rachel gave you that?”

Big sigh. “She actually threw it at me. So, I guess she doesn’t want it.” Just like she doesn’t want me… Not really.

“She’s got some great ideas we could use on the other restaurants.

As for this place? You decide what you want to do, and I’ll reach out to her.

We can pay her for the plans and the work she’s done so far and get someone else to take over.

” Dominic sliced him a look. “I’m sure you two would not want to see each other again, definitely couldn’t work together. Better to make a clean cut.”

The man was baiting him, waiting for Neal to disagree. He wasn’t going to disagree, but neither was he going to agree. “Let me think on it, and I’ll let you know.”

“You do that.”

And then his friend was gone, leaving Neal with the disaster he’d created.

Neal spent the next hour studying Rachel’s portfolio, noting her recommendations, the color schemes, the patterns.

She’d shown him several of her ideas before, but there were some he hadn’t seen: bolder, more daring.

Truly impressive. He doubted she realized her talent or her potential because like him, she’d been too busy trying to prove she didn’t need anyone’s help or “commentary”.

He got it. Overachieving siblings made it difficult to carve your own path and following the “perfect” sibling’s blueprint was a disaster.

You knew it and so did everyone else. Eventually, you quit trying, and did the exact opposite.

Why not prove how unlike that overachieving, perfect sibling you were?

Why not blow up any possibility of being your best self?

Sure, why not? But trying to be the “life” of every situation, the most outrageous, the biggest partier, womanizer, spender?

It got old. He and Tate had really talked when he was home and it felt good.

His brother was proud of him and his business successes, not because of the money, but because Neal was claiming his life—not the one he thought he should live.

And Rachel? Yeah, he’d pretty much blown that up when she’d confessed she cared about him and asked him to give them a chance.

What had he done? He’d gone ice cold and let hurt take over, pushed out words meant to inflict pain, words that weren’t true but were supposed to protect him.

All they’d done was annihilate his chance for happiness.

It would have ended in disaster anyway once she learned he was the mystery man at Claudia’s and had helped the woman get started.

Rachel wouldn’t care that the investment had been aimed at helping Dominic’s friend or that his mystery persona for the companion service had been his attempt to protect her from Simon.

No, she’d consider it yet another betrayal of trust, accuse him of playing her once again, and she’d never forgive him.

Could he blame her? Not really. She hadn’t deserved the secrecy and pretense, yet he’d hidden his true self for so long that he’d been scared to reveal who he really was. Yet, once he’d begun to show her parts of himself, he’d wanted to tell her everything. Fear had stopped him.

What if she didn’t understand? What if she hated him for it?

Yeah, what if…