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The Clam Jam

[ Piper Menon has created a group chat]

[ Piper Menon has named the chat “Operation: Get Sarina Laid” ]

[ Piper Menon has added Sarina Arora, Nisha Arora, Rani Meyer, Bella Meyer, Mala Meyer, and Kavi Case ]

Piper Menon

Ladies, of us who are married, I’m sure you know our husbands have a group chat. And they just recently added Troy Winters to it. I figured, since we all met at my wedding, why should we stay behind? Who’s with me?

Sarina Arora

Given the name of the group, not me.

Piper Menon

Not just the name, bestie. The mission, too!

Sarina Arora

Then please consider this my formal resignation.

Rani Meyer

Ooh, I’m already obsessed.

Kavi Case

Does the mission have anything to do with the MLB pitcher in recovery who showed up at the salon yesterday? Hudson said it was mentioned in the group chat. He says there’s a story there between Sarina and Troy.

Kavi Case

[GIF of Mr. Bean wagging his brows]

Sarina Arora

Troy only showed up because my nosey best friend and dad set me up! Don’t think I didn’t see right through that plan.

Mala Meyer

Is this the same Troy my husband has an altar for in our bedroom? No joke, he whispers goodnight to him every night. I had to put my foot down when he was about to purchase one of Troy’s used groin guards online.

Bella Meyer

Ew. Thank God I married the normal twin.

Rani Meyer

Is there really a normal Meyer brother? thinking emoji

Mala Meyer

The one you have is probably the closest one.

Bella Meyer

Wait, what story between Sarina and Troy?

Sarina Arora

None, because there isn’t one.

Nisha Arora

Oh really? Are you just going to pretend the night in Colorado a few months ago didn’t happen?

Piper Menon

Let me jog your memory, my friend. Nisha is talking about the night where Troy Winters fucked you into oblivion while he poured spicy mustard on you and sucked on your Sasquatch toes.

Nisha Arora

And as I recall, he was also supposed to be getting married that night.

Sarina Arora

I’m disowning both of you. And he did NOT pour mustard on me.

Piper Menon

So you admit he sucked your furry toes and fucked you into oblivion.

Sarina Arora

[GIF of Judge Judy massaging her temples]

Rani Meyer

WAIT. HOLD THE FUCKING DOOR! You slept with him on his wedding night!?

Bella Meyer

I have so many questions . . .

Nisha Arora

About her feet? Oh yeah, my sister’s always had Hobbit feet. We used to braid her big toe hairs. I almost knit her socks, but then I figured, what’s the point? They’re pretty well-covered with her abnormal feet fur.

Sarina Arora

I have normal feet! And if you don’t shut up, I will literally leave a hundred helium-filled balloons in your room while you’re sleeping one night so that if you happen to wake up, they’ll be hovering over you in the dark.

Nisha Arora

You wouldn’t fucking dare!

Sarina Arora

Don’t. Tempt. Me.

Nisha Arora

Fine! I’ll lay off talking about your little wooly mammoths.

Rani Meyer

Wait, I’m so confused about this balloon thing. Nisha, are you scared of balloons? I just snort laughed. I’d never imagine YOU being scared of anything.

Piper Menon

Oh, she’s fucking terrified of them. Like full-body panic attacks and screaming tornado.

Nisha Arora

Shut up! I’m not even close to that bad. They just freak me out a little.

Bella Meyer

Wow. Learning so much about the Arora sisters today. Also, is spicy mustard a kink I don’t know about? I feel like it would burn . . .

Mala Meyer

Before we get to that, can we circle back to how you boinked the hottest pitcher alive on HIS WEDDING DAY??

Kavi Case

Yeah, that story requires a lot more details.

Nisha Arora

And wine. Make sure you grab some wine.

Sarina Arora

Ugh. Fine, let me fill everyone in. But there is no way we’re keeping that group name.

Piper Menon

Fine, I’ll change it.

[ Piper Menon has named the chat “The Clam Jam” ]