Page 29 of Players Like Us (Reunion Gap #7)

N eal Alexander was as complex as a Rubik’s Cube and just as exasperating.

He’d said more by not speaking than his words revealed.

Well, it was time for them to have an honest conversation, one that involved words and the truth.

Rachel had stopped at Tate and Charlotte’s but Tate told her Neal wasn’t home.

Not sure where he went, but I heard your brother stopped by. ..

The look said it wasn’t a casual “how’s it going” conversation. Right, as if that were a surprise. One of these days soon, she and Daniel were going to have a long conversation about respecting privacy and minding your own business.

Rachel could only think of one place to look for Neal—Goose Creek.

If he weren’t there, then she’d have to wait until after the birthday celebration to confront him.

When she pulled into the lot, she spotted his BMW.

She’d been unable to sleep last night, her brain filled with too many questions and no answers.

Now, she would get her answers. Rachel followed the same path they’d taken last night, spotted him leaning back on a gray blanket, dark head turned to the sky. Peaceful. Quiet. Perfect.

“Go away.”

She was still several feet away, but he must have sensed her presence.

Rachel ignored him, squinted into the late afternoon sun.

She’d expected to find a six-pack next to Neal, or maybe a bottle of whiskey.

But bottled water? That was not the anticipated beverage choice for someone like him…

Or maybe it was… Maybe she’d misunderstood the real Neal Alexander.

Maybe he’d always been someone else, buried behind other people’s lack of confidence in him and his own insecurities. “We need to talk.”

The laugh said she wasn’t getting anything from him, especially conversation. “I think your brother said it all.”

Rachel moved next to him, dropped a blanket on the ground and sat down. He didn’t look at her, but the grunt and the muttered curse said he wasn’t happy. “I wondered where you’d gotten off to… I tried your cell several times…”

The sun accentuated the scowl. “When a person doesn’t answer their phone, it means they don’t want to talk to the person calling them. Basic psychology.”

Oh, he was going to use sarcasm to keep from having this conversation.

Well, she understood all about that and too bad for him; she wasn’t buying it.

“You know, the sharp words and frowns are very effective ways of shutting people down. I’m so good at it that I’ve become an expert at recognizing it.

” She touched his hand, ignored the flinch.

“Daniel had no right to speak to you that way and I’m sorry.

When I’m done being mad at him, I plan to tell him exactly what I think about him butting into my business. ”

Neal eased his hand from hers, turned toward her, his expression fierce. Angry. “Your brother is protecting you from men like me.”

“Men like you?” She shook her head. “When will you stop pretending you’re something you aren’t? You’re not the bad guy and I know you’d never hurt me. Why can’t you just admit it?”

“I will hurt you.” Pause and a hard “I will definitely hurt you.”

“So…I’ve been thinking about something. Seeing you that first night at the Plaza was not an accident?” No sense asking it as though it were a question because she had her answer, but she wanted to hear him say it. Straight out, no one around them, and then she wanted the rest of the story.

“That’s right.”

“And?”

He didn’t look at her when he answered. “And that was the plan. Find out about you, gather a little information, deliver it to Meredith, make sure your brother didn’t hire an investigator.” Big frown, followed by a muttered “Nobody should be subjected to that.”

“You didn’t want to do it, though, did you?” She recalled the first night she saw him, the annoyance thrumming through him as though he didn’t want to be there. Or was it that he didn’t want to be around her…?

“Of course I didn’t want to do it. I’m not a spy and I told her that.

She begged then, gave me the whole sob story about how worried your brother was…

So I agreed because I’ve never been able to say no to my sister.

When she tossed out that ridiculous caveat that I couldn’t touch you—” laughter spun around them “—and I said yes because when had I ever not been able to control my feelings for a woman? You were just one more.” He blinked, shook his head. “Until you weren’t.”

“I see.” That revelation sounded painful and unexpected. “At any time, did you ever consider telling me the truth? Why you were really following me around inviting me to dinner and—”

“I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to...” He stared at her, jaw clenched, neck muscle twitching.

“There were hundreds of ways to keep tabs on you, ones that didn’t involve me overseeing every aspect of what you did.

But the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted to see you. And then there was Simon Bainbridge.”

“Had you, at any time shared your feelings, I would not have accepted more companion work with Simon.”

His expression said he thought she was crazy.

“Shared my feelings? How was I going to do that when I friggin’ didn’t know?

” The look said he expected her to answer, and when she didn’t, he shook his head.

“Exactly. I was so far out of my comfort zone I didn’t understand what was happening or why.

Worse, I didn’t know how to stop the thoughts from leeching into my brain.

You would not go away. That is not a happy place for a guy who’s not used to having feelings for a woman. ”

“When I found out our first meeting was no coincidence, I was furious with you,” Rachel admitted. “Add that to what happened here yesterday, and I told myself I never wanted to see you again.”

Those blue eyes narrowed, his voice turned soft. “And yet here you are. Why?”

“Because I need answers. Real ones.”

The slightest hesitation and then he nodded. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

“Why did you turn me down in high school?” He had not expected that question and the red creeping from his neck to his cheeks, followed by a throat clearing, said he had no idea what to tell her. “Just the truth, Neal. How about that?”

“Sure, we’ll try the truth. You were young and na?ve and you had no idea what the hell you were doing.

” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, kept his gaze straight ahead.

“I had three condoms in my pocket, figured what the hell? Give the girl what she’s looking for, right?

Except it wasn’t right. The second you climbed into the back seat of my car, I knew I wasn’t going to do anything with you.

I didn’t even expect to kiss you and then…

” He blew out a long sigh, shook his head as if to get rid of the memories.

“That kiss burned me, but for once in my pathetic life, I was going to do the right thing. That’s why I turned you away and it didn’t make me feel good when I realized you weren’t interested in me . ..you just wanted to use me.”

Rachel wished she could deny what he said, but she couldn’t. That had been her intent, and it was so off-base and wrong that she’d blamed him for years, when he’d only tried to be noble. “I never wanted to see you again after that.”

The laugh that spilled from him said he wasn’t surprised. “Yeah, I felt the same way. How do you face a girl you’ve turned away and act like it’s no big deal? So, when Meredith contacted me, you were the last person I wanted this to be about, but… There’s no saying ‘no’ to my sister.”

“And last night? I felt the rejection all over again.”

This time when he spoke, he did look at her. “I was trying to honor my word. I told you that, but you weren’t interested. In fact, you assumed the worst about me.” The scowl came first, followed by “Again.”

“I did. When you’re hurting and embarrassed and humiliated, it’s easy to blame everyone and difficult to consider any reasons other than your own. I understand that now and I’m sorry for putting you in that position.”

“Not the first time it’s happened to me and most of it’s been my own doing. But you? I had to wait until Meredith was okay with it and then…”

“And then?”

His gaze settled on her lips, shifted to her chin. “And then I’d see if you were still interested. In me. Not my other skills.”

Of course he meant sex. How could he think anything else after how she’d treated him all those years ago? Rachel touched his arm, said in a soft voice, “She knows something’s going on and I’m pretty sure she’s okay with it.”

“Then maybe she should talk to your brother, because he’s definitely not okay with that possibility.”

“Are you using Daniel as an excuse?”

The dark expression said he didn’t like that question. “An excuse for what?”

She touched the black-and-blue area of his jaw, leaned forward, and placed a soft kiss on the swollen area. “To be near me… To be with me…”

His gaze shifted to liquid silver, hot, consuming. “I’m not afraid. I’ve never been afraid in my life.”

“Okay then.” The man was definitely afraid. “Mind if I just sit here with you?”

He eyed her as though it were a trick question.

“Sure.” Neal eased onto his back, closed his eyes.

Rachel did the same, close enough to touch him, but not touching.

The softest breeze blew over them, birds chirped, the warm sun heated her skin.

Peace. Calm. Heaven. Her breathing slowed, her body grew languid as thoughts of the man next to her drifted through her brain.

Neal Alexander was an intriguing, complicated, unique puzzle, one she still couldn’t understand.